S awyer flopped onto the sofa on Monday morning and noted the way his pets watched him with pitying expressions. “What? I’m entering my Moping Era,” he told them. “And that’s capital M and capital E , in case you’re wondering.”
Dolly and Bones looked at one another, and he would’ve sworn a silent communication passed between them. What were they saying about him? He growled in frustration over his own ridiculousness. Dolly and Bones weren’t human, even though he treated them as such. Sawyer needed to stop projecting his anxious, self-pitying thoughts onto his pets because they couldn’t think and reason like he did. But that didn’t stop him from talking to them like they understood his struggles.
“Yeah, I’m a mess.” He’d tried to hide his melancholy by pretending to be asleep when Royce kissed him before leaving. But the ruse hadn’t worked, and Royce nuzzled his nose in Sawyer’s neck before kissing a path up to his ear.
“Call Kelsey and do something fun today,” he’d whispered. “Keep your mind busy so you don’t ruminate on the past or work yourself up over things that haven’t happened yet.”
“You think you know me?” Sawyer had asked groggily.
A soft chuckle had rumbled from Royce’s chest. The sound was warm and tender, and Sawyer had wanted to wrap it around him like a blanket cocoon. “I know you better than I know myself. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Royce had placed one last kiss on his cheek before leaving their bedroom. Sawyer had tried to go back to sleep, but his husband’s predictions had been spot-on, so he’d thrown back the covers and dove into his usual morning routine for himself and the pets. Then he started cleaning their already spotless house while listening to podcast episodes on healing anxiety and working through trauma responses. The combination of movement and positive encouragement helped get him into a good headspace, but an undercurrent of angst still rippled beneath his skin and made him itchy. As long as Sawyer kept moving, he could ignore the sensation. He debated doing a deeper clean, like moving appliances to scrub under and behind them, when his phone chimed with a notification. He picked it up and saw a Ring camera alert for activity in front of the house. His pulse raced with excitement at the prospect of Royce returning home, but a ball of warmth formed in his chest when he played the video and saw Kelsey’s vehicle pull into the driveway instead.
He leaped from the couch and jogged to the front door, yanking it open as she stepped onto the porch wearing a strapless yellow romper that was almost as sunny as her smile. She’d pulled her curls into a ponytail and wore a white-and-yellow-patterned headscarf. Kels had accessorized the look with chunky asymmetrical earrings and a collection of white and yellow bangle bracelets on her wrists. She was barefaced and as fresh as the tiny daisies dotting the thin yellow straps of her flip-flops. She’d slung her purse and an oversized tote over one shoulder and carried a paper bag with handles in the other.
Sawyer released a slow whistle. “You look like you just walked off the set of Palm Royale. ” They’d loved the costumes from the first season and Ricky Martin, of course. The guy just kept getting sexier with age. “Have you ever looked less than gorgeous for a single day of your life?” Sawyer asked. “And don’t you dare mention childbirth because I’ve seen the pictures, and you looked like a million bucks after pushing a human out of your body.”
Kelsey snorted and rolled her eyes, but her smile grew impossibly bigger. “I took a few minutes to tidy up before I let Andrew take pictures of me holding Ella. I was a hot-ass mess.”
“Huh-uh,” Sawyer said dismissively. He’d visited Kelsey at the hospital when she was in active labor. A sheen of sweat had coated her face as she breathed through an intense contraction. Maybe she considered herself a hot mess, but Sawyer had never seen anyone look more fiercely beautiful. A hard lump lodged in his throat when he realized that he and Royce would get to share this experience with Kelsey when she brought their baby into the world. Not if, when. He had to believe and not let negative thoughts win. Sawyer tried to say more, but the words wouldn’t come.
“I know.” Kelsey lowered the paper bag to the porch and wrapped her arms around him.
Sawyer held her as close as the bulky tote permitted and breathed in her comforting jasmine-and-vanilla scent. A deep breath dislodged the lump, freeing his vocal cords. “I’m so grateful for you.”
