Page 82 of The Parent Trap
Her eyes fix on me, and now tears stream down in rivulets. “I’m scared.”
“Of what?” I know, though.
A swallow, a deep breath. Gaze drops. “I’m scared that…that once you’re done with me, you’re gonna go back to…to being mean.” Eyes up to mine, then, giving me the full force of her tumultuous flood of emotions. “I’m scared this all a game, some…some long con you’re playing. A big, cruel joke.”
She shakes her head, shrugs again.
“I know you feel guilty for how you were, Thai. And I do believe you’ve changed—that you’re genuinely working to become a better person. And that’s great.” She swallows hard, and she can’t quite look at me, tears dripping off her chin. “But that doesn’t erase how you made me feel. It doesn’t change or undo the damage you did. Iwantto like you. Iwantto trust you. Iwantto let myself just be attracted to you and believe what you’re saying about me.”
“But?” I whisper.
“But…it’s not that easy. I’m sorry, but it’s just not.” A shudder, as of a suppressed sob. “You nearly fucking destroyed me, Thai. You don’t know. You don’tknow. It took years of therapy just to be able to look at myself in the mirror. To trust that a guy could actuallylikeme. Be attracted to me. Thai…the scars you left go deep. You wounded me. Damaged me. And then you just left and forgot all about me. And then when you finally waltz back in ten fucking years later, itseemslike you’re this brand-new, changed, amazing guy. And Iwantto believe that. But to the wounds you left on me, the last ten years of time and space may as well have not happened. The fear and the hurt all come sweeping back in, fresh as the day you left for Yale.”
She squeezes her eyes shut even more tightly, and tears trickle in a sudden freshet.
Then, her eyes open and meet mine.
“So, I guess…I know you’re trying, Thai. I do. I see it—” She’s trying like hell to keep it in, to hold it off. But she can’t.
The tears and the shaking of suppressed sobs—it breaks. She breaks.
Hunches forward, shaking her head and covering her face with her hands, shoulders heaving, sobbing. Trying to talk through the sobs. “I’m trying, Thai—I—I am—but…but you just—you hurt mesofucking bad—forsofucking long.”
My throat closes. I knew I was an asshole. But I think…maybe I’ve underestimated how badly I really did hurt her. My eyes burn. Guilt is acidic inside me.
“I’m sorry, Delia.” My voice is ragged. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
“I’m trying.” Her shoulders rise and fall in slow, deep, calming breaths. “I’m trying. It’ll take time, but I’m trying.”
“Nothing I say can fix it. I can’t take away or change what I did. I know that.” I trace my thumb over her lips. “Just…give me a chance, Delia. Please,please, give me a chance to prove that I’m not that person anymore. That I really have changed.”
“No one ever changes as much as you have—as much as itseemslike you have.”
“It’s been almost two months that I’ve been back.” I pause, reach out to add some cold to the shower stream. “You’re giving mewaytoo much credit as an actor if you think I can keep up an act this involved.”
A tear-wet laugh. “Maybe.”
“Just give me a chance,” I say, searching her gaze and offering her the fullness of me, in my own expression. Nothing hidden. All my cards out on the table. “Please, just…just give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking.”
“A chance for…what?”
I shrug. “I dunno.” I swallow hard. “This?” I grip her hands in mine, squeeze. “You and me.”
Her eyes search me, looking for duplicity, probably. She won’t see it, because there isn’t any.
Tears stand in her eyes, and her chest lifts with a deep, shaky breath. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
I smile. “Yeah, you are.”
She blinks hard, clearing the tears, takes one hand back to dash her wrist against her eyes—and then re-takes my hand. “Baby steps, Thai. Take the win you’ve got, okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, I hear you.”
“I don’t know that I fully trust you, yet. But…I’ll…I’ll try. That’s all I can give you. But you have to know, Thai—you have little margin for error.Nomargin for error. Hurt me, and I—I won’t get this back.”
“I know.” I swallow hard. “Just remember that I’m not perfect, okay?” I squeeze her hand. “I don’t want to ever hurt you, ever again. I’ve hurt you enough for a thousand lifetimes, and I regret it more than anything, wish I could take it back more than anything. But as much as I’m not that guy anymore, I’m still not perfect. I’m not…”
She laughs, a delicate, fragile huff. “I don’t mean a misunderstanding or an honest mistake.” Her eyes cut back and forth still. “You have a capacity to hurt me like no one else, Thai. That’s what I mean.” She lets go of my hands and wiggles forward toward the edge of the counter. “Now, let me get in that shower—I’mfreezing.”