Page 159 of The Night Firm

I Am the Night

Chapter 1: The Tree

The cagedbird sings

with a fearful trill

of things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom.

~Maya Angelou, Caged Bird

A vast canvasof emerald green stretches before us, dotted with colorful wildflowers, towering trees, moss covered boulders, bushes and plants and all manner of nature. The day is warm, and a cool breeze teases my skin. Sebastian rests his hands on my shoulders and uses his strong fingers to rub the knots of tension out of my muscles. I lean into him, closing my eyes, enjoying the feel of him at my back as he massages me. The scent of wildflowers carries on the wind, and I breathe it all in and smile.

"You've been at this for hours," he says, his lips brushing my earlobe as he speaks. "Ready for a break?"

I open my eyes and look around, then sigh. "There's still too much to do," I say. "The people need food. What good is this new expanse of Otherworld Ava'Kara gave her life to create if it's not livable?"

In the wake of what happened nearly a month ago, I thought things would be easier for the magical folk who claimed this new land as their home. It didn't take long to realize the world expansion created new problems. There were no homes, no farms, no food sources. It was an untamed wilderness that was raw and uninhabitable by anyone but woodland creatures and dryads.

And few of us had the kind of magic needed to make this part of the world more hospitable. Which meant for the past several weeks, the Night brothers, Lily, and myself have been working tirelessly to cultivate this new land for those displaced.

For many long days after that night, I feared my magic would never return. I was more exhausted than I'd ever been in my life. Even the revelation that I was one of the Fates returned couldn't penetrate the fog that surrounded me. I spent most of that time unconscious.

Callia, the unicorn I inadvertently pulled into this world, disappeared shortly after telling me I was one of the Fates reincarnated. For a time I was convinced I hallucinated her.

The brothers nursed me back to health with Liam and Matilda's disgusting potions, Sebastian's back rubs, Derek's wry jokes to make me laugh, and Elijah's gentle voice reading to me when I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to read for myself. I snuggled Liam's baby, cuddled in front of the fire on long nights, listened to Liam playing his violin, and I soaked in the love and affection offered to me. I tried hard not to think about Cole, but his ghost haunted me. It's now impossible to feel like we are a complete family without him.

I glance down at my ring, his ring, and twist it on my finger, a melancholy settling over me. Sebastian notices and pulls me tighter into an embrace, his arms circling my waist as I lay my head against his chest and settle my hands over his heart.

He kisses the top of my head and sighs. "I think about him too."

"He belongs with us," I say sadly.

Sebastian doesn't respond. I know it's complicated for him. For all of the Night brothers. They feel guilt and anger in equal measure. I have no guilt, but somehow my anger is dimmed. Despite the fact that Cole betrayed me in such a heinous way, taking the form of my twin brother, convincing me Adam was not only still alive but had committed monstrous acts of violence against the innocent,I can’t help but think of all that he went through that led him up to that moment, and then I forgive him.Cole is a man tortured by his past, both by acts done to him as well as those he himself committed out of anger and vengeance. Did his brothers deserve his wrath? Perhaps. But justice without mercy becomes tainted by its own misguided righteousness. We need the tempering influence of compassion and forgiveness, otherwise we risk perpetuating a self-destructive cycle that can only end badly for everyone.

I could stay angry at him forever. He would deserve it, if that's how we were meant to measure justice. But if I consider what he's been through, where he came from, what his life cost him…it's harder to stay angry. Perspective shapes our perception of life. And his story gives me a different perspective of his actions. They have to be seen together. His choices don't exist in a vacuum. We are, all of us, stories told and retold with layers that cannot be ignored if we want the truth of a thing. So who can possibly measure the weight of a person's soul? Who among us can ever truly know what another deserves?

I choose to believe we all deserve forgiveness. Mercy. Love. Compassion. Perspective.

I can offer that to Cole at least.

I can't yet offer it to Jerry, but someday maybe I'll be able to see the brokenness in him and forgive him for what he did to me as well as to Mary and her child.

Near us, something explodes, sending dirt and rock flying through the air. Sebastian attempts to shield me with his body, but I use my power to subdue the debris, letting it fall harmlessly back to the ground with ease.

He shakes his head, grinning, his forest green eyes sparkling. His wild, dark hair is dusted with specks of dirt, and his simple shirt clings to his broad chest and shoulders, muscles rippling under the stretched fabric. He's like a sculpture carved from the very earth. He's definitely in his element here. "I'm still not used to how powerful you've become since the spell you performed."

"Neither am I," I say. "But it feels good. I can tell there's still so much untapped in me that I want to explore."