Page 25

Walking out of the room and leaving her lying in bed is so difficult for me. I want to ask her a thousand questions.

I want to know why she hid this from me.

She knew I wanted a child, we’d spoken about it before, so why wouldn’t she tell me that she’s pregnant?

I sigh heavily as I take the stairs, headed to the kitchen to make her tea.

There could be a simple explanation. Just one I don’t want to accept.

She doesn’t want the baby and was planning to end the pregnancy before I found out about it. Does she not want to be with me?

The idea stirs anger and resentment in me.

No, stop, you can’t jump to conclusions.

There must be some way for me to get my mind to stop racing in looping circles. I can’t drown her with my questions and worries now. The doctor made it clear. She needs rest. The last thing she needs so drama.

I have to wait until she’s ready to talk, and I have to give her space to heal from what she’s been through.

Over the next few days, Lara is on bed rest, but she moves to her own room, which hurts even more. I haven’t spoken to her at all about the pregnancy. In fact, I haven’t spoken to her about anything. My questions are limited to asking her how she’s feeling, and then leaving her in peace.

I’m going crazy.

I can’t take much more of this.

I need to know what’s going on with her.

Or you need to accept that she doesn’t want it and be a fucking man and get over it.

I ’ ve spent the day pacing again. Another day locked in this state of rejection and confusion.

I love her. It means nothing if she doesn’t love you too, Nestor.

My mother is coming to visit me today. She was horrified when she found out what happened with Miron, and she wanted to come over right away, but I asked her to give me a little time.

She insisted on coming today.

I guess she is as restless as I am; this news must be shocking to her, finding out I was right the entire time, even though she didn’t want to believe it.

I have the chef set up a table of snacks and drinks outside on the patio. My mother is fond of her tea spreads, and it takes my mind off everything else to arrange them for her.

When she arrives, she doesn’t even say hello—she just wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight.

“I’m so sorry, Nestor. I honestly didn’t believe it.”

I hold her close, sighing. “I know, Mom. I’m just glad it’s all out in the open now.”

She doesn’t let go for a long time, and I know there is a sense of guilt from her for not listening to me. I don’t feel that way towards her, though; I don’t have anger or blame. The only person at fault here is Miron.

“Come on, I’ve made your favorite,” I say, leading my mom out to the patio to sit in the afternoon sun.

“Where is Lara? I was hoping to see her,” my mom says, sitting down.

“She’s resting, Mom. She went through a lot. And—she’s pregnant,” I say tightly, not sure if I should be celebrating or not.

“Are you serious?” Mom says excitedly.

“I am, but she didn’t tell me about it. I found out from the doctor. I don’t know if she ever planned to tell me.” I pick up a small cupcake and toy with it, not interested in eating it, but needing something to do with my hands.

“I see,” my mother says, understanding my concerns. She reaches out and takes the cupcake from me, setting it aside. “Nestor, I want you to listen to me.”

I turn my body towards her and nod.

“Firstly, I want to tell you how sorry I am—"

“Mom, I don’t—"

“Shush. I said I need you to listen. I need to say this. Okay?”

I nod again. “Sorry.”

“I’m so sorry for not believing you. Miron and I were never close. I hardly spent any time with him. He was close with his father, and I was close with Sergei. Sergei meant the world to me, and because he was a good man, I thought his son was, too.

“So, I wasn’t close to him, but I certainly didn’t think he was after my family or that he would do anything like this. However, I should have trusted you.”

She pauses, swallowing, chewing the inside of her cheek.

“Mom,” I say, taking her hand. “I don’t blame you in any way. Miron is the monster. He’s the one I hate. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

She nods. “Now, tell me, what is going on with Lara?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug, huffing.

“Nestor, I’ve never seen you so happy before. The way you smile when you’re around her, your entire face lights up. Maybe you aren’t even aware yet, but I can see the love in you. And I am certain I can see it in her, too.”

“I don’t think so, Mom. If she loved me, why would she hide the pregnancy? And even now, over the past few days, she’s moved back into her own room, she’s not talking to me…”

As I sit explaining to my mother that Lara is avoiding me, I realize that she’s been in one room the entire time. I’m the one who’s avoiding her.

“ What is it?” Mom asks, noticing my pause.

I sigh again, frustrated, not knowing what to do.

“Nestor, my boy, you are a powerful man. You have a great deal of responsibilities, and I understand you need to present a certain face to the world. However, even bratva leaders fall in love. Even bratva leaders fight for love.”

“Do you think she wants me to fight for her?” I ask, tilting my head to the side.

“I think she is unsure of how you feel about her. Have you told her? Have you shown her?”

I let my mother’s question turn over in my mind. I haven’t shown her, no. And I’ve never told her how I feel.

Mom waits patiently, picking up a cupcake and enjoying it with a sly smile on her face as though she knows secret things.

I laugh at her. “Don’t look so smug.”

“Mothers know everything, my boy,” she laughs. “You still need my advice even at your age. Let me enjoy the moment.”

***

The conversation with my mother made things glaringly obvious to me. I was the one pushing her away. The doctor said to let her rest, not to abandon her to be alone and feel unwanted. Honesty, it was a stupid mistake.

