Page 84 of The New Year's Party

By what I’m gonna choose

With this body of mine so breakable

And this heart of mine unshakable

Grandpa Max would be turning in his grave right about now. Jenn too.Let them turn, she thought.Let themfuckingturn.

Gonna make them turn in their graves,

Those old men and their mean old ways,

’Cause a woman might be a sight for sure

But in the end, a woman’s body is just for her

It was New Year’s Day, and Bunny was finally in the driver’s seat of her own damn car. She was going places, and for the first time in a long time, she couldn’t wait to get wherever that was.

Chapter 36

Hellie

I creep into the house like the ghost I am.

This life is no longer mine, and I can feel that I don’t belong in it anymore as I tiptoe down to the basement.

I know Doug’s mom is on duty tonight, but I imagine that at three thirty in the morning, she’s fast asleep. Still, I keep quiet just in case. I’m not interested in any more goodbyes.

In the dim glow of the night-lights, I pack my things. Clothes, makeup, some books, my old CD collection. It all fits into one duffel bag and two boxes. I don’t want any of Doug’s stuff, even the things I could get money for like his gaming system and his guitar. It’s his, and if it’s going to go to waste here in the basement because he gets locked away, that no longer has anything to do with me.

I make a stop in the kitchen to scrawl a quick note to Doug’s mom.

Dear Tammy,

I want you to know that I loved your son, but I can’t do this anymore.

I’m sorry for everything.

Love,

Helen Halloran

I sign my maiden name and it feels right.

For so long, I told myself I was loyal. That’s what made me different from my mom. That’s what would give my life worth. What gavemeworth.

It turns out my loyalty met its limit. I’m not sure what that says about me. And I’m not sure I need to find out.

It’s onward now. Out to the car that thank God is in my name since Doug’s credit was so bad. I slide my two boxes into the hatchback trunk and thunk my duffel bag into the back seat. Then I climb in and drive away. I don’t know where I’m going, so at a stoplight I pull up my GPS and typeMontana. Big Sky Country, they call it, and right now, a big sky sounds nice. I should have just enough money in my checking account to pay for the gas, and I’ll figure it out from there.

Soon, I’m merging onto I-94 heading west. It’s quarter after four and apparently I have twenty-one hours to go. It’ll be nice to see the sun rise. My phone rings—Will. I put him on speakerphone.

“Hi,” I say, and then I yawn. I’ll need coffee soon.

“Hi,” he says.

“You driving?”

“Yep. Are you home?”