Page 103 of The Play Maker

Because I can’t stop thinking about it.

He sets the guitar down beside him and then he glances at me, his brows tugging together. “Maisie. About what happened in the library…”

My stomach flips.

He runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He exhales sharply. “I was so fucked up over this other girl and?—”

Other girl. He likes someone else. Of course he does.

“It’s just—” He swallows hard. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

My stomach twists into knots, heat flooding my cheeks. I want to look away, to disappear, but I can’t.

What did I expect? That Austin Rhodes would fall for me? That I was anything more than his tutor or the girl he needed to pass a class? That I was something special?

No. I’m the rule. Not the exception.

I quickly wonder what she looks like. Do I know her? Is she pretty? She’s probably drop-dead gorgeous for someone like Austin to be into her. Did he picture her when he kissed me? Did he think about her touch, her smile, while his lips were on mine? The thought burns like acid in my chest, tightening into a painful lump in my throat.

“It’s okay,” I say, because I don’t think I can hear him say the rest.

But he shakes his head. “No, it’s not okay. I just… I never wanted to hurt you or lead you on.”

“You didn’t,” I cut in. “It’s fine. You were happy and I just happened to be there. It didn’t mean anything.”

He pauses, watching me. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I get it, Austin,” I tell him. “A guy like you doesn’t kiss a girl like me unless he’s confused. I know that.”

He flinches, his brows knitting together. “Maisie?—”

“It’s fine. Really.”

I keep talking. It’s easier than letting him say anything else. If I keep going, maybe I won’t have to hear the words I already know are coming.

“You were happy about the grade and you got caught up. I get it. I mean…” I force out a short laugh. “I didn’t exactly expect my first kiss to go like that, but?—”

He jerks back like I slapped him. “Wait… What?”

My mouth snaps shut.

Oh no.

I feel the blood drain from my face, then rush back all at once, burning across my cheeks, down my neck, flooding me with heat and panic.

He’s staring at me, eyes wide, completely stunned. “That was… that was your first kiss?”

Shit.

I try to look away, but the weight of his gaze is like a spotlight. I feel small. Stupid. Like I just revealed something I shouldn’t have. Like I gave him one more reason to look at me differently.

“Yeah.”

He blinks, like he still doesn’t believe it. “Your first?”

“Mhm.”

God, this is so embarrassing. Why did I say that? Why couldn’t I just lie, or change the subject, or bite my tongue for once in my life?