Page 7

H unter made some coffee. It was obvious that it was going to be a long night, and he wanted to make sure that both he and Luna were attentive to this conversation. It was an important conversation, and regardless of how uncomfortable each of them was, it was a talk they had to have with one another. The situation between them had become more complicated than necessary, and there were other people to consider. The bottom line was that they needed to figure out their situation to ensure Adam's stability. Thank goodness he remained asleep during their conversation.

Luna still looked sad, and Hunter himself did not look too good, either. He poured two coffee cups full to the brim and placed one cup in front of himself and the other in front of Luna. He sat down at the kitchen table with her and prepared himself to be as emotionally vulnerable as he could. He had to do this, he told himself. Perhaps being vulnerable would make this whole mess of a situation worth it.

He cared about her, and he didn't want to lose her, no matter how messed up he was. No matter how many mistakes he had made, he wanted to keep Luna in his life in whatever fashion she felt comfortable with. He knew that she had to be feeling betrayed and confused, and while all of those emotions were valid, he hoped that she could at least try to understand where he was coming from, how losing a wife he loved very much so suddenly and unexpectedly could make him behave so irrationally when emotions such as love were involved.

Hunter looked at Luna. They gently smiled at each other; they knew that the other felt uncomfortable, and deep down, they wanted to ease that discomfort a bit. Luna reached her hand out and gently held Hunter’s hand. This small act of kindness deeply touched him. Perhaps there was hope for them as a couple, yet.

“I need to tell you about my wife,” Hunter said. “I think losing her is the cause of all my issues with vulnerability and my tendency to make relationships more complicated than necessary. I know I hurt you, but I would really appreciate it if you would listen to me right now.”

Luna picked up her coffee and nodded. There was something heartfelt about his words, and she believed him. It did not erase her hurt, but she was open to hearing what he had to say to her.

“I am listening,” she replied softly. “Go ahead.”

Hunter spilled his soul to Luna and told her everything. He explained how he had met his wife in college, how they fell madly in love, how she supported his career in professional hockey playing, and how she was his biggest fan. He told her how they traveled the world together. He described his former wife as an adventurous, kind spirit who genuinely loved him unconditionally and fully.

When they had Adam, it was the most incredible day of their lives together. His birth brought them even closer together as a couple. Still, when she unexpectedly died in a car crash, when she wasn't even driving, but she was in the backseat of a cab, he felt like he had lost the best part of himself.

Adam was still young when she died. He was practically still a newborn. Hunter had to learn how to become a father and a mother quickly, and there was really no time for him to mourn his wife's passing.

Losing his head coach this season brought back a flood of painful emotions for Hunter, emotions he thought he had buried. His coach had been there for him during the most difficult time of his life, showing up at the hospital repeatedly to visit Hunter’s wife, who was in a coma after the accident.

After she passed away, his coach frequently checked in on both Adam and him, offering support when Hunter had no one else to turn to. It had been a long and emotional journey, and throughout it all, his coach had been his only confidant.

For a while, they had held out hope that his wife might wake up from the coma. Doctors weren’t certain, but there were moments when they believed she could pull through. But in the end, her mind was gone. Hunter had to face the devastating truth that keeping her alive felt inhumane.

Her body was still there, but the vibrant, loving person he had married was no longer present. The hardest decision of his life came when he had to choose to stop the machines that were keeping her alive. Sometimes, even now, he wondered if he made the right choice.

Hunter felt an overwhelming wave of guilt. Although he wasn’t responsible for the car accident that had led to her coma, he couldn’t escape the fact that he was the one who decided to pull the plug. Logically, he knew it was the right thing to do — her brain had been irreparably damaged, and there was no hope for recovery.

He knew deep down that his wife would have wanted him to move on, to find love again, but the idea of being with another woman, of committing himself to someone new, was almost unbearable. The thought of falling in love again made the guilt even worse as if he was betraying her memory by doing so. Every time the possibility crossed his mind, it overwhelmed him, making it impossible to consider a future with anyone else.

