Page 91 of The Moments You Were Mine

Parker tenderly tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Leaving Dog is a huge step for him. You need to let him do it.”

“I don’t want either of you to be nice to me. I can’t handle it right now.”

He huffed out a dark laugh. “So, what? You want someone who will kick you when you’re already down? Is that what JJ did?”

He said JJ’s name like it was poison on his tongue.

I didn’t respond. Couldn’t. JJ had never literally kicked me, but he’d also rarely offered a helping hand either. I’d thought I was the center of his world, that for once I’d had someone’s complete focus, but looking back, I could see all the times he’d been more concerned about himself than me. I could see all the times he’d let me down. Like after Mom’s accident, when I’d asked him to get my assignments from my professors, and he hadn’t. Or forgetting something I’d asked him to pick up at the store, so I had to run out and get it myself. Or accidentally leaving my surfboard behind, so I was left on the sand instead of on the waves with him. And every time, he’d had an excuse. A charming way of soothing my ruffled feathers.

I’d been so busy berating myself for letting things linger between us, for not loving him enough, for not seeing who he really was, that I’d missed the reality. What had happened between us wasn’tonlymy fault. JJ had done his best to make sure I saw the suave golden retriever instead of the conniving German shepherd. He’d hidden his true self just as much as I had.

Why had I let myself shoulder so much guilt for what had happened between us?

I was done with that guilt. We’d both screwed up, but I hadn’t tried to ruin his life the way he’d tried to ruin mine. That was all on him.

Parker’s face turned dark the longer I went without responding.

“It’s about damn time someone put you first, Fallon. I’ll gladly and happily step up to the plate.”

It hurt so incredibly bad to hear him say it. To want it. But to know I couldn’t have it. So instead of accepting it, instead of leaning in to what I heard him offering, I tossed it back with a cruel taunt.

“But as soon as you deploy, you’ll be gone. It’s an easy offer to make when you know it has an expiration date.”

His face shuttered. “You’re right. I haven’t figured it all out yet. Not with you. Not with Theo. But I will.”

He took a step back, and I immediately felt contrite. Exhaustion and heartache were making me bitchy and had me taking things out on the one person who’d never deserved it. Parker had always had my back. Even when he’d rejected me, it was because he thought he was doing what was best for me.

“Parker…” His name was full of apology and sorrow.

How many times had I opened my heart and body to him and felt the sting of his rejection? I didn’t want to do the same to him, but I also couldn’t handle accepting it. Not only because of the baby I was growing inside me that wasn’t his but because what I’d said held the truth. He’d only be here temporarily, and having him in all the ways I’d always wanted only to let him go again might just end me.

He looked back at me from the doorway. “Get some rest, Ducky. Let that brain of yours have a break. We’ll talk more later.”

I listened as he and Theo chatted in hushed voices until the front door clicked shut behind them. I closed my eyes but didn’t think I’d sleep. My brain whirled, replaying the entire enormity of the day’s events on repeat. The shots. The kisses. Wylee’s accusations. My staff’s frustration. The knowledge that one of them had definitely had a hand in the attacks. But eventually, my weary body took control, and I fell into a deep sleep—dark and dreamless.

? ? ?

“Wake up!” An impatient female voice dragged me from the darkness.

My lids were heavy, and it was hard to force them open. When I did, I saw pale-green eyes the color of sage glaring at me from beneath a soft-brown fringe.

“Maisey?” I croaked.

My best friend shoved a water glass at me and ordered, “Drink.”

I sat up, and the room didn’t spin quite as severely as it had earlier in the day. “What time is it?”

“A little after seven,” she huffed. “I would have been here sooner if you’d thought to give me a call. Do you know how stupid I felt showing up for my shift at the hospital, only to find out my best friend had been used for target practice?” She didn’t let me respond before demanding, “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit in the head with a hoof. And your yelling isn’t helping.”

She pulled a bottle out of the pocket of her scrubs and shook out two pills. “Take these.”

When we’d been little kids, Maisey hadn’t set her mind on a single career like I had. It wasn’t until her mom ended up with cancer, and Maisey spent months as a teenager helping care for her that everything changed. After her mom died, Maisey had been single-minded in her determination to become a nurse.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed pain pills,” I said.

“Acetaminophen is fine in the first twenty-four hours, but don’t expect it to do miracles. It’ll only take the edge off.”