Page 53 of The Night We Became Strangers

Alicia

S ometimes I didn’t recognize the person I’d become.

And it wasn’t just the obvious signs of aging I examined every morning in the mirror.

The stranger living inside this familiar body had no joy left.

She’d been stripped of the innocence she once had, the blind belief in others, the wonder and excitement of what every day could bring.

That Alicia—that stupid, lively girl—was gone forever.

In her place was a cynic, a woman riddled with guilt and uncertainty; someone who harbored hatred and bitterness in her heart, and whose only belief in herself lay in her power over everyone, in the empire she’d built, of the self-confident image she presented every day.

I’d learned to live with this stranger, even though I despised her.

The pain no longer hurt, though—I’d become numb to it—but I carried it with me like a cloak.

Sometimes I wished I could be the old Alicia again, but I didn’t know how.

This new woman had become a habit. To act or feel differently would be like fighting the current of a torrential river.

In the stillness of the night, I heard the door latch open downstairs followed by Matías’s footsteps.

He was finally home. God only knew where he’d been.

I got out of bed, careful not to wake Julio by my side, and grabbed my robe.

I never slept, so talking to my son would be a welcome distraction from my tormenting memories.

I met him in the living room, where he tumbled onto the tan sofa.

“Are you all right?” I said.

After last time, I knew better than to ask where he’d been. He reeked of alcohol, but didn’t seem drunk.

“No.”

“What’s the matter?”

He looked me squarely in the eye. “I’m in love with Valeria Anzures, but she’s getting married tomorrow to Félix Recalde.”

The news would’ve come as a surprise had I not seen the way he looked at her when she came to my office the other day, not to mention his mysterious absences.

I let out a sigh. “It’s best that she’s getting married.”

“I don’t understand you,” he said. “Her mother was your best friend! How could it be that because of one mistake—one stupid radio broadcast—you changed your mind about her and her husband forever and decided that you hated them?”

“It wasn’t the stupid broadcast!” I yelled.

He didn’t look surprised. In fact, it seemed to me like he knew this already.

As much as I’d wanted to save his dad’s reputation in Matías’s eyes, I couldn’t be quiet any longer.

“Your father was having an affair with Marisa.” It was the first time I’d uttered those words aloud since that infamous night.

“They betrayed me—two of the people I loved the most.” I hated the crack in my voice.

“But how can you be sure about that? Did they confess?”

“No, but they didn’t deny their feelings for each other.”

“That didn’t mean they acted on their feelings—not necessarily.”

I’d given this some thought, but knowing they loved each other was just as bad.

“I had proof,” I said, “lots of it.”

“Like what?”

“I found a headscarf I had given her in the back seat of his car—but I don’t want to go into all the details right now. Just trust me when I tell you it’s true.”

“Did you see them?”

“What do you mean?”

“Together.”

I was taken aback. “Of course not.”

“Then anything else is circumstantial. You can’t condemn anyone on that basis. Have you considered the possibility that you could’ve been wrong all these years? You’ve been nurturing a hatred for Valeria’s mom and her entire family without real proof.”

“She admitted that she loved him,” I said, almost to myself.

“So what?” Matías slapped the side of the couch. “Your ego cannot stand that she loved your husband? Hasn’t she paid for that sin already? Hasn’t he ?”

I’d never seen my son like this. The worst part was that he was making sense, and I—I felt like a child next to him.

“That’s not all of it,” I finally said. He had to know the real reason why a relationship between him and Valeria was impossible. “I think … I’m afraid I may have shot her that night.”

“What do you mean you think you shot her?”

Without realizing it, my face was covered in tears.

“I had my dad’s revolver. I pointed it at her.

Your dad and I struggled for the gun and a shot fired but there was so much confusion after that.

Someone broke a window and threw a lit torch inside.

There was a lot of smoke after that. All I could see was Marisa’s body on the ground, but I didn’t know if she was dead or alive. I couldn’t see her face.”

My heart was racing as if I were there again, I could almost smell the smoke and see the sprouting flames.

“Your dad dragged me out of the office before I could do anything, and there was so much smoke in the stairs. I couldn’t see anything.

I couldn’t stop coughing and that’s when I passed out, when you found me. ”

I looked at my son, begging that he would forgive me after this. “Don’t you understand?” I said, sobbing openly. “I may have killed her, or at the very least wounded her. If it weren’t for me, your father and Marisa could have escaped the fire.”