Page 109 of The Lies We Steal

“What is that smell on you all the time. It’s like fucking flowers.”

The way he traces the veins in my neck with the tip of his nose makes me shiver in his arms.

“It’s ugh,” I stumble distracted as his hands fall on my hip bones, rubbing circles into them, “Olay. Black currant and orchid. I think.”

A mental note is made to keep using that scent as we stand there, hands reaching for exposed skin, tugging each other closer, short breaths, gentle moans as we work each other up.

I loved this. I wanted this to be enough, but as my head falls back against the wall, my brain makes it impossible for me to concentrate. What does he mean by something to take care of? What is he going to do?

This couldn’t be enough for me. I needed more. I needed answers.

I wanted to be selfish because I wanted all of Alistair. Not just pieces.

Pressing my hands into his chest and pushing lightly, putting a gap between the two of us, “Alistair, wait—” I start, swallowing the nerves in my throat,

“What are you going to take care of tonight?”

I make the mistake of connecting my eyes to his. Dark, rich, bitter brown eyes that remind me of fresh earth after a heavy rain. So dark they are inky, almost black full of depths I can’t even understand.

The lust that tinted them begins to lose its luster and I know he understands what I’m asking.

“Don’t.” He says, shaking his head, “Don’t do this right now.”

“Is it about Rose? Are you going to the police about what we found on that flash drive, you’re gonna turn Mr. West in? Is that what you are going to do?”

His hands retract from my body, “It’s taken care of.”

“How? Did you tell someone?” I push, “I need to know that something is being done, there are probably hundreds of missing girls out there. This is the evidence people need to solve unsolved kidnappings! You have to say something.” It had been buzzing in the back of my mind since I saw the video.

“You aren’t a part of this. You did your job and now it’s being handled. That’s all you need to know.”

I furrow my eyebrows, “That’s all I need to know? Are you fucking kidding me? I broke into a safe for you! I could’ve been expelled, hell, arrested! I deserve to know!”

The way he steps away from me, like I’ve made him sick has this sharp pain moving across my chest, the way jellyfish wrap their tentacles around your body before shocking you, I can already feel the burn.

“No, you broke into a safe because I blackmailed you. Don’t act like you’ve done me any favors, Briar.”

“Are you serious?” I spit out, a harsh laugh following, “That’s how you’re going to be about this?”

“What did you expect? We start fucking and I owe you an explanation to everything I do?”

I flinch at how harsh his tone is, how harsh his words are.

“I don’t owe you anything. If you’re looking for a boyfriend who is gonna call you pretty and tell you you’re the reason he believes in love, you are in for a rude awakening cause that’s not me. This,” He waves his finger between the two of us, “is sex. That’s it, just sex. Don’t try to convince yourself it’s anything more.”

I thought the moment my heart broke it would be this loud crashing sound in my chest. That it would make a commotion like smashing glass onto the floor.

It didn’t. Instead it was this silent moment of mourning as the pieces fell apart. There shouldn’t have been a reason I was so affected by this.

Why should I?

Alistair Caldwell is bad news. He is trouble. He tormented me. He is involved in murders and sex rings. There is nothing redeemable about him.

But there was a brief time between the wrath, between the hate, that he was my bad news. My trouble.

I thought, stupidly, I was special. I mean he tattooed me didn’t he? Marked me for the entire fucking world to see?

This dull ache begins to radiate all throughout my body. Hearing him say that aloud stings even if I knew that was how he felt about it on the inside.