Kelsey pulled back and patted his cheek. “And that’s before you know about the goodies I brought for us.” She picked up the paper bag and turned it so he could see the bakery logo on it.
“Good thing my shorts have an elastic waistband.” He relieved Kelsey of her burdens and stepped aside so she could enter. “Did Royce ask you to check on me?” Sawyer asked as he shut the door and followed Kelsey to the kitchen. He doubted very much that her appearance was serendipitous after the comment Royce had made before leaving.
“No.” Kelsey set her purse on an island stool and then turned to face him. “I texted him to see how he was holding up while investigating the Matisse case.”
“And that’s when he told you I was moping around and creating problems that haven’t happened yet?”
Kelsey shook her head. “He expressed the mindfuck this situation was having on every person who’d ever visited a fertility clinic.” She reached for Sawyer’s hand and squeezed. “You should call Dr. Flores and talk to her about the situation. She can give you assurances that will ease your anxieties.”
“She’s going to get bombarded with calls. Every person who has sought her services will freak out.”
“Understandably so,” Kelsey said. “But it is her job to reassure her patients that they aren’t a victim of a heinous crime.”
“I’ll consider it,” Sawyer told her. “Are you okay?” They’d talked numerous times since the news broke, but Kelsey’s resolve was as unflappable as her faith in Dr. Flores.
“I am because I won’t entertain the idea that some random dude’s sperm could’ve been blasted into my uterus, either intentionally or by accident.”
Sawyer cringed at the images her words created. “That’s an unimaginable violation that should have serious repercussions. Fraud just doesn’t seem like a harsh enough classification.”
“Matisse wasn’t the only doctor to pull this shit. Fertility procedures were so new when he started that there weren’t many laws and regulations governing the treatments.” Kelsey sighed. “Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ve moved the needle forward much since then. All the attention focuses on the financial fraud aspect and not the emotional trauma of what feels like the deepest betrayal to these victims.” She inhaled deeply and shook her body on the exhale, as if to physically purge the bad thoughts. “I’m here to distract you and not feed into your fears.” She held out her hand for her tote bag, and Sawyer passed it to her. Kelsey pulled out a large tablet and grinned. “Royce told me you picked out a color for the baby’s room. How do you feel about creating a Pinterest board for decorating ideas?”
It felt like something he should do with Royce, though his husband showed more interest in the high-tech gadgets like the electric baby swing with a wide base that gently and quietly swayed from side to side. Picking out the paint color had all been for Sawyer’s benefit. Hesitation must’ve shown in his face because Kelsey placed a cool hand on his arm.
“Or not. I don’t mean to overstep,” she said.
Sawyer was quick to assure her. “You’re not. We don’t have a clue about what babies need, and we welcome your input.” He gestured to her abdomen and added, “There won’t be a baby without you, so…”
Kelsey stepped forward and cupped his face with both hands. “Sweetheart, I volunteered to help create and carry a baby for you and Royce. There’s nothing more I want to do than help you both realize your dreams of growing your family. That said, being your surrogate slash best friend doesn’t entitle me to make decisions about the baby’s nursery, how they’ll dress, or where they’ll go to school.”
Sawyer grimaced. “That sounds harsh.”
“It’s honest, and I need to remind myself of the role I’ve chosen.” She cocked her head to the side and smiled. “I’m going to have opinions.”
“You? I’m shocked,” Sawyer teased.
“Mm-hmm. But that doesn’t mean I need to air them.” Kelsey briefly placed a finger over his mouth before he could respond. “Your friendship means the world to me, and I think it’s important we acknowledge this arrangement might get hard at times. I can’t grow a human inside my body without forming an emotional bond, no matter how many times I tell myself that he or she won’t be mine to keep. You and Royce will have your own set of fears to battle, even though you both trust me with your whole hearts. Utmost honesty is going to be crucial here, and we might need to establish boundaries to preserve relationships we all value as much as our marriages. But all the challenges will all be worth it in the end because the baby will have the most amazing dads and the most stylish auntie on the planet.”
