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16

“Isn’t that your mother’s Rolls-Royce?”

We’re driving down Alistair’s street after my shopping spree. The Aston Martin wasn’t big enough to handle all the packages. How wild that (a) I shopped that hard and (b) the trunk on his vehicle is so small. I took too long to decide what I wanted to take with me versus what I wanted delivered to my apartment, so Alistair arranged for all of it to be sent to his house. Guess he’d had enough of shopping.

“Yes,” he says with a frown for the luxe car. “That’s her.”

“You weren’t expecting a visit?”

“No, I was not.”

I sense something has gone down between him and his mom, but I have no idea what or when. Family can be complicated. But there’s the distinct feeling Alistair would rather have it out with her in the street than let her into his sanctuary. The problem is you never know when paparazzi might be lurking. As soon as the gate slides open, the Rolls heads inside followed by a shiny new Cadillac Escalade. A man and a woman dressed in sharp black suits step out of the Escalade once it parks. I may not have much experience around the rich and famous; however, these people all but scream security detail. This fact is confirmed when a petite white woman with silver hair wearing a brown tweed skirt suit steps out behind them. A woman I have seen a time or two on the gossip sites.

Whoa. Royalty has come to call. It’s a good thing I swapped my old jeans and emotional-support hoodie for a nice new outfit of black pants, a white silk blouse, and black combat ankle boots by Jimmy Choo. Faking rich is fun.

Alistair swears profusely. The array of languages is impressive. French, Italian, and Spanish are all in there. I recognize scheisse as being German. Not sure about the rest. He is seriously unhappy.

“I take it visits don’t happen often,” I say. “How do you want to handle it?”

He sits slumped over the wheel. “It’s not too late for us to buy a private island. Just a small one. Nothing too extravagant. We could disappear and never be seen again. Live out our days sipping cocktails on the beach. I’d be more than happy to rub suntan lotion on your back. I’m useful like that.”

“It does sound tempting.”

Lady Helena and Dougal stand waiting by the front door. Judging by the set of her chin, she’s no happier about the situation than her son. Though Dougal seems unperturbed as he whistles a tune while surveying the property.

Alistair sighs. “Guess we better get it over with.”

“Should I wait out here?”

“No” is all he says, opening the driver’s-side door.

“Okay, then.”

We climb out of the car, and the only noise is the crunch of gravel beneath our feet. The silence filling the spaces between is deafening. Why does this feel like an ambush?

“Those hedges need trimming.” Dougal points to the offending shrubbery. “They’re out of control, lad.”

“I like them that high.” Alistair turns to the stranger in our midst and nods his head. It’s a brief show of deference. “Your Royal Highness, what brings you by?”

Princess Alexandra, the king’s sister, gives us all a sour look and says, “We’ll talk inside.”

As soon as the front door is open and the security alarm dealt with, one of her people ventures inside. No doubt to search for any hidden anti-monarchists. The princess doesn’t wait for the all clear, however, striding into the house with her nose held high. Although the remaining security person isn’t happy, she doesn’t seem surprised. And there’s a job you could not pay me enough money to do. Following them inside isn’t particularly appealing. A feeling shared by more than me. Alistair, Lady Helena, and Dougal all linger in the open air.

Lady Helena presents her cheek to her son for a kiss. “Hello, sweetheart.”

“Mother,” Alistair greets her.

“I was notified by a friend when her private jet landed. Had a feeling she might be headed your way. I tried to call, but you were apparently doing something very important and had your phone switched off.”

Nothing from her son.

“I’m sure that’s what it was. You wouldn’t be avoiding my calls, would you? Of course not. How silly of me to even think that.” Her diamond bracelets clatter as she pats me on the cheek. “Good to see you’re still with us, Lilah.”

“Thank you, Your Ladyship,” I say. “Am I supposed to curtsy to the princess or what?”

Lady Helena’s response is a maudlin sigh. “It’s been years since I’ve been around anybody that outranks me.”

“There, there,” says Dougal, ushering her inside.

Alistair’s face is blank. Never a good sign. “The king likes to send someone to lecture me once a year or so. But this is only the second time an actual member of the family has seen fit to visit.”

“I suggest we be exactly as polite to her as she is to us.”

His answering smile is all sharp teeth.

Princess Alexandra stands rigid with her back to the room, staring out at the garden. Her security people hover nearby. So much tension.

“We’ll talk alone, Alistair,” she says without turning.

He directs me into the corner of the sofa and stands at my side. “No. We won’t.”

The princess turns and sniffs with derision in our general direction. “Very well. I’m sure you know who sent me.”

“Can you name names?” Lady Helena sits beside me on the sofa. “It would be awfully helpful. My memory isn’t what it used to be, and you know subtext was never my strong suit.”

