Page 40 of The Lost Kings

I wanted to press pause and study their every move.

Draw an image of how they looked in this moment and freeze it forever.

It seemed freedom from the mansion and the chains of our upbringing suited them well.

We were in Juan and Taylor’s secondary home, closer to Pinehurst. It was smaller than the manor, but the pool in back was massive.

Alex and Carter were here too, somewhere, and off along the edges of the property were Juan’s men, patrolling and watching. This was merely an illusion of freedom; our parents’ enemies would always be watching no matter what we did.

With no parents here, and no one watching closely, it allowed me to float aimlessly around the party and not think about how I was going to explain what I’d decided to confess to the twins.

I had rehearsed what I’d say, and even now as I felt my skirt twirl around my ankles as I walked around the home, I mouthed each word to myself.

Carter caught my eye from across the room and lifted her Solo cup as a way of saying hello.

I lifted mine in reply but kept walking.

I wound around couches with couples kissing, people jumping into the pool and clouds of smoke.

There was a game of beer pong I skirted just in time to avoid being hit, then I found my way to the stairs.

I was getting tired, and I felt weird wearing heels, so my plan was to find a bedroom and take them off while I waited. The second I found a room at the end of the hall, I felt two pairs of hands at my back, pushing me inside.

“Elvis, you look fucking gorgeous,” Gio rasped, before placing a kiss to my neck.

Kingston shut the door and tugged my wrist, forcing me to face him. “You do look stunning, mi reina , but take those shoes off, you must be miserable.”

I was miserable, but only because of how hard my heart rapped against my breast and how unfair it was that it had chosen the two of them to fall in love with. Still, I bent down and slipped off my shoes and allowed my bare toes to press against the soft carpet.

“Happy Birthday!” I flung my arms around Kingston’s neck and relished how he picked me up and carried me to the bed.

Gio was unbuttoning his suit jacket as he jumped on the bed, forcing both me and King to dip toward him. Then I was sandwiched between them while they both took a hand and kissed it.

“How’s your birthday going?” I asked, staring up at the ceiling with a lazy smile.

They both made a humming sound before Gio replied, “Better now.”

“Much better now,” King added before tugging a piece of my hair up and looping it around his finger.

I needed to say it before I chickened out; I had to ask them. I needed to ask them more than I needed my next breath, but fear had me biting my lip.

“What is this, what are you hiding?” Gio asked, gently tugging my lip free before bending over to kiss it.

I let out a shuddery breath. “I need to ask you guys something.”

Gio’s gaze was loaded and full of concern. Kingston’s was pure fire as he stared down at me. The bass from their party seemed to be a heartbeat between the walls, reminding me I was keeping them from their friends, but selfishly not caring at all.

Moving up to my elbows and then sitting up, I tugged each of their hands into my lap before gaining the courage needed. “How do you feel about me?”

Gio was the first to dip his brows in question. “What do you mean?”

“You’re our best friend,” Kingston started, but I didn’t miss how Gio snapped his gaze up to him as if he was worried he’d say something else or too much.

“Just your best friend, or is there anything more?”

Kingston scoffed in frustration. “Of course there’s more, Pres. We’ve been kissing you, nearly fucking you for months now, how could you ask that?”

I felt like I needed to stand so I could gather my thoughts more clearly, but I worried that if I moved, they’d pull me back and I’d start doing exactly what he’d described. Pushing my eyes closed, I moved off the bed and began pacing, and thankfully neither of them stopped me.

“You’re eighteen now and I know you likely have things planned. Carter left when she turned eighteen, and I don’t expect you guys to wait around for me to become old enough to?—”

“Fuck?” Gio asked, ticking his brow up.

My face flushed. “Yeah…”

Kingston lifted his shoulder nonchalantly. “We want to go see Mexico for a bit, but we were going to see if you could come.”

I desperately wanted to go with them. I loved Mexico, but I had to wait to make sure this wouldn’t just be another memory added to the shattered pieces of my heart that I’d allowed it to endure.

“But, we know Scotty will likely say no,” Gio added.

That brought me back down to earth. Right…Scotty.

“I overheard your parents talking…” I started and tried to gauge their reactions, but both were blank slates. “They were talking about me …I guess they saw us together a few times and they plan to tell my parents.”

Gio flung himself back onto the bed and groaned. “Shiiiiittttttt.”

My heart flipped around in fear. “What’s wrong?”

Kingston murmured something before dragging his hands through his hair. “You don’t understand…if our parents think there’s a chance we’ll jeopardize this family or you in some way, then they’ll send us away.”

“You just said you planned on going away,” I pointed out, trying to clarify what exactly was wrong.

“Have your parents talked to you yet?” Gio asked.

I shook my head. “I came straight here after getting dressed at Carter’s. I didn’t see them.”

King still had his hands in his hair, tugging on the ends. “What exactly did they say they saw?”

They were panicked. It was stamped clear as day across their features, and now they resembled animals caught in a trap, desperate to be free of it. And I’d asked them what I meant to them, and they’d said, “Best friend.”

I had my answer; I just didn’t like it.

Swallowing thickly, I stared at them, feeling my heart thump recklessly behind a bone-weary cage. I was stronger than this. I could withstand more than this. Which was why I decided to expose my heart before them and see what they did.

“I love you.”

Both their eyes rapidly bounced up, landing on me in a way that I hadn’t ever felt before.

My words felt rushed. “Both of you. I’m in love with you and I’m not sure what will happen to us, but I needed you to know where I was?—”

“Scotty won’t allow you to love us, Pres,” Kingston cut me off.

My mouth remained open with the words I had planned on saying, but I shut it and stepped back.

