Page 9

P hillip looked all around the room, aware of the knots twisting through his stomach one by one.

The last ball he had attended had been at Almacks, the night when he had first had to deal with Lord Hemmingway and, thereafter, Lady Billington.

That had brought him a good deal of shame, mortified that he had spoken without hesitation, without being able to set a guard at his lips and had gained such a profound reaction from Lady Billington herself.

He had already heard from a few of his friends that he was now being spoken of by some as a dark-tempered, ill-mannered fellow who could do nothing but rail at anyone who said a word to him that he did not much like, though there was not much that he could do about that.

“You thought it a good idea to come to another ball, did you?”

Phillip rolled his eyes obviously and turned his head away, having no interest in speaking either to Lord Hemmingway or to Lord Pentland, both of whom seemed to have an interest in irritating him with their insults.

“I am surprised,” Lord Pentland said, as Phillip kept his gaze away from them though inwardly, his temper began to flare.

“I would have thought after that embarrassing conversation with Lady Billington, you would have refrained from attending society occasions. Or is it that you hope to shame yourself still further by berating someone else?”

Phillip set his jaw tight, his fingers curling into his palms. Stay silent. They are not worth speaking with.

“I knew you were exactly like your father,” Lord Pentland stated, as Phillip gritted his teeth, almost knocked out of his silence by the wave of anger that poured over him. “Easily angered, foolish in your remarks and, no doubt, just as heedless to the effect your actions have upon others.”

Lord Hemmingway snorted. “Exactly so, my friend. Thankfully, we at least have the warning now to stay far from you, Lord Waverley, given that you are of the same ilk as your father. I am sure that the few in society foolish enough to consider stepping into your company will learn soon enough that you are no good!”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Phillip let out a long, slow but surreptitious breath. The gentlemen’s insults were hard to hear and it was galling for him to remain silent but he fought the urge to speak. Doing so would only encourage them, he was sure.

“You have none of your friends here this evening, I see,” Lord Pentland remarked, sneering. “You are standing alone and without company. Little wonder, for I am sure that – ”

“In that, you are quite mistaken, I assure you,” Phillip answered, even though he berated himself for speaking when he ought to have remained silent.

“I have many of my friends here this evening and have every intention of dancing a good few dances. I am only just arrived which is why you see me standing where I am.” He looked back at the two gentlemen, seeing them sharing a glance and finding the urge to defend himself growing ever stronger.

“Are you come to speak with me in the hope of joining me for my next occasion? Is that what is behind such remarks? I know that you were not invited to my very successful dinner some days ago but I am surprised to know you would find that something of an insult given how little you seem to think of me!”

This did not seem to sit well with both gentlemen for they, together, narrowed their eyes and set their jaws tight. Feeling a good deal more confident, however, Phillip lifted his chin and shrugged.

“I do not think there is anything further to say to either of you. Kindly stay out of my company this evening, will you? I have no need for tiresome fellows such as yourselves.” With that, he strode away, leaving the two gentlemen glaring after him.

A sense of pride filled him, not only that he had managed to restrain himself but also that what he had said had been enough to push the gentlemen back!

Lifting his chin, he made his way through the crowd, hoping to spot a familiar – and friendly – face.

“Lord Waverley?”

Turning, Phillip’s heart dropped. “Lady Billington.”

“Goodness, did you truly think that you could walk past me without even thinking to apologize?” Her voice grew shrill as she spoke, her eyes flaring wide.

“After our last conversation, I expected to have an apology from you! I expected you to call or to write a note but instead, you have said and done nothing!”

Perhaps I ought not to have come here at all. First, he had been forced to endure Lord Hemmingway and Lord Pentland’s presence and now, he was faced with the one lady he had been hoping not to meet.

“What is it you wish for me to apologize for?” he asked, wincing inwardly as she gasped, one hand going to her heart as not one but three other ladies came quickly to join her, perhaps overhearing the conversation or seeing her furious gesticulations. “I shall do so at once.”

“You… you mean you do not know ?” Lady Billington blinked furiously as if tears were coming into her eyes. “After what you said to me at Almacks, you have no regret over your actions?”

Phillip did not know what to say or what to do.

He had come to the ball in the hope of finding a few friends, enjoying some good conversation, and perhaps dancing one or two dances.

Yes, there were still many who did not want to have him in their company but after Lord Fairchild’s dinner and then his own, he had felt confident enough to step into society again by attending this ball.

Mayhap he had been wrong.

“You are, as I have said, just like your father!” Lady Billington lifted her chin a notch, her eyes flashing as her friends began to nod and murmur, coming closer to her in clear solidarity.

“He did not once apologize for what he had done. He was gleeful about it! And now, here you are without a single word of regret upon your lips.”

Sighing inwardly, Phillip inclined his head.

“I am afraid, Lady Billington, that I cannot apologize on my father’s behalf, given that he is no longer here.

However, I can assure you that I shall never behave as my father did.

I shall not steal from anyone, I shall not cheat anyone, I shall not mistreat a single soul. ”

She shook her head. “I cannot believe that.”

Biting back the words which flung themselves to his lips, words of defense against her insult, Phillip lifted his head. “I am sorry for that. Do excuse me.”

The moment he stepped away, the exclamations from the ladies chased after him.

He had not done anything well during that conversation and they were all making that very clear to him even as he stepped away.

Groaning, Phillip rubbed one hand over his face and then began to make his way to the side of the ballroom, suddenly needing to make his way to the quieter part of the room.

He had come to the ball full of hope and expectation, but thus far, it had proven to be nothing short of disastrous.

“Waverley.”

He turned again, relief flooding him. “Rosalyn. How glad I am to see you.” He took her in, his heart quickening.