“Your recent behavior has been the cause of much concern. The photos of you in the media, particularly,” she continues, ignoring Helena.

“You mean the ones of him in public with a couple of different female friends? The ones where everyone was fully clothed?” I ask. “How the hell could they be seen as scandalous?”

The princess ignores me too and carries on. “We’d hoped you would have settled down by now. It’s not as if suitable candidates weren’t made available.”

“Do you mean that awful girl you had the audacity to send chasing after him the second he turned eighteen?” asks Lady Helena. “You remember, sweetie—” she turns to Alistair “—her father was some billionaire. Of course, it turned out that he was a close friend of a certain monarch. We had to find out about the connection through other means. It was all rather distasteful, as I recall.”

Alistair just grunts and sits on the arm of the sofa beside me. He apparently feels the need to hover. As for me, I feel the need to protect him from these assholes.

“Then there was that supposedly chance meeting with His Royal Highness’s goddaughter,” continues Her Ladyship. “She transferred to your college for a semester. Not the least bit subtle. Next came the young, widowed countess who tried to climb into your bed in Bali. And the rather fetching equerry’s daughter who tailed you around town for a while. I was also highly dubious about the one from the Royal Ballet. What was her name again?”

“How the hell did you hear about Bali?” asks Alistair.

Her Ladyship winks. “Never you mind.”

“That’s enough.” The princess’s gaze is cold and hard. “The point is you’ve had numerous opportunities to find yourself a suitable match. At least previously you were always seen with women of worth.”

“Oh, dear. I never could fault your bravery, Lexi, just your wisdom. Safe to say that hasn’t changed. Whatever it is you want from him, let me assure you that attacking his friend is not the way to get it.” Lady Helena raises her hand. “A drink, please, Dougal.”

“Yes, Your Ladyship.”

“Best get one for Lilah as well.”

“Aye.”

“Women of worth?” repeats Alistair with a blank face. “Are you fucking with me?”

“How dare you use such language.” The princess’s lips are a thin line. “I suppose it was too much to hope that you had been raised correctly.”

“He went to all the best schools, as you well know,” says Lady Helena in a cool tone. “Received training in etiquette, has a working knowledge of the Constitution...all that nonsense. We even had regular formal meals to ensure he was comfortable in such a setting. All on the off chance that his father might one day deign to acknowledge his existence. When news of my son was made public, we received no support from you or your family. And still Alistair did his best to make his father proud. He even served in the military.”

“For the wrong bloody country.”

“For the country that wanted him.”

“This is all beside the point,” says the princess. “His latest dalliance is ill-advised and cannot continue.”

Before Alistair can lose his shit, I ask, “What’s so awful about me? Just out of curiosity.”

“Nothing. You are perfectly ordinary in every way. You are the very epitome of unremarkable. And for someone of Alistair’s pedigree, that is simply unacceptable.”

“You would know all about conduct and pedigree,” says Lady Helena. “I once saw you so drunk you were spinning in circles with the skirt of your ball gown held high above your head. That was a good night. We were at Kensington Palace with that bartender you were seeing on the sly... What was his name?”

Nothing from the princess.

“Ordinary how, exactly?” I press.

More sniffing from the princess. The lady needs a tissue. “Your upbringing, education, appearance, social circles... Everything about you is objectionable.”

“That’s enough,” growls Alistair. “I’ve never heard such utter shite.”

To which I respond, “I want to hear what she has to say.”

Which is just as well since the princess shows no signs of stopping. “Not to mention how erratic your recent behavior has been. Getting tattoos and such.”

“Wait a minute. How do you know about that? I haven’t posted on social media since last Saturday.” And then it hits me. “Huh. You have someone following me, don’t you?”

“You’ve had someone following Lilah?” Alistair’s jaw is an angry jagged line. “Are you kidding me?”

“Alistair, you are not in a position to simply do as you please,” says the princess.

“Watch me.”

“You actually hired someone to stalk me,” I say again in surprise. “What the hell is wrong with you people?”

“A basic background check is standard protocol.” The princess returns my glare with one of her own. “Alistair has a connection to the crown. Of course we had to know who you were.”

I just shake my head.

Lady Helena jumps to her feet. “I am outraged—outraged, I say—that you would treat my soon-to-be daughter-in-law this way!”

Alistair’s brows are pinched. “Mother...”

“My darling baby boy finally finds happiness, and this is how you behave. I can believe it of your brother. He was always a self-absorbed twat. But in all honesty, Lexi, I’d hoped for better from you.”

“They’re engaged?” asks the princess with no small amount of horror.

“Yes, they most certainly are, and I, for one, could not be happier. The tears of joy I wept when they told me the good news. I couldn’t stop howling with happiness for hours. Hours, I say!”

