Page 14

14

Traeger

I t’s for the best. I know it is. She’s young and deserves to go and have all those life experiences. Be free to live and go out with her friends, chase her career dreams. She doesn’t need to be locked up in a cabin with me. But the thought of letting her go is nearly suffocating. And the closer we get to her campus, the harder it is to breathe.

She hasn’t said a word since we got in the car. And don’t think I missed the pained look in her eyes or the tear that slipped free. It nearly fucking broke me, but I know I’m doing what’s right for her. As soon as she’s back in her routine, she’ll realize it was just a spring break fling. Some seriously hot fucking fun with an older man. Something she can check off her bucket list.

She’ll find herself surrounded by all those guys her age and realize that what she felt for me was nothing more than lust. Me, on the other hand, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. It wasn’t just lust for me. It was fucking everything. I fell in love with the girl. Everything about her made me feel lighter, happier. For the first time since I can recall or maybe ever, I wasn’t mentally harping on the past, or reeling in my bitterness towards the broken system. I was waking up with a smile on my face and a purpose to my day: to take care of my angel.

Now, what the fuck am I supposed to do? How do I go back to the silence? How do I go back to the empty house and an empty bed? She made it feel like home. She brought this calming energy with her, and I’ve never slept so well. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to the darkness, the loneliness, the monotony. But I fucking have to. It would be selfish of me to keep her, but damn if I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Wavered on my stance a few times. Nearly turned the car around about a dozen. But it’s wrong to steal her future away from her.

“This is it.” Her sad little voice nearly rips my heart in two as she points to her apartment building. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt this girl. I probably shouldn’t have let things get so far between us, but it’s really fucking hard to regret the best moments of my life. I’m just glad I didn’t make love to her, because I don’t think I’d be able to let her go if I had.

Before I even get the truck shut off, she’s climbing out.

“Here, let me get that for you, doll.” I jump down and rush around to grab her pack, but she doesn’t hand it to me.

“I’ve got it.”

She won’t even look at me.

“Please, babe. Just give me this one last moment.”

Her eyes look up and the tears pooling in them nearly slice me open. “You can have as many moments as you want. It doesn’t have to be goodbye, Traeger.”

“Yeah, it does.” I grab her pack. “You’ve got a life to go live. You don’t need to be wrapped up with some old, retired guy who thinks watching the sun set is a fun way to spend a Friday night.”

“I love those sunsets. Being with you is fun no matter what we’re doing.”

“Come on, angel. Let’s get you inside.” Before I take you back up the mountain with me. “Don’t worry,” I tell her as she opens her door. “In a few weeks you’ll forget all about me.”

“I doubt I’ll forget the one and only man I’ve ever been in love with.” The air gets sucked right out of my lungs. She takes the pack from me and puts it on her table. “Thanks for taking care of me and bringing me back. Be safe up there.”

Fuck. How the hell am I supposed to walk out that door? By putting one foot in front of the other. You’re doing the right thing, even if it hurts like hell.

“Bye, doll. You take that ankle of yours to a doctor and have it looked at. We want to make sure it’s set right.”

She’s no longer able to look me in the eyes. I pull her in for one last hug, feeling like my soul is being ripped from my body. If she were thirty-plus years old, having lived her life, a woman ready to settle down and start a family, I would’ve asked her to marry me. But she’s only just emerged from her cocoon and needs to go fly.

“Take care, baby.” I release her shuddering frame and storm from her apartment, shutting the door before I say the words I shouldn’t. I love you isn’t what she needs to hear to get over me. She needs a clean break and a chance to heal. And I…need go figure out how to breathe again. But as I wind back up the mountain, getting farther away from my girl, it just gets harder. The air gets thicker, and the loneliness closes in.