Page 38 of The Pucking Date (Defenders Diaries #3)

“I told myself I was being smart,” I say, the words tearing out of me.

“That if I didn’t let him in, I could control it.

Keep it light, keep it casual. But I never stood a chance.

” My chest heaves. “He swept in with that crooked smile, that drawl that melts your spine. God, I tried to hold the line.”

A sob breaks loose .

“So I’d fall into bed with him. Every time.

And every morning, I’d wake up with my heart in my throat, my dignity between my ankles, and bolt before he could see me unravel.

Before it could become something.” I huff out a laugh, bitter and low.

“And I thought if I left first, I was the one in control. That I could walk away clean.

“But he never let me go easy. He kept showing up. It didn’t matter how many times I left, he was always there, steady, waiting for the moment I’d let him close again.” A breath. “And then one morning...I stayed.”

Mom’s smile tilts, just a little. “You know, your father wasn’t so different. There was a time I thought I’d have to beat him off with a stick.”

I huff out a laugh. “You sure that would’ve worked?”

She snorts. “Not a chance.”

I wipe my face, throat burning. “I thought I was being smart, protecting myself. But the truth? I only kept running because I was sure he’d come after me.” My voice thins. “And now...he’s not.”

Mom goes very still.

“I did the one thing I knew would break him,” I whisper. “I didn’t trust him. Not when it counted. And he always—always—showed me I was the center of his world.” My breath hitches. “He never said the words. We were still figuring it out. But I knew. I knew he loved me.”

My fingers tremble as I say it. Because loving someone isn’t just about feeling it, it’s about believing you deserve it. And I never did. I spent so long waiting for him to realize I wasn’t worth the fight that I became the thing that proved it.

The truth knocks the air out of me. I curl forward, palms over my face. “And I kept the biggest thing from him.”

Mom’s hand comes up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The gentleness undoes me completely. Because this is what love looks like—patient, unconditional, staying even when you’re broken.

Everything Finn gave me. Everything I destroyed.

“Mom,” I whisper, voice cracking. “I’m pregnant.” I stare down at my lap.

“What?” Mom breathes, her composure cracking, her voice rising. “You’re pregnant?”

Sophie shushes her immediately. “Mom. Quiet. Unless you want Dad to hear it through the screen?”

“And I didn’t tell him. Kept waiting for the perfect moment,” I continue. “Then he found out by accident. And now he’s cold. Not cruel, not angry. Just…not mine anymore. He looks at me like I’m a stranger. Like I’m a responsibility he’s managing.”

Mom blinks, lowering her voice. “How far along?”

“Thirteen weeks,” I murmur.

She turns fully toward me, brows knitting. “Jessica. You should’ve told me. You shouldn’t be doing this alone.”

“I’m not,” I say, voice tight. “Sophie’s been here for me. And you—would you really have been able to keep it from Dad? I didn’t want to put you in that position. Just give me a few more days. I need to tell him myself. He’s going to lose his mind on Finn.”

“Sounds like you love Finn the real way.”

I nod, blinking fast. “I do.”

“And?”

“I think I broke us for good.”

She pulls me in, arms wrapped tight.

“He doesn’t see me anymore. He’s…polite.

Responsible. Clinical. He checks on me in the office, texts to see if I’m eating.

But he’s focused on the baby. Because that’s all we are now.

A baby and its mother. Not Jessica and Finn.

Not the woman who made him laugh and the man who made me believe in forever.

Just…logistics he’s handling with the same care he’d show any teammate’s family. ”

I press my hand to my chest, where it feels like something vital has been carved out. Where his name used to live.

Mom leans forward slightly. “Do you still see him?”

The answer bursts out before I can think.

“I do, Mom. He’s all I see. When I close my eyes, he’s there.

When I wake up, I reach for him. I dream about his laugh, his hands, the way he used to say my name like it was sacred.

He’s everywhere and nowhere, and I don’t know how to stop loving someone who’s already gone.

I don’t know how to stop reaching for someone who’s learned not to catch me. ”

Silence stretches.

Sophie clears her throat. “You scorched the earth with Dad earlier, by the way.”

Mom lets out a quiet chuckle. “He’ll survive.”

“I panicked,” I mumble.

“And how are you feeling?” she asks. “Physically?”

“Could be better,” I say. “Early pregnancy in corporate America is a special kind of hell.”

“Well,” she says, already on her feet. “Time to go see Grandma.”

I blink. “Wai Po? No way, Mom. She’ll figure it out before I even say a word. I’ve been avoiding going to see her ever since I found out.”

“We’re going next week,” she says, firm. “No arguments. She’s got tea, acupuncture, and more opinions than the FDA has warnings. It’ll help.”

I stare. “And we’re fine with Wai Po knowing I got knocked up by one of Dad’s players?”

Mom doesn’t miss a beat. “Hardly her first rodeo. ”

Sophie chokes. “Wait—what?”

Mom waves a hand. “I can’t believe you two never figured it out. Our wedding anniversary is in April. Jessica was born in November. You do the math.”

And with that, she spins on her heel and heads inside.

“Dinner’s in fifteen. Wash your hands.”