“Our child will have the most stylish godmother ,” Sawyer corrected. “And he or she will know what an amazing gift you’ve given us. Every birthday and milestone will happen because of your selflessness.”
Kelsey hugged, shook her head, and then patted her head. “Fine. You can erect a statue of me in the new backyard that Royce is probably sketching in his head after his trip to Dr. Matisse’s house.”
Sawyer snorted. “He told you about the gardens too? I’ve lost track of how many times he’s mentioned the layout and the goddess water fountain.”
Kelsey struck a dramatic pose and said, “I’m not a goddess, but my husband thinks I am. Does that count?”
“Absolutely.”
He leaned over the bag from the French bakery and peered inside. The smell of buttery, flaky pastry made his mouth water. “Croissants?”
“Four different varieties.” Kelsey pulled several containers from her tote bag and set them onto the counter. “And I brought all the ingredients to make Greek yogurt parfaits.”
“French pastries and Greek dairy products,” Sawyer said.
“I say we go to our favorite Mexican restaurant for a late lunch or early dinner and score an international eating trifecta.”
“You have the best ideas,” Sawyer said. “Which is why I’d love to build a Pinterest board for the baby with you. I’ll show it to Royce, and we’ll add or delete things as we go. Thank you, Kels. I really need this— us —today.”
“I did too.” She pecked a quick kiss to his cheek before retrieving bowls from the cabinet. “I brought tropical fruits, strawberries, and blueberries. The smallest container has the homemade granola Andrew makes. It tastes so much better than anything you can buy in the store, and it’s much better for you.”
Sawyer pulled the box of croissants from the bag and lifted it to his nose. “Nothing unhealthy about the amount of butter I’m about to consume in one of these.”
Kelsey laughed as she began spooning vanilla yogurt into a bowl. “We both know it’s all about balance.”
Sawyer opened the box and bit back a moan. “I think Royce has rubbed off on me.”
That earned a snort from his friend. “Pretty sure he does that multiple times a week, love.”
Grinning, Sawyer met Kelsie’s knowing grin. “I was referring to my newfound obsession with pastries. But yeah, the other thing is also very true.” He waggled his brows. “Twice on Sundays.”
She slapped his shoulder and snagged the box of croissants from his hand. “Attaboy.”
Sawyer had always been open with Kelsey, never shying away from any subject, including things Royce might not be enthusiastic about her knowing. But that’s how best friends rolled. Kelsey talked freely about her physical relationship with Andrew, so he knew they were just as amorous as Sawyer and Royce. The thought made him pause. In all the planning for the baby, he’d never considered how the pregnancy might interfere with Kelsey and Andrew’s sex life. It felt a little late to bring it up, but he’d ruminate and make himself miserable if he didn’t. And Kels had said honesty was crucial. “Um, Kels, is the pregnancy going to interfere with your love life? I know Andrew finds you incredibly sexy when pregnant, but will it be an issue physically?”
“Not unless there are unforeseeable complications.” Kelsey pointed at him. “Don’t go borrowing trouble. There’s no reason to believe anything will go awry. If this pregnancy is like my last one…” A wicked grin spread across her face. “Andrew will need to double up on vitamins and get plenty of protein because pregnancy hormones make ya girl crazy horny. My man had the best sex of our lives when I was pregnant with Ella. Why do you think he jumped all over the surrogacy idea when I brought it up to him? He’s going to reap all the benefits without having to care for a newborn.”
“But there’s the long recovery afterward when you won’t be able to have sex,” Sawyer said.
“Baby, that’s when my man will get to recover too.” She leaned closer and lowered her voice, even though there was no one to overhear them except for the cat and dog. “And we both know there are other ways to please our men.”
