Page 10

Fitz

I knock on Linus's open office door. "The note on the coffee machine said you wanted to see me?"

"Ah, yes." He finishes typing and then snaps his laptop shut. "Come in."

"O-kay." I wasn't the worst kid in school by any means, but I definitely made a few trips to the principal's office. This is giving off that vibe. "Door open or closed?"

"You can leave it open."

I enter his office. Slowly.

"So, I'm not in trouble?"

"Actually, you are. I need to discuss your performance, and keeping the door open saves the others from having to strain their necks trying to listen through it."

Linus is a closed book, usually a grouchy closed book, so it's always hard to tell if he's kidding or not.

"Uh…"

He breaks out into a grin. "I'm kidding, mate. You're not in any trouble. Your name isn't Wilby."

My shoulders drop, and I relax. "Okay. Good."

"I was hoping to speak to you and Muir together since this affects you both, but today's been even more hectic than usual."

"It has." It's been a whirlwind of a day—first, a farmer came in with a limping sheep, then a frantic local rushed in carrying an injured kangaroo joey, followed by a couple with their dog, a snake bite victim, and to top it off, Muir had to wrestle with a very grumpy emu who'd gotten tangled in fencing wire. I pull up a chair across from Linus and sit down. "What's up, then?"

"CPD."

I let out a low groan.

Don't get me wrong, I love continual professional development, and I think it's good that it's a mandatory requirement for vets to maintain and enhance their knowledge and skills every year.

The problem is finding the time, and money, to do it. We're a tiny clinic so we're flat-strapped and run off our feet most of the time. And it's not like outback veterinary is a lucrative industry. We're not exactly rolling in money.

All the fellas and I try to split costs with Linus, but he won't have a bar of it and coughs up the money himself each year. I know for a fact it's out of his personal pocket, too, because that's just the sort of decent bloke he is.

"I've found a great weekend workshop covering dentistry next month."

My eyes light up.

I'm super interested in advanced periodontal therapy and have been reading up about root planing methods and new surgical techniques in my spare time because while I may have stumbled into being an influencer, at my core I'm an animal-loving geek through and through.

And a short weekend course sounds perfect since it means less time away from the clinic.

"That sounds great."

"Good. Because I've already booked you and Muir in. I had to," he says, when I shoot him a funny look. "They were the last two places, and I didn't want you guys to miss out."

"How very kind of you."

"Think of it as a delayed honeymoon," the cheeky fucker adds, unable to contain his grin. "Stop looking at me like that. Muir needs to supplement his dental skills, so he'll benefit from this, too."

"And that's the only reason you've booked us to go together?"

His silence says it all.

"How are things with you guys, anyway?" he asks after a few beats pass. "We didn't really get a chance to hang out together much at Pride last week."

"We tried to, but you and Ryde kept disappearing. Want to clue me in on that?"

Linus shakes his head. "Nothing to clue you in on. My best mate, Oakey, was in town, so I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him."

I arch a brow. "Your best mate slash Ryde's father. Ryde, a.k.a. your employee who has a massive crush on you. Hmm, what an interesting conundrum you find yourself in."

I'm the one grinning now.

"You finished?"

"For now."

"Good. Let's get back to you and Muir. Anything interesting to report?"

"Well, actually…" I shift forwards in my seat. "Now that you mention it, I do have a question."

"Shoot."

Linus is gay, but I remember him opening up once at karaoke and saying that he'd slept with women when he was younger. I'm curious to know how he went from that to figuring out he was into dudes. Was it something he knew all along, or did something—or someone—help him realise?

I clear my throat. "How did you know you were gay?"

His eyes widen, and for a split second, he looks completely thrown, like he didn't see that coming. "Oh. Okay."

"Too personal?" I check.

We're good mates, but again, Linus is a closed book, so maybe I've inadvertently crossed an invisible line.

"Nah, you're fine. It's just… This stays between us. Okay?"

"Sure."