This guilt created a barrier between him and the people he cared about, driving him to detach emotionally. No matter how much he longed for connection, the remorse always caused him to pull away, leaving him isolated and alone, even when he didn’t want to be.

Luna listened intently to every word that Hunter said. Hearing his past in detail made everything make so much more sense. Although she still felt betrayed by him, understanding the reasons behind his irrational thinking and reckless behavior made her understand him more. If anything, she had more empathy for him, and it was hard to stay angry at him.

However, the other part of her knew that she could not handle constantly being in an emotional limbo in this relationship. She did not want to cause him more turmoil, but she also had to think about what she deserved as a woman. She did not want to find out in a couple of weeks or a month later that Hunter was with someone else.

She was sure that she was falling in love with him if she was not in love with him already. Although she knew that he was not in a place to say those words to her back, she wanted to know that she would be the only one in his life. Yet, based on this conversation, she wasn't. Hunter was still in love with his deceased wife; even if she was no longer here, in this world, she still had possession of Hunter’s heart.

Luna knew that she had to respect this. The life of a widower, who was also a single father, was complicated and deeply emotional. Her thoughts drifted back to Adam. Adam had been through so much at a young age, and he didn't even fully understand what he had been through.

It would not be until he was older that he would fully be able to grasp the concept of the emotional trauma he had endured as a young baby. She wanted to be there for Adam; she felt a natural maternal instinct for him. Adam and Luna had become close, as if they were mother and son, over the past few months, and she did not want to leave him high and dry.

She also knew that leaving her position as a nanny would cause more stress for Hunter during the hockey season, which was a significant part of his life. So, she decided to set things straight in a direct way. She contemplated her words for a brief moment before speaking.

“I appreciate you telling me all of this,” she said respectfully. “I know it is not easy for you to open up, and hearing all of this really does give me a better understanding of why you are the way that you are.”

Hunter smiled. So far, everything was going well. He was glad he had this conversation with her. He knew Luna had more to say, so he patiently waited to hear her words.

“I have strong feelings for you, Hunter,” she said honestly. “I know you are not in a position to reciprocate these feelings, but I cannot emotionally handle going back and forth. I just do not have it in me to do that.”

Hunter sighed and looked at the floor. He feared that this was it. She was going to be out of his life. He was going to lose her. There would be no seeing her in the mornings or at night. He was certain she would leave her job as his nanny and poor Adam. What was he going to do? How was he going to hire another nanny under such short notice? Thankfully, she interrupted his way of thinking.

“I am going to stay as your nanny,” Luna said calmly. “I care about and love Adam. I am not going to just leave him. We both know that he needs consistency, but this, us, we can’t be going back and forth.”

Hunter nodded in agreement. Everything she said was rational and to be expected. He was just happy that she was not entirely leaving his life. If they could only be professionals, that would be better than nothing. Who knew what the future would hold? At least, now, she was still in his life.

“I know,” Hunter said sadly. “I don’t want to hurt you. That isn’t my intention at all. I just have to get my shit together, you know? I have to get my shit together and focus on this hockey season. I feel like I have a lot on my plate.”

Luna agreed with him. This was a productive grown-up conversation. The reality was that adult relationships were naturally complicated because life was complicated. They both learned that the hard way. Each of them had dark parts of their past and had been bruised by life.

“I know we told each other this earlier,” Luna stated. “I know we have said this before, but we have to have a strictly professional relationship. If we are to be together again, I want it to be for real. If we are to be together again, I want us to be in a committed relationship.”

The two agreed and finished their coffee. When they were done, Luna picked up the empty coffee cups and placed them in the kitchen sink. She looked back at Hunter. He looked relieved, as if a weight had been lifted from him. She was thankful everything was out in the open between them. Well, almost everything was out in the open.

He knew Henry was interested in her, but he didn’t know that he had given Luna his number. He didn’t know that she was going to meet him after she left Hunter’s apartment. In her mind, there was no need for him to know.

They were only in a professional relationship now, not a romantic one, and she was free to do whatever she wanted to do. She told Hunter goodbye and walked out of the apartment, ready to see where the night would take her.