Her golden curls were coiled neatly at the back of her head, a few wisps escaping at her temples.

The pendant at her neck matched the blue in her eyes, making them all the more vivid and Phillip’s desire quickly began to grow, though he pushed it down as quickly as he could. “You look very lovely this evening.”

“I thank you.” She did not smile, making Phillip frown. “Might I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

She caught her bottom lip with her teeth, her gaze sliding away. “Do you think of me as I think of you?”

“Think of you?” Phillip blinked, not at all clear as to what the lady was saying. “Do you mean that I think well of you? Of course I do, you must know that!”

“That is not what I mean.” Lady Rosalyn glanced back at him, a light pink in her cheeks. “I was speaking to your mother at the dinner, and something she said has lingered long in my thoughts.”

Phillip frowned, his stomach beginning to writhe already. What was it his mother had said? Surely it would not have been anything to upset Lady Rosalyn?

“I mentioned that we are akin to family, even though we are not,” she said, by way of explanation. “I do not know why you would not think of me as family, but I must wonder if there is something about me that you do not like? Something about my character that displeases you?”

Thrown by her statement, Phillip opened his mouth and then closed it again, trying to make sense of not only what she had said but also what he ought to say in response.

He could not say yes, he did see her as a sister, for that would be denying his heart but at the very same time, he certainly did not feel himself worthy of her!

He had no intention of telling her that his feelings were a little more…

affectionate than they would be towards a sibling, however, so did it truly matter if he did not tell her the truth? ”

“You do not see me as I see you, then,” she said slowly, perhaps ascertaining from his silence what he truly felt. “I thought that we were so closely acquainted that you would see me in the same light. I confess to being a little surprised at that.”

“It does not mean anything,” Phillip answered quickly, trying to confirm with her that while he did not see her as he might a sibling, he still cared about her a great deal.

“My mother was simply stating, I am sure, that we value your friendship because it is so freely given and your devotion so strong. It is not demanded from us, as it might be if we were family. So I suppose, in that way, I do not see you as a sister. My mother was right to say so.”

Lady Rosalyn blinked, her eyes glistening gently and Phillip’s heart dropped. Clearly, he had said something to upset the lady though at this juncture, he was not sure what it was.

“I – I do not mean to upset you.”

“But you have done.” Lady Rosalyn shook her head, dashing one hand over her eyes. “It is foolish, I know, but I thought… well, I thought that the passion I have in my heart for you would be returned.”

Oh, but it is. It was on the tip of Phillip’s tongue to say those words, wishing that he could express the truth of his heart but seeing just how foolish that would be to do so.

Had she not only just told him that she saw him in the same light as her brother?

That meant, did it not, that there was no gentle affection, as he had for her!

“I think I must step away.” The smile she gave him was lifeless and dulled. “Excuse me, Waverley.”

“Wait, Rosalyn!” Reaching out, he caught her hand and instantly, fire enveloped him at the touch of her hand to his, his heart leaping furiously. The very next moment, however, the fire was doused completely as, with only a look, she pulled her hand away and walked back into the crowd.

Phillip let out a low groan and passed one hand over his eyes, his heart plummeting back down again.

This evening had been disastrous, for in only half an hour, he had argued with Lord Hemmingway and Lord Pentland, had then faced Lady Billington and her wrath and now, worst of all, had managed to upset Lady Rosalyn in some way, though quite how he had done so, Phillip was not certain.

His eyes squeezed closed, his frame now tight with tension as he silently debated whether or not he ought to return home.

Perhaps this evening was to be nothing but a failure and it would be best to make his way from the ball before things worsened.

I shall have to ask my mother what precisely she said to Lady Rosalyn, he thought to himself, snapping his fingers at the nearby footman and taking a drink from the tray he held. I do not understand why she thought to make such a remark!

“Waverley! Are you going to stand at the back of the room all night?”

A gentleman whom Phillip recognized as Lord Coates, one who had been at his dinner, strode towards him with a broad smile on his lips.

“Lord Coates, good evening.” He inclined his head. “I am thinking about taking my leave from this place and – ”

“Take your leave?” Lord Coates’ smile shattered, his eyes widening. “Goodness, whyever would you do such a thing? Have you not only just arrived? You have not signed a single dance card either, I am sure!”

“I am not sure I shall,” Phillip muttered, a sense of helplessness and despondency rushing over him. “Thank you for coming to speak with me, Coates, but I think it best – ”

“Come now, man!” Lord Coates, seemingly unwilling to let Phillip escape, slapped him on the back. “Did you know card games are being played at present? Our host has set up a room away from the ballroom, and I fully intend to go and play for a short while. Come with me!”

Phillip hesitated, aware that his father had not only played many a game of cards but had also lost a good many of them, cheating some of the gentlemen he played with and, for others, refusing to pay what he owed. “I am not sure if – ”

“Do you see him there? He refused to apologize to me, and that after nearly everyone in Almacks heard him roar at me in that furious, ungentlemanly manner!”

Hearing Lady Billington’s voice and glancing to his left to see her pointing directly at him, Phillip scowled and turned his attention again to Lord Coates.

“You have convinced me,” he said firmly, determined now to make his way from the ballroom and all the guests within it just as quickly as he could.

“Lead the way, my friend, and I will follow.”

Lord Coates grinned and began to make his way through the crowd, with Phillip following after him.

With every step, he felt tension coil all the more tightly within him, given what he was about to do.

This was, he knew, a way to walk directly in his father’s footsteps, which was precisely what he had intended not to do for so long – but given the disastrous evening, what else could he do?

It was either this or he returned home in embarrassment and shame, and he certainly did not want that.

I will be careful, he told himself, firmly. And even in this, I will be able to prove to the ton that I am nothing like my father. They will soon see that I behave better than he in everything.