Gio spoke next, further shocking me into silence. “We understood that from the start, Pres. What we’re doing…it’s fun, but it’s not forever. You’ll get older, and you’ll have to do exactly as he says, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“That’s—” My lips suddenly felt so dry they could crack. “That’s not true. I have a say…I can do what I want, with who?—”

Kingston laughed, shaking his head. “No, you can’t. The permanent scars on your knuckles tell a different story. You’re chained to the future they planned. We’ll always be your friends, Pres. Always, but we knew what this was from the start.”

Hot, white anger seemed to burn from my fingers up to my eyes, making them water. How dare they just assume without speaking to me…without allowing me the chance to even say what I wanted in my future.

“So that’s what you think of me, that I’ll just do whatever he says?”

“It’s what you’ve done your entire life.

They’ll find out about the fact that you’ve been double-dipping with the twins down the hall, and they’ll freak out, probably send you away.

Next thing we know, you’ll be married off to some mafia don in an alliance.

” King flicked his hand as if I were a mere piece of dirt caught under his nail.

As if this whole thing were so simple and easy.

Cut. Dry.

Already decided.

My teeth clashed together as I stepped back. “Why go through all of this then, why help me go to school and give me my first kiss? Why bother with giving in?—”

Give into what? An urge. Shit…that’s all they’d done, wasn’t it?

Gio stood and placed his hands on my shoulders, gently, as if I’d break if he pressed too hard.

“The truth is, you can’t have a first kiss unless it’s us.

No first date, no first anything unless it’s us or someone protected well enough to defend themselves against Scotty.

He made sure we’d protect you…he made it a requirement for you to even attend school, didn’t he? ”

He had. He’d said they would have to go and get their parents’ approval.

The memory of the knife in that boy’s hand at the ball came rushing back…

“You stabbed that boy at the ball because Scotty told you to, didn’t you?”

Kingston dipped his chin. “He never told me to stab anyone, but he did tell us if we were bothered by your lack of protection detail to fulfill the role ourselves.”

“Still, he ordered you to go to school with me…”

Had he told them to kiss me? My stomach soured instantly.

“He never told us to do what we did, as far as the car goes. We only sabotaged your relationships, so no one ever got close to you.”

The air felt too hot. Too suffocating. I pulled out of Gio’s hold and brought my hand to my stomach, and the other to my face, trying to piece together what that meant.

“I came to you, crying. Upset….” I heaved in a breath and tried to remember all the boys I’d thought might like me or be my friend, only to have them treat me like I had some infectious disease the next time I encountered them.

My eyes found theirs. “You humored me…pitied me. You took my first kiss because?—”

Kingston stood, working his jaw. “You gave us that first kiss and all the ones after, you gave us your body, your skin, your heart. Fuck, you’re two seconds from tossing your soul at our feet right now.”

I was going to be sick. “You never cared about me, did you?”

Gio barked out an incredulous laugh. “Care about you? That’s all we’ve done since the moment you existed for us, Pres.

We’ve only ever cared about you. We’re obsessed with you.

Probably in love with you, but we won’t ever allow ourselves to have that because you were never ours to keep.

You were always going to be Scotty’s chess piece to move around when he saw fit. ”

“So you used me? Took what you could get and now you’ll toss me away? ”

Kingston grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer. “We won’t ever do that, but the reality is, we can’t have you.”

“Why not?!” I yelled, using my free fist to pound it against his chest.

I glared over at Gio and blinked away angry tears. “Why won’t you fight for me? Why are you just accepting that this is how it’ll be? How come you can let me go so easily when you’re both ingrained in me so deeply I won’t ever be over you?”

My face was wet and hot as angry tears slipped over my cheek and down my nose.

“You will be, one day there will be someone?—”

“Stop it!” I pushed against Kingston again, this time gaining space.

“Fight for me, tell me we have a future. Tell me you’ll build the farmhouse with me, and you’ll plant my marigolds.

Tell me we’ll star gaze at night in the field, and we’ll be together, always.

We’ll know peace and we’ll allow our bruises to heal and our hearts to mend.

We’ll forget the blood-soaked path that led us here, and we’ll start over. Tell me there’s hope.”

Gio cut in and his mocking tone was another invisible gash in my heart. “And what, you’ll marry us both, whose baby will you carry? Will you put up a sleeping chart for us, whose bed you’ll go to, on which night?”

I blinked at him, my lashes soaked and clumpy with running mascara. “We would make it work. All of it. In time, if we had each other?—”

“See, that’s just it.” Gio stepped closer, his cool eyes burning hot in a way that made me worry.

“I don’t want to share my forever with you even if it is with my twin brother.

I want you for myself. I want you in my bed, carrying my kid, with my ring on your finger.

That’s the future I want. But I have to share you, Elvis.

With this future you already accepted, with my twin who has the other half of your heart.

I only have part of you, and because of that, you can’t ever have all of me.

I need to let you go as badly as you need to release me. ”

I didn’t realize my head was shaking, but wetness hit my numb arms, and I realized tears had fallen from how hard I was denying this truth he’d given me.

I stupidly assumed they didn’t mind me sharing their hearts.

I’d had my fingers around both since before I knew I was in love with them, and now they were prying my hands away, one digit at a time. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“So that’s it. You turn eighteen and let me go?”

Gio tried to pull me closer, but I put my hand up, preventing it.

“No. We turn eighteen and we wait around for Scotty to tell us to fuck off. We keep doing what we’re doing, and eventually one day, King and I, we’ll find a way to move on.”

With my throat burning, and my voice trembling, I managed to form one last thing. “I wish you’d find a way to choose me, to fight for me. I wish you’d find a way to make room for this because it could have been beautiful and perfect. I wish you weren’t such cowards.”

With that, I spun on my heel and ran out of the room and darted down the stairs. I ran with tears blurring my vision until I found Carter, and then with her arm around me, tucked close to her side, I went home.