Their shared laughter eased Sawyer’s tension, and he kissed her cheek. “You’re the best.”
Kelsey placed a hand on her chest. “That’s what I keep telling people, but I swear you’re the only one who gets it.”
They laughed and talked about random things as they built parfaits and picked their croissants. Sawyer went with a honey lavender, and Kelsey chose the decadent chocolate.
“Do you want to sit out by the pool?” Sawyer asked.
“Hell yes. I brought my swimsuit so I can soak up the sun and float lazily in the pool.”
“You’re welcome to enjoy it anytime. You could’ve brought Andrew and Ella too.”
She held a finger to her lips. “Shhh. Mama needed a little break with her bestie.”
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
Sawyer poured orange juice for Kelsey and made another cup of coffee for himself. They talked about random things while they enjoyed the treats Kelsey brought. Eventually, their conversation veered to work as it often did.
“What was your impression of Alec Bishop?” Kelsey asked. “I’m not sure what to make of him.”
“Contrary to what Royce claims, I spent very little time around him. I think the side of his personality he shows to the public might differ from what he displays privately. He’s more introspective during his speaking engagement and comes across as almost shy. He was much more outgoing and relaxed one-on-one.”
Kelsey’s shoulders straightened, and she tilted her head. “That’s interesting. The two of you had just met, so why did he let his hair down with you?”
“Royce thinks he wants to fuck me.”
Kelsey’s dark brow shot up. “Does he?”
Shrugging, Sawyer said, “I don’t know.”
“Which of his personas is the real one?”
Sawyer sat back in his chair and pondered her question. “Honestly, they both feel genuine.”
“Maybe he has a personality disorder, or he’s a Gemini like you,” Kelsey teased.
“Nice, Kels. Thanks.”
“But seriously, there’s no denying Alec Bishop did a good thing. A great thing,” she amended. “Exposing his father’s evil actions at the cost of his own freedom and anonymity is commendable.
“Very,” Sawyer agreed.
Kelsey ran her finger along the rim of her juice glass as she considered him. “But you’re not convinced.”
Shrugging, Sawyer said, “I’m a skeptic by nature, and I’ve always questioned things.” He took the last sip of coffee. “Especially something that’s too good to be true.”
“Or someone.”
Sawyer tipped his head to acknowledge her remark. “And Alec only wanted to talk about potential unsolved cases instead of the ones authorities already closed. He’s fixated on finding new victims and bringing their stories to light. That’s where I started to suspect that Alec is more enamored with the limelight than getting justice or providing closure.”
“How so?” Kelsey asked.
“Nothing he has done so far focuses on the victims or includes their families. His best-selling book details his life with Andrew and the moment he uncovered the cache of evidence that suggested his father could be a serial killer. He briefly named each identified victim, but we don’t learn anything about them. It’s almost like an editor said, ‘Hey, it feels like a real dick move not to acknowledge your father’s victims,’ and so Alec did, but without giving any color to their lives. They’ve stayed one-dimensional, grayscale background characters in the narrative, while Andrew and Alec are these vibrant, dimensional characters. Why would I expect him to treat new victims any different?” Sawyer realized his face was hot, and his pulse was faster. He took a deep breath and exhaled. “I didn’t realize how much that bothered me until now.”
Kelsey reached over and patted his hand. “You have the best instincts of anyone I know. If you say there’s something off, then I believe you.”
Sawyer grimaced. “I’d just feel better if he was making a podcast about the identified victims and allowing their families to talk about their daughters, sisters, mothers, and wives. But doing an investigative podcast to uncover new victims sounds sexier and is probably far more lucrative.”
“You could always make stipulations for your participation,” Kelsey suggested. “You already have to set very strict boundaries to protect your professional reputation. Why not throw in a few other caveats, like bonus episodes to highlight the women his father killed? Not all families will want to take part, but there will be friends or coworkers who can give color to their lives.”
