Page 22 of The Pakhan’s Arranged Bride (West Coast Bratva Pakhans #2)

When I looked into his eyes and saw the pain in those beautiful dark, blue-gray pools, pain as deep as the ocean, it shattered my heart. I did that. I’m the reason he feels betrayed.

And it’s because I did betray him.

Maybe not in the beginning; when this all started, we both stood to gain from the agreement. But as time went on, everything changed. I just wasn’t ready or willing to accept how things had changed.

But they did.

And I have feelings for this man.

And with the way he looked at me earlier—he had feelings for me, too. A connection that I betrayed.

After he left, I could’ve chased after him, but I knew better. I could see nothing good would come out of talking until he had a chance to think about what I’d told him—and to decide what he wants for himself now.

He has every right to be furious.

After his kind, gentle patience, his reassurance about our baby and promising to be there for me, I was still keeping secrets, using him.

I don’t know what I deserve, but I don’t deserve him.

I have no idea what to do with myself, to ease away the anxiety eating me alive. I’m such a fool, so selfish for doing this to him. I was so blinded by my hatred towards Miron I didn’t realize I was becoming someone I didn’t want to be. A person who uses people they are supposed to care about.

After a while, I seek refuge in the library, between the pages of a new book. But I can’t get into it. I can’t focus and I’m reading the same paragraph over and over again, my eyes constantly roaming to the door, hoping Benedikt will walk through it.

Two hours have passed since our fight when I hear his voice as he walks into the library. My body melts with relief, noting how calm he is, despite his eyes still holding a lot of emotion.

“Did you finish the other one already?” he asks, smiling tightly as he glances at the last book I was reading.

In the ending of that book, the two lovers go separate ways. The woman’s betrayal was too much for the man to bear, and he was too broken to offer her love.

I can feel Benedikt’s eyes on me, but I don’t have the courage to look at him. I want to argue and tell him we can still have a happy ending.

“Ulyana, what did Miron do to you to hurt you so badly that your thirst for revenge became this severe?”

His question sinks into me.

This severe. Severe enough to be a liar and a manipulator. Is that what he means?

I swallow hard.

“I never meant to hurt you, Benedikt. But I was obsessed with getting revenge on Miron.” Saying it is like a confession. Even to myself. I was obsessed. And I made selfish choices.

Benedikt says nothing, he just waits.

“Miron has always had an intense fascination with me. He made it clear from the moment he first saw me. And I made it clear to him that I wasn’t interested. However, he refused to accept that.

“In the beginning I thought it was annoying, but harmless. But over time, became something that ruled my thoughts, made me fearful of being alone in a room with him, made me constantly on high alert in my own home.” I glance at Benedikt. He’s listening. I see no judgment on his face.

“Miron stalked me for years. He told me that when my brother was dead he would make me his wife, even if he had to break me down in order to do that. He was graphic when he told me the things he wanted to do to me. That, paired with his constant attempts to make moves on me—his hands always reaching for me, trying to get me alone, and me always making sure it never happened…”

A tear falls from my eye and rolls silently over my cheek. I brush it away with the back of my hand and let out a shaky breath.

“Nothing happened, but it wasn’t for his lack of trying. Nothing happened because I was constantly, anxiously on high alert and fighting to keep myself safe from him. I’ve been living in fear for years, Benedikt. Always looking over my shoulder no matter where I was or what I was doing.”

I can’t speak for a moment, lost in memories of how trapped I’ve felt for years.

Benedikt quietly clears his throat. “Nestor—what did he do?”

“Nestor had his own problems with Miron. I never told him about this. I knew if I told him he would tear Miron apart with his bare hands, and I couldn’t allow that. Not because of me. Nestor was already finding ways to destroy Miron, and I just had to be patient and wait it out.”

“Then Miron made an attempt to kill your family,” Benedikt says.

“He did, but he made it clear to me that I would be spared. He told me how my brother’s death would push him to power—and with Nestor out of the way he would force me to fulfill my duties to him.

I told him he would have to lock me in a dungeon and torture me before I ever agreed to be his wife, and he smiled.

He smiled and said he had the dungeon ready. ”

A low, dangerous growl rumbles through Benedikt and I look up at him to see his jaw set firmly, the muscles over his face feathering as he clenches. He reaches up and runs his hand over his jaw, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Why didn’t you tell Nestor after Miron made an escape?” he asks, forcing himself to stay focused on gathering information.

“Because when Miron said those things to me, I swore that I would be the one to take his life. I swore that I would be the one to tear him limb from limb and destroy him. He’s taken so much from me, and I deserve to have my revenge,” I answer with shaking words, my voice small and tight.

