Page 33

Chapter

Twenty

TESSA

I stare at Arlon’s broad back and try to force my thoughts into submission, but they’re unruly today, painting pretty pictures for me.

Things that could happen if what he’s saying is true.

That embrace, the warm squeeze of his powerful arms, must have messed with my mind, because I can’t stop myself from wishing it was all possible.

For the last decade, I’ve been living with the consequences of my decisions.

I’m afraid that this time around, the consequences of trusting the wrong man will be much more severe if it all goes to shit.

When Hugo told me he loved me all those years ago, when he said that he was going to marry me, I chose to believe him despite the doubts I had.

He’d been handsome and charming, and he picked me out of all the ladies.

He promised me the moon, courted me with the most ardent affection, and seduced me.

And I let him. I opened my heart and my legs and accepted his words as truth.

When the fairytale came crashing down around me, what hurt the most wasn’t him leaving—it was the realization that I’d given up everything to be with him, and he’d sacrificed nothing.

His life didn’t change after he told me he was leaving, that the lease on our townhouse had run out, and that I should probably return to my parents, given that I didn’t have any money of my own.

In contrast, my whole world crumbled, and in the years that followed, I made damn sure that I would never be put in the same position again.

But Arlon hasn’t demanded anything from me. He’s the one who left his clansmen to pursue me, and he hasn’t taken anything, not even a kiss, for his trouble. He has protected me, fed me, and given me all the answers I asked for, and a hug on top of that.

It’s unfair, really, how quickly he’s managed to worm his way under my skin.

It has me wondering if there might be some truth to his claims about mates. It sounds ridiculous, but if there’s a chance he’s right…

I have no idea what that would mean for me.

For us. He’s a trained, apparently wealthy warrior from a kingdom up north, and I’m a thief surviving off stolen loot and my friend’s generous donations of day-old bread.

We’re a complete mismatch, and if the Fates truly chose us as partners for life, they must have been drunk when making that decision.

“I smell smoke,” Arlon announces in a low voice from up ahead. “We must be close to a village. Or maybe a farm. We can stop and ask for directions to the nearest inn.”

I inhale deeply through my nose, but it takes several more minutes for my human senses to recognize the first signs of people nearby.

“Have you ever traveled through here?” I ask, bringing Clover to walk alongside Pip. “I’ve never been this far east.”

He grimaces. “We might have passed by when we left the old clan, but I honestly don’t remember. I was fourteen at the time and more worried about my growling stomach than the maps.”

I try to imagine him as a lanky youth, tall but thin, without the heavy muscles that now grace his body.

“I remember how much boys that age can eat,” I quip. “My brothers used to get in trouble for stealing from the kitchens all the time.”

Arlon glances sideways at me. “You have brothers? How many?”

“Two.” I shove down the familiar pain. It’s duller now than it used to be, but missing my siblings still stings. “One older, one younger. And a sister, two years my senior.”

He watches me intently, and for once, I don’t mind it.

“When I left my family home…” I pause, trying to think of a way to explain my past decisions.

“I was young and very foolish, and my parents tried to warn me of what would happen. I didn’t listen, and as a result, I brought shame to my family.

It affected everyone, but most of all my sister, who almost lost a very advantageous marriage opportunity because of me. ”

Arlon frowns. “What did you do?”

My face burns with shame at the memories, but it’s best to get this out in the open.

“I fell in love with a man my parents didn’t approve of.

I thought he loved me, too, so we ran away together.

But he grew tired of me, and I was left with nothing.

When I returned home, I wasn’t welcome anymore.

” I rush through it, my voice flat. “It all happened such a long time ago.”

Beside me, Arlon keeps his gaze on the winding road, jaw clenched so tightly, a muscle ticks in his cheek. He says nothing.

My stomach sinks. Doubts I thought I’d buried rise again. Maybe he expected a virgin mate? One untouched by past mistakes.

I remember the last time I saw my parents.

My mother’s voice had been high and tight with panic.

Ruined, she called me. No decent man would ever want me again.

The best thing I could do for my family was to leave and never come back.

It was better for them to pretend I’d died.

At least then, my unacceptable behavior wouldn’t cast a shadow on my sister.

She had a bright future ahead of her as the wife to a rich merchant, a friend of our father’s.

In the years since, I learned that not everyone thought that way. Lindie had a hand in it, of course. She taught me that women get to experience pleasure, too. She never allowed a man to tie her down and was quite happy being single and occasionally entertaining a gentleman caller, as she put it.

I’ve had a few lovers since, but I was very careful to keep the fact to myself. They weren’t any more interested in having a public relationship than I was, which worked out for all the interested parties. I could keep my intimate life private, and no one judged me for it.

“I’ve spent years living in the human lands,” Arlon murmurs, “and some of your customs still surprise me.”

I cock my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

He motions at me. “You lost your family because you took a lover. That’s horrible. They should be ashamed of themselves.”

“What?” I gape at him.

“They banished their child for what is a normal experience,” he growls.

Is he…angry on my behalf? Lindie was angry, too, when I explained to her what I was doing in Ultrup in the first place.

I’d left Redport and tried my luck at surviving in some of the smaller towns surrounding my home city, but the danger of being recognized by an acquaintance was too great, and besides, I didn’t have any significant skills to make a living.

I’d been a daughter of an important house, after all, and spoiled as such.

Being on the streets on my own had been a rude awakening. When I arrived in Ultrup, the Matron offered me a place to sleep in the temple, and I stayed there for a while, until I learned enough to survive on my own.