“That’s an excellent idea,” Sawyer said. “Beautiful and brilliant.”
Kelsey brought both hands to her face and balanced her chin on them. “Thank you.” Kelsey liked to joke that only Sawyer recognized her beauty and brains, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. And she didn’t need or require anyone’s adulation because confidence was hard-wired into her DNA, a trait he hoped she would pass on to his and Royce’s child.
“Enough shop talk,” Kelsey said, waving her hands. “Ready to look at ideas for the nursery?”
A wave of sadness washed over him as Sawyer remembered another time when he’d thought a nursery was in his future. One minute, his life with Vic was as perfect as it could get, and the next, Sawyer was burying his husband and his dreams of fatherhood. In his darkest hours, just getting out of bed required herculean strength, and Sawyer couldn’t have imagined the future that waited for him. He was again on the verge of having it all. The intellectual part of his brain knew damn well that the universe wasn’t out to get him. The fertility horror stories and the sad memories weren’t an omen, and making nursery plans wasn’t tempting fate. But his brain’s emotional center was in overdrive at the moment, triggering anxiety-driven thoughts that would lead him to really dark places if he let them. So he wouldn’t.
Sawyer closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled it slowly to reset his vagus nerve. He called on all the love, joy, and inner light in his soul to push away the darkness and fear. He imagined a glowing orb expanding and getting brighter until its brilliant light was all he could see. When he reopened his eyes, he met Kelsey’s concerned gaze with a reassuring smile. “I’m ready.”
“Yeah?”
Sawyer nodded eagerly. “I just had a trippy moment there and needed a reset.”
Kelsey held his gaze for a few seconds before scooting her chair closer so they could look at the tablet together. Sawyer had heard of Pinterest, but he’d never explored the site. Kelsey helped him set up an account and showed him how to create a board, mark it as private, and search the site for ideas.
“Oh, wow,” Sawyer said. “There are so many things to choose from.”
“Don’t get overwhelmed. You can pin anything that stands out to you and go back into the board and narrow it down. You can remove pinned items that don’t fit or that Royce doesn’t like. It’s a digital mood board, so you can move things around according to your…mood.” They started with the functional things the room needed first. They added different styles of cribs, dressers, armoires, and changing tables to the board.
“You’ll want one of these,” Kelsey said, pointing to a sunny yellow glider with a matching footstool. “They’re perfect for late-night feedings and soothing a little one to sleep.” When Sawyer saved it to the collection, Kelsey added, “I didn’t mean you had to add this glider. You can get them with just about any fabric color or texture.”
“Yeah, I know, but I like the sunny yellow one. It will look great with the pale gray paint, and it reminds me of you.”
“Charmer.”
“So they say,” Sawyer replied as he typed “baby bedding” into the search bar. “Oh, that one,” Sawyer said, tapping on the first image featuring a white crib with a baby quilt folded over the edge. Adorable baby safari animals filled each square of the blanket. They were cartoony enough for a nursery without straying too far from the real animals. “I really love this one.”
“Add it to the collection, and keep scrolling to see if anything else jumps out at you.”
The magnitude and range of nursery themes was impressive and sometimes overwhelming. Sawyer found a few other contenders, but the baby safari animals remained his first pick. Kelsey helped him find storage and decor options that matched the theme, including wall stickers that looked like murals. He just needed to convince Royce.
Sawyer was shocked when he noticed the time. “We’ve been at this for almost two hours.”
“Welcome to the Pinterest rabbit hole. Wait until you explore recipes and life hacks.”
“That’s probably better than the carpet cleaning videos I got hooked on while I was in Denver,” Sawyer told her.
“What? Show me?”
They spent another hour watching his new friend James tackle dirty rugs with his adorably named machines and tools before they moved to the pool. Swimming for Kelsey meant floating on a raft with a cold beverage in her hand and warning people not to get her hair wet. Sawyer enjoyed a dip in the cold water before he hoisted himself on a raft and sipped a virgin strawberry daiquiri he’d whipped up for them in the blender. And that’s where Royce found them when he returned home. He’d changed out of his work clothes and put on tropical-themed board shorts and a white tank top. Seeing his husband’s handsome face had the same intoxicating effect as the booze he’d left out of the drink.