"I mean it," he says in a tone that conveys he isn't messing around.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," I say, crossing my heart with my index finger.

"I developed a crush on my landlord when I moved to Sydney for vet studies," he says, tapping his fingers against the desk. "His name was…Oakey."

"Wait. Oakey as in your best mate slash Ryde's dad, Oakey?"

"Yes. Which is why I want you to keep this to yourself. Ryde doesn't know. Nor does he need to."

"Does Oakey?"

"Of course. I made a complete fool out of myself."

"What did you do?"

"Let me remind you that I was young, naive, and this was a long time ago. The internet was still in its dial-up stage."

"Dial up?"

"Never mind. Anyway, I misread a few signs and thought Oakey was into me, too, so I invited him over to the unit I was renting from him. He seemed surprised by the candlelight dinner I'd set up but didn't say anything. Until I tried to make a move. It was…" He drops his head into his hands. "Humiliating."

"Because Oakey wasn't gay?"

"Exactly." He looks up again, shaking his head at the memory. "Luckily, he's a great guy and was super cool about me trying to kiss him. We ended up talking all night, and over the next few months, he was my rock as I explored my sexuality and came to terms with who I was. That's how we became best friends."

"It's nice that he was so cool about it."

Linus smiles. "Yeah. It was. Rare back in those days, too."

"So…you weren't just attracted to him, then, but to other guys, right?"

"Yeah."

I process that for a moment. "Huh."

"Why?"

"Is it…is it possible to only be attracted to one specific person of the same sex?"

"Of course it is."

"It's not weird?"

"Mate, it's not anything. We can't help who we're attracted to. I couldn't help having the hots for Oakey even though he was straight. It's what we do about our feelings that matters. For me, if someone is in a relationship, they're automatically off-limits. Or if they're my best mate's son who happens to be sixteen years younger than me, is currently my employee, and I had a crush on his dad decades ago, that's a big no-no, too."

I sink lower in my seat, feeling like shit. All this time we've been giving the guy grief about Ryde without knowing the full story. "Hey, look. Sorry about?—"

"Yeah, yeah. It's all good. You had no idea." He slides the chair back from the desk, then crosses one leg over the other. "Your question. It wasn't really about me, but your feelings for Muir, yeah?"

I nod. "Yeah."

It feels a bit weird to be opening up to Linus about this since normally Muir is the one I go to with my stuff, but since Muir is the stuff, I think it's better to get someone else's take on this. A fresh perspective.

"Getting accidentally married can do things to a guy," Linus says.

"It's not that," I counter. "Well, it's not just that. It might've been the catalyst, but we've, uh, started doing…stuff."

"What sort of stuff?" he asks. "And if you don't want to say, that's fine. But if you do, you have my word that it won't go any further."

"Thanks." I weigh it up for a minute and decide to confide in him. Linus is a man of his word, and I know that what I'm about to say won't ever get repeated. "We've been kissing quite a bit. And we jacked off in my shower after Pride."

Linus keeps his face perfectly neutral, not showing any outward sign of surprise. "And how do you feel about that?"

"Yeah, fine. Good. Great, actually. I really enjoyed it."

"And how's Muir?"

"He's enjoying it, too."

"That's good." Linus smiles warmly. "So that covers the physical side of things. What about the emotional side?"

"What about the emotional side?"

"Well, you guys are already close. Has what you're doing physically affected your friendship in any way? Good or bad?"

I cock my head to the side, thinking it through. "Things were a little wonky at the start when we first got back from the Goldie, but we talked and got it sorted."

"That's really good. Communication is key."

"Things just feel…right. You know?" I say, and Linus nods. "But what does it mean?"

"What do you want it to mean?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be asking."

He chuckles quietly. "That's not something I, or anyone else, can answer for you. Only you can figure out what you want. Just keep talking as you go through it, and you'll figure it out."

"Thanks, mate."

"And who knows?" That grin is back on his face. "Maybe a nice romantic weekend away in Brissie might help you with that."

