Page 38 of The Rebel of Raleigh High

I give him a forced smile, collecting my groceries from the counter. Over his shoulder, a rubber, mechanical fish mounted on a wooden plaque turns its head to face me, glassy eyes staring, and begins to sing, “Don’t Worry Be Happy.”

“Argh, stupid dang thing,” Merle grumbles. “Never shuts up. I need to take the batteries out.” He turns away from me, swatting at the fish, and I use the distraction to make my escape. I feel like I can’t breathe. My eyes are stinging like crazy. Fuck, I can’t fucking breathe.

Outside, I dump the groceries onto the passenger seat and watch the video again, hands shaking, heart thundering in my chest. I have no right to be angry. Alex owes me absolutely nothing. For the next fifteen seconds, I fluctuate between anger and hurt, though, feeling utterly, completely stupid.

I tap out a message before I can stop myself. Not a reply to the video. A message to Alex.

Me: Congrats on your conquest. Zen always gets what she wants. Glad you had a good night.

Almost immediately, a bubble pops up with three dots—I wasn’t expecting a response from him at all, let alone so damn quickly, but Alex is typing out a reply. I sit there, staring at the screen, dread tightening like a fist in the hollow of my chest.

The three dots inside the bubble continue to shuffle, signaling that he's still typing, but then it just…disappears. I instantly kick myself. I've spent the afternoon telling myself there's no way I could ever be with Alex, and in the next fucking breath, I'm allowing myself to get sucked into this bullshit, letting myself sink into some sort of nasty downward spiral because he might have hooked up with Zen or Kacey. Or fucking both of them. God. Nope. I shudder out of the thought.

The phone chimes, just as I toss it beside the groceries on the passenger seat. I sit very still, trying to decide how I want to proceed here. I shouldn’t read the message. I should drive back to the cabin and put this behind me. It’s bad enough that I texted him in the first place. I should have ignored the video and fucking deleted it.

Then the phone chimes again.

Fuuuck.

I pick up the phone, hating myself.

Alex: Conquest?

And then…

Alex: Where are you?

I drop the phone, startled by the question. Why does he want to know where I am? He doesnotneed to know where I am. I really am such a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have said a word. I should have kept my mouth shut and pretended I didn’t care, even if the idea of him with someone else, especially one of my ex friends, did sting for a second. Now, I’ve tipped my hand in an awkward way that’s going to be difficult to talk my way out of.

Ignore him, Silver. Do not reply. Best way to handle this is to just pretend like it didn’t happen.

“Great advice, asshole,” I growl at myself. “You’re great at pretending, aren’t you? It’s your fucking forte.”

I scowl at the screen, the few brief words Alex sent my way blazing there in black and white, and I can’t think of anything else to do, though. I drive all the way back to the cabin, cursing at myself under my breath. When I check my phone, parked in the driveway, there are zero bars in the top left-hand corner of the screen, and I'm awash with relief. But even I know that it's stupid to be relieved, when I can't hide from him forever. This weekend might be a day longer, but Tuesday isn't that far away. I'm still going to have to face Alex at school. I delete the video, along with the text, so I can't torture myself with it anymore.