My throat feels suddenly tight. I told Arlon my secret shame, and he’s showing no signs of leaving.

If my thieving wasn’t enough to send him running, I thought for sure this would be the thing to do it.

But he simply rides beside me and glowers into the distance, as if brooding over my parents’ decisions.

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Hey, maybe it was all for the best. If they hadn’t thrown me out, we might never have met. I’d be married and a mother to a brood of children by now if my parents had their say.”

Arlon turns his head toward me sharply. “Is that what you want, too?”

I want to deny it, but it wouldn’t be the whole truth.

“I thought I did. It was expected of me, and when I ran away with Hugo, it was with the expectation that we’d be having a family, yes.

But now…” I shake my head, discomfort curling in my belly.

“I just don’t know. I’ve been on my own for so long, I’ve let go of the idea for the most part. ”

He hums in understanding. “You don’t have to be on your own anymore.”

Before I can respond to that declaration or think too hard about what it means for my future, we enter the village. It’s a modest cluster of houses built from stone and wood, their roofs thatched with straw. I study the low buildings with interest. I’ve never seen anything like them.

In Redport, most homes had clay tile roofs, and Ultrup was the same, though I occasionally ran into shingled ones. Those were the worst—rough wooden surfaces that scraped my palms and left splinters lodged under my skin after too many scrambles over steep slopes.

But these? I eye the straw rooftops with a mix of curiosity and doubt. Would they hold my weight? Or would I crash right through? The spacing is strange as well. The houses are set too far apart for a clean jump from one to the next.

No, this village doesn’t appeal to me at all.

“You all right?”

Arlon’s voice brings me back to the present, and I find him watching me with a slight smile.

“I don’t think I’ll be climbing any roofs tonight,” I admit in a murmur.

My companion lets out a snort. “Best not. I don’t want to chase you, either. Especially as it’ll rain again tonight, I can tell.”

We pass a few villagers gathered on the street, but when we turn a corner and spot the village green, a small market appears, people milling around the stands, purchasing books, fabric, and new pots from the merchants.

“Oh, a fair!” I twist in my saddle to see the clothing merchant’s stall. “I might need a new cloak.”

“Aye, not a bad idea,” Arlon agrees. “You can buy it with the gold you stole from me.”

I swing around, squinting at him even as my heart pounds faster. “What gold?”

He rolls his eyes, no rancor in his expression. “It’s all right, Tessa. I know you took the coins.”

Oof. He either had his money counted down to the last coin or saw me taking the gold marks out of the pouches when I thought he was away, doing his business in the bushes.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I demand.

He shrugs. “You needed the money more than I did.”

And that’s enough for him to let me have it?

“I’ll never understand you,” I mutter, my cheeks flaming with heat.

A muscle twitches in his jaw. “I hope that with time, you will.”

It’s a simple enough wish. If he accepted all the flaws I’ve revealed to him, why can’t I at least try to understand him?

“I’m sorry.” I squeeze my hands on the reins, then force myself to let go. “I’ll return the money as soon as we’re inside. I don’t want to flaunt the gold out here.”

But he shakes his head. “No need. Money means security to you, aye? If you have it, you’ll feel better?”

I hate that he sees through me so easily, but there’s no denying his words.

“Yes,” I admit.

“Well, then, keep those coins.” His words hold a note of finality. “Come, we should find a room before all these people decide it’s time for bed.”

I follow him in silence, mulling over what he said.

A part of me wants to deny it—and run away.

He’s dangerous, this man who has witnessed me at my worst and still hasn’t left.

If I’m not careful, I’ll start believing what he’s saying, and then his inevitable departure will hurt all the more.

Even now, the thought of leaving, of turning Clover around and galloping away from him, leaves a nasty pit in the bottom of my stomach.

I tell myself it makes sense to stick with Arlon. He’s set on protecting me, has more money than I could spend in a year, and is good at surviving in the wild, which will surely come in handy.

But the truth is, I don’t want to leave. That’s another decision I’ll have to live with if this all turns to shit.

“Ho, there,” a male voice cries out. “Are you guests of the inn?”

It’s an older man, a groom by the looks of him, coming out of the stables on the right side of the only three-story building in the village.

Arlon dismounts in one graceful leap and leads Pip forward by the reins. “We’re hoping to be, aye. Got any room for our beasts in there?”

The groom steps closer and pats Pip’s neck with apparent admiration.

“Maybe. Depends on what Mistress Maeve says.” He nods toward the inn and adds, “Only guests can keep their horses here during the fair. Wouldn’t make sense to take in other folks’ horses and have to turn away our own guests.

You’d best hurry inside, we’re nearly full. ”

“I can stay here to watch the horses,” I tell Arlon from my perch in the saddle.

He has all that money stashed in his saddlebags, and we don’t know this groom, after all. But as Arlon hesitates, it hits me that he has little reason to trust me over the man. The groom hasn’t hit him in the head, stolen from him, or tried to run halfway across the kingdom to avoid him.

Once he leaves, I could ride away, leading Pip and the third horse, Cricket, with me, and Arlon would have no way of following me quickly. I doubt anyone in this village has a horse large enough to carry him, so he’d have to track me on foot.

My chest squeezes painfully at the thought of him not trusting me, but I deserve his suspicion.

“I won’t go anywhere,” I murmur, wishing the old groom wasn’t staring at us, listening to our conversation with avid interest. “I promise.”