Page 51

Susan felt about as out of place as a mouse on a lily pad as she sat at a table with several other young Amish women, eating the light meal that had been served to those who had come to the gathering.

The main dish was haystack, and it consisted of several bowls filled with everything from cut-up lettuce, diced tomatoes, cucumbers, and celery to onions, green peppers, and anything else one might put on a tossed salad.

In addition to the vegetables, there was cooked ground beef, steamed rice, and homemade cheese sauce.

A few jars of salsa and two big bottles of ranch dressing rounded out the selection.

After everyone had helped themselves, the women had taken seats at two long tables, and the young men all sat together in another area.

Since most of the young people were from Noah’s church district, Susan didn’t know any of them well.

So she sat quietly eating her food and wishing she was anywhere else.

The other girls at the table were all busy talking to one another, and nobody seemed to pay any attention to Susan.

She glanced over at the men’s tables and caught Noah looking at her. He gave a nod, and she forced a smile.

Why did I allow Noah to bring me to this gathering?

Susan asked herself. I should have made up some excuse not to go, but that would have been telling another lie, and I’m done with that.

I need to be honest now and try to treat people better.

I have to stop feeling jealous of Rosa too.

Truthfully, Susan wouldn’t want to be in her sister’s shoes—expecting a child in a few weeks without a husband.

Susan actually felt sorry for Rosa. I’ll need to be a better sister.

Maybe when the baby comes I can babysit when I’m not working at Dad’s store.

When the singing was over and everyone was preparing to leave, Noah approached Susan. “Ready to go?” he asked.

She nodded. I was ready to go the minute I got here.

“Sorry we didn’t get to spend much time together,” he said as they headed out to his horse and buggy. “But now that we’re going back to your house, we have plenty of time to talk.”

Susan made no comment as she climbed into his carriage. As far as she was concerned, there wasn’t much to talk about.

Noah gathered up the reins, and soon they were heading down the road in the direction of her home.

He tried to make conversation a few times and even asked her a few questions, but Susan kept her answers short.

As they approached her home, Noah slowed his horse and guided the gelding slowly up the driveway. Stopping at the hitching rail, he bumped shoulders with Susan. “Is it all right if I drop by your home sometime soon to see you? We could just sit and talk or maybe play a board game.”

“I may not be here much longer,” she replied in a voice barely above a whisper.

He leaned closer to her. “What was that?”

“I might not be living in the Big Valley much longer.”

“I’m confused. Are your folks planning to move?”

“No, but they might ask me to leave.”

“How come?”

Susan threw caution to the wind and blurted everything out about all the lies she’d told. A lump formed in her throat, and she swallowed hard, hoping to push it down. “I told Rosa, as well as Mom and Dad, that I’m very sorry, but I can’t seem to forgive myself.”

“We’ve all done things we regret, Susan.”

She felt his hand on her trembling shoulder, which brought tears to her eyes. “Jah, I regret everything I did, but unfortunately, I can’t take it back or make up for any of it.”

“If you’ve asked God and your family to forgive you, then you need to forgive yourself. There are some verses in the Bible that say so.”

“Really? Which ones?”

“Acts 3:19 says, ‘Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.’”

“I haven’t heard that verse before.”

“Well, it’s there in the Bible, and you must remember that after you’ve confessed your sin, it’s blotted out, to be remembered no more.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“Susan, you need to forgive yourself, just as God forgave you as soon as you repented. It’s time for you to move forward, asking the Lord to help you be a better person in the days ahead.”

Susan sat for several minutes, pondering all the things Noah had said. “I will do my best,” she murmured, “but it might not be good enough. My family may not forgive me, and they could very well ask me to leave.”

Noah reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Well, if they do, you can come to my folks’ house and sleep on the sofa tonight. Want me to go inside with you?”

She shook her head. “No, that’s okay. I appreciate the offer, but I need to face this by myself.”

“All right then. I’ll sit out here for a while, and if you don’t come out with your suitcase in the next half hour or so, I’ll head on home.”

Susan held in a chuckle. “How are you gonna tell how long half an hour is?”

“I have a flashlight in the buggy and my pocket watch.”

“Oh, okay.” Susan was about to get out, but he put his hand on her shoulder again. “Can I see you again, Susan?”

“I—I guess so.”

“Okay, good. Unless you come outside, I’ll call and leave you a message tomorrow or the day after.”

“Danki.” Susan stepped down from the buggy and quickly made her way to the house. When she opened the front door, she was surprised to find Rosa, Mom, and Dad sitting in the living room.

“We waited up for you,” Dad said.

Susan’s spine stiffened. Here it comes.

Rosa got up from her chair and gave Susan a hug. “I forgive you, Susan.” Then Mom and Dad did the same, both proclaiming that they loved Susan and forgave her for the lies she had told.

“With God’s help, I’m going to do better now,” she said tearfully. “I want to start over, and to show you how truly sorry I am, I’ll do whatever any of you ask.”

“All right,” Dad said. “Why don’t you start by going up to bed so we can all get some sleep?”

“I don’t have a problem with that.” Susan hugged them again and practically skipped out of the room and all the way up the stairs.

She was ever so thankful that she hadn’t been asked to leave, and for once, she didn’t mind sharing a room with Tena.

In fact, she welcomed the idea of sleeping across from her sister’s bed and hearing Tena’s gentle breathing.