“My family will never be safe while he’s still alive. ”

Now I’ve told him everything.

He’s the only person on the planet who knows my truth.

My body is rigid as I sit on the chair waiting for him to yell at me, to tell me I was stupid or selfish.

I lied to him.

I kept this from him.

I even kept it from my brother.

Benedikt moves suddenly, standing up and pacing up and down the library. He growls and throws his hand in the air. I flinch and he spins to face me, his eyes fuming with rage.

“I’ll fucking kill him myself,” he snarls.

He’s not angry with me.

“ I will hunt that fucking rat down and chain him in a fucking basement and watch him starve to death, slowly and painfully.”

Benedikt is furious, but all of it is directed towards Miron.

“Ben—" I stand up, reaching my hand towards him. He seems blind with rage.

“I’ll find him tonight and skin him alive,” he shouts, veins popping out over his temple.

“Ben,” I say his name as gently as I can, trying to break the spell of his anger. He pulls his phone from his pocket, trying to call someone.

I rush over to him and put my hand over the screen. “Ben, what are you doing?”

“I’m calling Jadon, I want Miron—I want him now. His life is over.”

“No, just wait, look at me,” I say, lifting my hand to touch his cheek. My heart is racing, as though I’m confronting a wild animal. A bear, furious and dangerous.

Benedikt pulls his face away from my touch and shakes his head. “This can’t go on anymore, Ulyana. He doesn’t deserve to breathe another breath. He deserves to be screaming in agony.”

Benedikt is towering over me, not hearing me, hardly seeing me. I feel small and lost and like I have no power to stop him from doing something really stupid tonight.

He can’t go after Miron in this state.

Miron isn’t the most powerful man, but he’s sneaky and clever and he won’t hesitate to kill Benedikt. And Benedikt, in this state—he’s not going to be paying attention to the details.

Desperate, I climb into the sofa Benedikt is standing near. I stand on the seat and reach for him again. “Ben,” I say sternly, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards me.

He turns to look at me, and he’s confused to be face-to-face with me, instead of towering over me as usual.

His brows knit as he looks me up and down, seeing that I’m standing on the chair.

I don’t know if I look silly, or out of place, but the randomness of this act breaks the spell of his anger.

“What are you doing?” he asks, one side of his mouth curling into a smile.

I take his face in both hands and breathe a sigh of relief. “I’m trying to get your attention.”

“You always have my attention, Yana,” he sighs.

“Not for a moment there, I lost you.”

He takes a deep breath and nods. “Sorry. I’m angry. All this time you’ve been dealing with that alone—the way he was torturing you, terrorizing you—what kind of a monster does that?”

“You’re not angry at me?” I ask cautiously.

His eyes lock with mine and he wraps his arm around my waist, stepping closer to the chair he holds me against his chest.

“I finally understand you,” he whispers. “And all I want now is for you to feel safe. I want to be the one who gives that to you.”

“Well, running off to chase Miron tonight is not going to make me feel safe,” I say sternly. “If you want to give me safety, work with me to take Miron down.”

He chuckles. “I realize that now. As much as I want to go after him tonight—I need more of a plan.”

“Not you , Benedikt. Us. We need a plan,” I say, narrowing my eyes, seeing if he will agree to this.

He rolls his eyes. “Yes, we. We can work together. It’s far better than you putting yourself in danger thinking you can do this alone.”

I grin and lean my forehead against his. He strokes his hand over my hair, whispering against my lips, “I never want you to feel scared of him again. I’m going to protect you, Yana. You mean more to me than I’ve told you. I want to show you that.”

My heart races at his words. Is this all because of the pregnancy? Or is he referring to his feelings for me. Just me.

I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and tilt my head to the side as I press my lips against his.

He moans, a deep, low sound that rumbles through me, sending a thrill of excitement pulsing in my blood.

The kiss deepens as he takes control, pushing his tongue into my mouth, tasting me, claiming my lips as his own.

Benedikt’s hands roam down my back, cupping over my ass, tugging my hips against his, pressing me into his hard cock.

I let out a soft sigh of desire, lifting one leg and draping it around him.

He immediately lifts me into his arms, wrapping both of my legs around his hips.

He sits down on the sofa with me straddled on his lap.

In his arms, I feel safer than I’ve ever felt. After telling him my story, the things I’ve been struggling with for years—I realize that since I’ve been with Benedikt I’ve felt freer, safer, more myself than I’ve been in a very long time.

He gave that to me, with comfort, and a sense of belonging.

And he’s given me so much more.

I rock my hips against his cock, rubbing myself over him.

He threads his fingers through my hair and pulls my head back, tracing kisses over my exposed throat.

“You belong to me, little fox. I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” he whispers.