"What's up?" Muir asks, lowering the music volume. "You've been quiet all morning."

We hit the road early to get to Brisbane for the dentistry workshop tomorrow. It's a seven-hour drive, eight depending on traffic once we hit the outskirts of the city.

I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. "I've been practising dissociating myself to try to not listen to that god-awful music."

"I stopped playing Taylor Swift over an hour ago. What is it? Come on, out with it."

"It's annoying how well you know me." He smiles smugly and waits for me to talk. "I've been running through the pros and cons of this weekend away in my mind," I tell him. "And I'm a little torn."

"Okay. Wanna think out loud?"

"Sure. Let's see. Pro. Spending time with you."

His smug smile intensifies. "Naturally."

"Pro. Filming some new content in Brissie."

"It is a beautiful city. Especially at night. We need to go down to that place by the river."

"Yeah. For sure." I drum my fingers against the wheel. "Pro. Eating some good food."

"We can go to that Vietnamese restaurant we went to last time we were down."

"There's a pho and bánh mì with my name on it," I say, licking my lips.

"I mean, nothing can compare to Mrs. Mangle's meat pies…"

We both laugh.

"Con." We stop laughing. "I'm seeing Erin tonight."

"Oh."

"Yeah. She saw me posting about the trip on Insta. Said some of my stuff got mixed up with hers, and since she's not keen on trekking all the way to Scuttlebutt, she suggested we meet up so she can return them."

"Oh."

"We're not having dinner or anything. I'll just drop by her place, grab my stuff, and then we can go out."

"Oh."

"That's the third time you've said oh."

"Is it?"

"It is."

"Shit, sorry. I'm being weird." He shakes his head, like he's snapping himself out of wherever he went to. But now I'm curious—what's going on in his head? "She's your ex," he continues. "You guys might have stuff to talk about. Don't rush on my account. We've got two more nights here. Plenty of time to go out for dinner."

"I doubt she's in the mood to hang out with me," I confess. "This is the first time she's reached out since…that night."

Our eyes meet briefly. "Right."

I called and texted and messaged Erin on all her socials in the immediate aftermath, but once it was clear she wasn't going to get back to me, I dropped it. Her DM late last night took me by surprise. It wasn't a friendly reach out. She's being frosty.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask.

"Of course I am." Muir turns to gaze out the window at the endless, barren expanse of the Australian outback. "I just wasn't expecting that, is all. Sorry."

"Stop apologising for things there's no need to apologise for," I scold him with a half smile.

"Sorry," he mutters, half-smiling back.

"Now, let's talk about something more fun."

"Cool. Just please don't start droning on about periodontal therapy. You've been going on about it for weeks."

I scoff under my breath. "I have not— Okay, maybe I have been a little excited."

"A little excited?" he teases. "Notice how everyone automatically vacates the staff lounge whenever you come in?"

"Okay. I've been a lot excited. It's fascinating stuff."

He snorts. "Fitzgerald Mortimer Humphrey Eastridge. You really are one of a kind."

I let the full-name usage slide since it seems like Muir has shaken off the shock of my announcement about Erin, and that's what matters.

It's funny. The moment I read Erin's message, my stomach dropped. But it had nothing to do with seeing her again and everything to do with Muir and how he might take the news. I didn't want it to upset him or rattle him in any way.

Because, truth be told, if it were the other way around, if he was catching up with Maisey, it would rattle me. Which is my coded way of saying it'd make me jealous.

And that's totally out of character for me since I've never been the jealous type before.

Before.

Before I got into whatever this is with Muir.

I'm still not sure where this thing is headed, but one thing is clear—my life can now be divided into two stark sections: before Muir and after Muir.

And that's another uncharacteristic thing.

Because until I popped the question to Erin, I'd never given much thought to the future, to settling down with just one person, and doing the whole settling down thing.

But with Muir, I can feel forever.

I want it.

I think about it.

I imagine what it could be like.

With Muir, I'm in it for the long haul, baby.