Page 38 of The Last House in Lambton (Pride and Prejudice Variations #6)

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

A s the wheels began to move, my uncle handed me his handkerchief and said with a touch of asperity, “Tsk, child. How came you, such a sensible and lively-witted girl, to fall in love with such a man?”

He was not unkind, but gruff out of concern for me. I am sure I looked a shattered wreck and close to collapse.

“I will survive,” I said in a small, stiff voice. I then closed my eyes and gave in to the monstrous headache that always came after such a bout of weeping.

The first day, we spoke but little. My head throbbed, and I kept my eyes closed, mortified that everyone must also know what Mr Gardiner had so easily perceived. When we did talk, it was in brief, practical sentences regarding accommodations and whether I wished for a hot brick under my feet.

The following day was sluggish and uncomfortable.

The roads at this time of year were more rutted than usual, and we were pursued by clouds that would spit on us but never quite rain.

We sat with our backs slanted against one another but had little to look at out of our respective windows, and by degrees, our relations began to thaw.

I do not like hostile silence, and so, I was the first to extend the olive branch. “I have wanted to ask what you decided about Mrs Burke.”

“The house was polished and warm, I was served a drinkable dish of tea, and the smell of tallow was ameliorated by a kettle of boiling herbs.”

“I suppose she would know that trick,” I said uncharitably.

“She will be given the position. I myself dismissed Mr and Mrs Smith, and Mrs Burke is undertaking the task of finding replacements in Lambton or Derby if needs must. I impressed upon her that young men of the kind we wish to attract to her lodging must be fed so well they would not dream of leaving unless absolutely required to go.”

“I am sure the cook was reeling.”

“She may have been, but I pointed out she was lucky not to be accused of stealing the stores sent from Pemberley, that there had been witnesses to the delivery, and no one would believe she had not helped herself. Mr Smith looked struck down, and I was slightly kinder, telling him he was getting too far on in years for heavy work, and he would receive a small stipend and a referral to the vicar for alms.”

“The maids?”

“Mrs Burke will have them in hand. I specifically mentioned that the kitchen maid had earned your interest and that she must be brought along by the new cook.” He looked at me in faint amusement. “They will all survive, Lizzy.”

We lapsed into a long silence, and then he said, almost as a reflective afterthought, “I sometimes forget that my sister married a gentleman, but when I saw you set Mrs Burke down the other day, your breeding did show. I am glad of it, for she had a much better sense of her place when I saw her again. ”

I sighed, and sensing an opportunity, I said, “I know you think I was shockingly improper to have accepted the hospitality of an unwed man. But perhaps you do not realise that we were indeed brought up as gentlewomen but with such uneven educations as to complicate matters a great deal.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mama would have seen nothing wrong with my invitation to Pemberley. She would have encouraged it, in fact. You look incredulous, and you have no reason to believe me after I have so recently—well, never mind.”

“Say what you wish to say, Lizzy.”

“Consider that Mama sent Jane on horseback to Netherfield Park to dine with Mr Bingley’s sisters on a day in which it was certain to rain for the sole purpose of assuring she would have to spend the night.”

“You jest.”

“I do not. Jane caught cold, and Mama would not send the carriage for days to force her stay. You may apply to anyone for the truth of it, even my mother, who is proud of having done it.”

“And Bennet allowed this?”

“Papa is disinclined to check her. Clearly, Mr Bingley was a respectable man with two sisters, and real objections were not raised. Beyond that, I hope you know that Jane and I, at least, were sensible of the folly and conscious of the need to protect ourselves at least a little. Mr Darcy was known to me from that stay at Netherfield Park, and I knew he was not a rake, and though it was mortifying to put myself in his power, I felt I could trust him and did so for Mrs Jennings’ sake.

” I took a fortifying breath. “Some very rough men had come through Lambton during the night—there was a mine closure and general unrest—and I felt us to be exposed, as we were so far up the road.”

He cogitated on this with a look of concern on his face. “You might have told me?— ”

“I am telling you now, at what I feel to be the first moment you are sufficiently in charity with me to listen.”

“I have been hard on you,” he conceded, “but only because I was so angry with myself. I went against my better judgment and allowed this escapade in the first place, and—well, it does not bear talking of.”

“No, it does not, but I would like to tell you that I have grave concerns about Lydia, Kitty, and even Mary.”

We had nothing better to do and so I enumerated my concerns with regard to my youngest sisters and asked my uncle to stay at Longbourn for a few days to ascertain the veracity of my observations.

“I do not expect you to repair what my parents will not, but your response to my stay at Pemberley has led me to think you may at least like to know how we have been raised.”

The last time he had stayed at Longbourn, my sisters were three years younger and forgiven for their antics on account of being children.

He agreed to this, though I suspected he believed me to have exaggerated the case.

Again, I felt I had done what I could and chose to desist until we crossed into Hertfordshire County proper, where I was moved to say, “I have asked a great deal of you, sir. The expense of this journey fairly staggers my mind. Yet, I have one more favour to beg.”

He nodded.

“Might we not mention my stay at Pemberley?”

“What? But how could we not? Moreover, why would we not? Your father should be told, Lizzy.”

“Do recall that when you wrote requesting his concurrence that I be allowed to travel to Lambton, he congratulated you on discovering a means of escaping the expense of feeding one of his children.”

“He was joking. ”

“Of course he was, but in truth, he is not deeply invested in our lives. But it is not on account of my father I ask you to shield me. I really do not want my mother to know. She will tease me relentlessly and wonder aloud to everyone why I could not entice Mr Darcy to offer for me, and I would find it painful for her to speak of it.”

Mr Gardiner only agreed to consider it because he is not a man to commit a lie by omission and said so rather pointedly, since that is precisely what I had done with regard to Mrs Jennings’s situation.

As to the expense I had put him to, he patted my hand and said I must not think of it and that the enterprise of a boarding house in Lambton would easily see him repaid.

We arrived late in the afternoon, both of us road-sick and weary from the days of travel. I was swarmed by my sisters and brought into the house, where I endured a half an hour of such abrasive comments as must annoy a saint.

“Well, well. My prodigal daughter has returned, has she? Remind me, Mrs Bennet, what is her given name?” from Papa, and “Lord, you look ten years older than when I last saw you, Lizzy!” from Lydia.

When I kissed Mama on the cheek, she spoke to me in a tone of injury. “I see you are come back. Well, I suppose you may, though what I shall do with you I do not know.”

From Kitty I heard relief but for selfish reasons. “You are here at last, Lizzy,” she said, sidling up to me at the first opportunity and speaking in a low murmur. “Lydia has been such a witch to me, and I hope you give her a lecture.”

To Mary, who hung back in an attitude of indifference, I extended myself. Kissing her on the cheek, I said, “I am happy to see you, Mary. Maybe tomorrow you might show me the music you are learning? ”

And with Jane, there was nothing but love expressed between us without words and in a long, fervent embrace.

“You are done up, Lizzy,” she said kindly. “Come and lie down. Would you like a cold cloth on your head and a warming pan for your feet?”

I was home. I lay in the darkened room as though I had died, and every moment that passed from then on would constitute a strange, new existence.