Page 43 of The Missing Pages

IT PAINED ME TO HEAR VIOLET REACH OUT, BUT NOT BE able to respond to her directly. How could she know that ghosts have only limited powers? That there are restrictions placed upon us that begin from the moment we enter the spiritual realm.

It’s a learning curve we have to navigate through trial and error. The newly dead aren’t given any sort of manual, teaching us what we can and cannot do.

In the early weeks after my death, I learned quickly that my abilities were not infinite.

Being a ghost feels like living outside a snow globe.

I am like a curious child who can observe a beautiful world through glass but is unable to reach out and completely touch it.

There will always be a barrier between me and my loved ones.

Every now and then I can give that world a little shake, like when I soothe the grieving with the help of Mother Nature the way I managed to coax the birds for my mother or rustle the autumn leaves for Violet.

But the good news is that each ghost is given one place where they do have extended freedom.

It can take weeks for some ghosts to navigate where they have the most power to communicate.

For some it takes months. For others, it can take years.

But regardless how long it takes to discover their energy source, it must always be a place where their soul can be nourished and it must always be specific to them.

In my case, that was being close to my books.

The tomb my mother had built for me. My library at Harvard.

When Violet asked me those questions while she was in her dorm room, I heard her, but I could not spell out my answer. I had to wait for her to return to Widener. So I did what any book lover must do: allow the story to unfold.