The night after talking to my mother, I leave a note on Lara’s pillow while she’s sleeping in the afternoon. It’s an invitation to join me for dinner that same evening.

At eight o’clock, when she comes downstairs. I’m waiting for her.

“Hi, I thought you might want to get out of the room for a bit,” I smile, holding my hand out to guide her, not to the dining room, but towards the front door.

“Oh, Nestor, I’m not dressed to go out-out,” she says in a panic, glancing down at her sweatpants.

“No, but you can come and see something quickly.”

I push the door open, and parked at the bottom of the steps is a brand-new Audi.

“Because yours was ruined,” I smile, happy to be spoiling her.

“Oh, thank you, that’s very kind of you.”

“I also know how much you enjoy working on those data puzzles, so I got you this.” I hand her a new laptop, the latest MacBook Air.

“Nestor, thank you, this will definitely help.” She smiles, but her smile is tight.

“Um, and dinner is waiting for us in the dining room. I ordered Chinese, because you never got your chow mein.” As I say, I remember the day she phoned me. I can’t believe I forgot. She wanted to tell me something at dinner that night. Something important that she didn’t want to say over the phone.

She was going to tell me about the pregnancy. How could I have forgotten such an important thing ? I can’t believe I’m only realizing this now.

We’re standing on the front step, staring at the car. I turn to face her and smile. “I realized something,” I say quietly, watching her.

“Mm?” She says, her shoulders tense, her arms wrapped around herself.

“I need to apologize.” I sigh.

“For what?” She knots her brows.

“I’ve been so caught up in my own head, thinking and overthinking about why you were hiding the pregnancy from me, but you weren’t. You were going to tell me that night, weren’t you? That's what you were talking about on the phone.”

She nods. “I was. I wanted to tell you in person.”

“I’m such an idiot,” I chuckle. I can’t believe I’ve been worried about all the reasons she was hiding it from me when she wasn’t.

I wrap my arm around her waist and Lara lets me lead her to the dining room, where she sits, too tense, too rigid, poking at her bowl of chow mein.

“Lara, what’s wrong? Please talk to me,” I say gently.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the gifts, Nestor. It’s wonderful that you are providing me with the tools I need to work with you to solve all the stuff with Miron. It’s just that—"

“That’s not what this was about,” I say in surprise.

“What do you mean?” she looks up at me, her brows knitted.

“I didn’t want to give you tools —I just wanted to spoil you. I’ve also ordered perfume and a beautiful new dress for you for a date I want to take you on when you feel ready. It’s got nothing to do with work or Miron.”

“Oh. I thought you wanted to strengthen our professional relationship,” she says, setting her chopsticks down and watching me.

“ Professional —" I laugh. “No, Lara. I want to see you smile. I want to spoil you by giving you everything your heart has ever wanted. I want to give you the world because— because I love you. ”

Her mouth drops open, and her eyes shoot wide.

“You love me?” she stammers, her eyes glittering with the threat of tears.

“I do,” I chuckle.

“What about—you only kept me here because I owed you the debt of clearing my debts. I sold myself to you. How can you love me? I thought you only wanted an heir from me.”

I stand up and walk around the table to her side.

I pull her from her seat into my arms. “Lara, I never saw it that way. I never thought you owed me anything; when I made that ‘deal’, it was only because I didn’t want you to leave.

Even back then, my heart was falling for you.

I might not have understood it, but I was already fighting to keep you close.

You never sold yourself to me, Lara. I wanted to help you, and I wanted to have you near me. ”

Lara looks bewildered as she stares up at me, and I start to worry that her expression is one of concern.

I step away from her, not dropping my arms from around her, but giving her a tiny bit of space.

“Lara?” I say tensely, and the questions I want to ask won’t come to my lips.

She seems to understand my fears, and a wide smile breaks across her face.

“I love you too, Nestor. I am so madly in love with you, and I was too scared to tell you. I was scared you didn’t feel the same way.”

Her words slam into me, and happiness washes over my entire soul.

“You love me, too?” I laugh, pulling her tight against me again.

She giggles, crushed against me. “I can’t breathe,” she complains, still laughing.

I pull her away again and wrap my hand around her cheek. Tilting her head up towards me, I lean down and kiss her.

All this time, we were both too scared to tell the other, and all this time, we felt the same way.

The kiss sends fire flooding through me, an intense, deeply emotional yearning for her. Something so beautiful, so real, that it causes me to choke back tears that I have never cried before.

Lara leans away from me and gently touches my face.

“We’re both idiots, aren’t we?” she smiles.

“Yes, we really are. We could have been enjoying this ages ago,” I laugh.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’m going to be sharing your bed from now on.”

“Are you kidding? The housekeeper is already moving your stuff across to the open closets in my room,” I tease.

“Let’s never keep secrets from each other, Nestor. I want to tell you everything, forever.”

“Let’s get married again,” I say, watching her eyes light up. “A real wedding, with a beautiful dress and my family there.”

She squeals in excitement and jumps into my arms.

The dinner is forgotten as I carry her upstairs to our room.