Page 109 of The Lost Bones

“I only have white wine,” he said.

“It will do.”

They hung out in the living room, drinking and playing darts like they usually did.

Mackenzie laughed until she snorted wine out of her nose. “Oh look, wine is coming out of my nicenostrils.”

“Best ones I’ve seen.” He managed a straight face, but she kept laughing. “I don’t know why you’re not taking me seriously. By the way, did you get a chance to talk to Sterling?”

“Yeah, he broke up with Ivy. I hope he finds someone else.” She put her empty glass down and dug out a letter from her pocket. “This is for you.”

He frowned. “What is it?”

“A letter.”

He was curious and set his glass on a coaster. Even though he didn’t believe in coasters; it was just so that Mackenzie didn’t get bothered.

“I wrote it in the basement. When Andrew and I thought we wouldn’t get out of there alive.” The thought of Andrew still brought tears to her eyes. She’d made it out and he hadn’t.

Nick opened the letter and began reading.

Dear Nick,

The world is a cruel place. The universe is designed to keep you unhappy. Being negative is easy. It doesn’t require any work. Anger, hopelessness, grief, aloofness, anxiety—they come swiftly without facing any barriers. But to acquire hope, happiness, and love, many obstacles must be overcome. It isn’t fair, but it is what it is.

Happiness is a constant struggle. The only way to thrive has been to scratch and claw for every second. It can be laborious and draining. Life isn’t like a story where there is a happily ever after. The prizes are the small victories along the way, catching those few moments of contentment when everything aligns perfectly, before entropy strikes and chaos throws it all off. Again. And we struggle to put things back into place. Again. It’s a cycle that we are all trapped in, unfortunately.

I write this with the knowledge that I might not get out of here alive. But I’ll be escaping this cycle with regrets. I’ve lived almost all my life in the past. I believed that confronting my past and gaining closure would absolve me and set everything right. But I was wrong.

Distancing myself from the bad wasn’t enough when I never learned to embrace the good. I just ended up being stuck in limbo. I regret that I didn’t cherish the good times enough. I regret that I resisted happiness initially because I thought I didn’t deserve it, and then later because I was scared I’d lose it.

You see, it takes bravery to love and have hope, and believe in happiness. Because belief requires us to abandon something very powerful—fear. But fear exists for one reason alone—to be conquered.

If I could have a do-over, I would not be scared anymore. I wouldn’t fear the bad and I wouldn’t fear the good. I would tell you that every good I’ve had has involved you. I would tell you that you were the person I thought of when I was staring death in the face. And I wish I had known that the motivation I’d been searching for to keep going had always been in the cubicle behind mine. So thank you. Better late than never. You taught me to be fearless.

M

When he was done reading, he looked up at her, his black eyes somewhere between surprised and beaming.

She realized that it didn’t scare her that she had laid herself open. Expressed herself in the rawest fashion she could. “If you joke about how cheesy it was, I will literally murder you,” she warned him seriously.

He folded the letter and put it in his pocket. Grinning ear to ear, he put an arm around her and kissed her on the head. She curled up on the couch, snuggling into him, feeling content and safe as he looked for a movie to stream.

“Oh! There’sTheBirds!” she said.

“Don’t you thinkCasablancais more appropriate?” he asked. “You know, with the current mood.”

“The mood is forThe Birds.”

“Wow. I really misunderstood that letter.” But he made no attempt to move his arm.

“You’re just scared of it; that’s why you’re looking for excuses not to watch it, aren’t you?”

When both their phones trilled with a notification, Mackenzie teased him. “Saved by the bell.”

“I guess we’ll never know, will we?” He feigned innocence, but then his expression turned serious as he looked at the screen. “Dammit.”

Mackenzie sighed, her mood plummeting. “Three bodies at the cemetery.”

And just like that, she was back on the road, driving through the dark and dreary streets of Lakemore, doing what she did best—locking away one criminal at a time.

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