“Yay!” Kelsey and Sawyer cheered.
Royce smirked as he approached them. He tossed his phone onto a lounger before walking to the edge of the pool. “I could get used to this kind of greeting.” He squatted down, reached for Sawyer’s float, and tugged him closer. “You look blissful.”
“I am. I have the most amazing husband and best friend.” Sawyer puckered his lips for a kiss.
Royce eyed him warily but leaned forward. Sawyer grabbed a fistful of his tank top and pulled him into the water.
“Hey now,” Kelsey said, holding up her hand as if that would keep her curls dry. “You know the rules.”
Royce emerged from the water looking like an aquatic god. He slicked the drenched hair off his forehead and apologized to Kelsey for Sawyer’s naughty behavior. “I will teach him a lesson.”
“Mm-hmm. I just bet you will, but can it wait? My bestie promised me Mexican food.”
Royce held Sawyer’s gaze as he said, “Sure thing. Let him worry about his punishment for a few hours.”
Worry wasn’t causing the tingle of arousal in Sawyer’s balls.
Kelsey snorted and paddled closer to the edge of the pool.
“Where are you going?” Sawyer asked.
“I’m going to call Andrew and ask him to meet us at the restaurant. Our little angel is still with Grandma, so we can have an adult double date. Chips, salsa, and all the beans!”
“Lucky Andrew,” Royce called after her.
Kelsey acknowledged him with a bark of laughter as she rummaged through her purse for her phone.
“How was your day?” Sawyer asked.
“Boring and frustrating.” Royce rested his hands on the raft and pulled it closer when Sawyer started to drift away. “I don’t know much more than I did yesterday, so I could’ve stayed home and enjoyed the day with you.” He glanced over at the patio where Kelsey talked on the phone to Andrew. “But I think you had the day you needed.”
“You’re always my first choice to do anything with, and I’m glad you’re home now.” Sawyer ran his fingers through Royce’s hair. “What’s this about a punishment?”
Royce placed a hand on Sawyer’s thigh and squeezed. His gray eyes smoldered with an intensity that made Sawyer suck in a sharp breath. “Before dinner, we’re going to shower together.” Royce trailed his fingers up Sawyer’s legs until he reached the bottom of his swim shorts. “I’m going to work you up to the point of painful arousal and refuse to let you come.” When Kelsey went inside the house, Royce slipped his fingers under the shorts and brushed them against Sawyer’s balls through the mesh liner. “You’ll sit across the table from me, primed and ready to fuck, fighting the urge to squirm and give yourself away or make yourself come.” Royce slipped his fingers under the mesh netting and cupped Sawyer fully, skin to skin.
“Come?”
Royce dipped his fingers lower, pushing between Sawyer’s ass cheeks to tap a finger against his quivering pucker. “Squirming will press the butt plug against your prostate.”
The words alone were enough to make Sawyer groan and press against Royce’s finger. They hadn’t used a plug in a long time, and the prospect of doing so in public sent sharp pangs of arousal straight to his balls. Royce eased his hand free of his swimming trunks, but not before Sawyer’s body reacted to the physical and verbal stimulation.
“Can’t have that,” Royce said, nodding toward Sawyer’s semi-erection. “You should cool off.” He grabbed the daiquiri with one hand and flipped Sawyer’s raft with the other.
Sawyer knew the payback was coming, but he still managed to get water up his nose. He sputtered when he surfaced, reclaimed his fruity drink, and kissed Royce hard on the mouth. “What will you do to me after we get home from dinner?”
Royce gripped Sawyer’s ass with both hands and yanked him forward. “You’ll just have to wait and find out.”