Dougal makes a noise in the back of his throat. It sounds vaguely like him trying to choke down laughter.

I have nothing.

The princess turns to Alistair and demands, “Is this the truth?”

But he’s busy doing the blank-expression thing again. However, if his mother wants to mess with these people...it’s okay with me. They actually paid someone to follow me around and report on my doings. Paparazzi are an invasion of privacy. This, though, feels like taking it to a whole new level.

“Go on, darling.” Lady Helena smiles encouragingly. “You might as well tell her.”

“Right.” Alistair clears his throat. “Lilah and I are... Yes...we, um...”

“We’re thinking of a July wedding,” I say. “Just something small and intimate.”

“Absolutely no more than a few hundred of their closest family and friends.” Lady Helena plays with her pearls. “And of course, an exclusive will be sold to a respectable media outlet. Photos and a tell-all interview. Merchandise will of course be on sale once we get their official website up and running. Coffee cups and tea towels and suchlike. All of good make. It wouldn’t do to be stingy.”

The princess falls into a nearby chair as if she might faint. Though even that is done elegantly. “He’ll have my head for this.”

“I’m reasonably certain that’s no longer legal,” says Alistair, barely hiding a smile. “But don’t quote me on it.”

“He was hoping you might take an interest in a distant cousin. She’s quite a nice girl. A little horsey for me, but not everyone minds that.”

“That’s not going to happen,” says Alistair.

“You don’t understand. The king is finally willing to acknowledge you. So long as you agree to certain caveats, of course.”

The blood drains from Lady Helena’s face. “He’s willing to what? What did you say?”

“You will never be in line for the throne,” says the princess. “But the king is willing to acknowledge you, and you would no longer be persona non grata.”

Alistair blinks repeatedly. As if he too is taken aback.

Dougal hands me a glass of ice water, and I down a mouthful. And immediately start coughing because the clear liquid is vodka. What a rookie mistake. How embarrassing. Alistair smothers a smile and rubs my back. Always nice to know someone finds me entertaining. How unfortunate that it’s my new fake fiancé who might be about to dump me in favor of finally having a relationship with his father and some strange girl.

“Why now?” asks Alistair. “What’s changed?”

“It’s an offer that won’t be repeated,” says the princess, not answering his question.

Lady Helena sighs. “Lexi, he won’t consider the proposal without the appropriate information. Be sensible. I didn’t raise a fool.”

“In front of her?” The princess gives me serious side-eye.

“Lilah knows how to keep her mouth shut. Come on. Out with it.”

“I have missed you, Hel. Your directness was refreshing...up to a point.” The princess turns away for a moment, staring at the sterile gray wall. “The political climate is more lenient at present.”

“It has nothing to do with the current negative public opinion of him, does it?” asks Alistair.

“There’s also his rumored separation from the queen consort to consider. You would make a wonderful distraction from all that, darling,” says Lady Helena. “You’re rather popular. The dashing Scotsman of royal descent who found success on his own terms. Embracing you now would breathe some life back into him and make him seem more human. It would also help drag the monarchy into the modern age. Something which is direly needed.”

The princess’s gaze is guarded. “These are all just suppositions. What’s your answer?”

“Why should Alistair help you? What have any of you ever done for him?” asks Lady Helena. “Your brother pays me handsomely to keep my mouth shut and stay on my side of the Atlantic. That, however, is a business arrangement. He’s yet to show his firstborn a single kindness. Given time, several great artworks, an estate or two, and a lot of jewelry, I could perhaps forgive him for hurting me. But not my child.”

A line appears between Alistair’s brows.

Dougal hands the princess a drink. You can be certain Her Royal Highness doesn’t cough or choke. She cocks her head. “If they’re engaged, where’s her ring?”

“Oh. I knew I forgot something. How silly of me.” Lady Helena wrestles with one of the many rings on her fingers. “Shit. It seems to be stuck. Dougal!”

“Coming,” says the Scotsman. “Been a while since you’ve taken that one off. Let me just... Oof. There we go.”

The princess gasps. “You’re not giving her the Lennox diamond.”

“Of course I am. It’s the pride of our family. A cherished heirloom that’s worth a small fortune. Here, Lilah, catch.” And Lady Helena tosses the ring.

I lunge for the ring with my usual sporting finesse. But Alistair plucks it out of the air with ease. It’s an obscenely large emerald-cut diamond in a platinum setting. His smile is bemused as he slides it on my finger. He stares into my eyes, and I know this is all just a joke, but it’s hard not to get all up in my feelings. And those feelings have nothing to do with amusement and everything to do with him. Then he gives my fingers a squeeze and turns away, which is for the best. My ability to keep a straight face is at an all-time low. At least I can go to the grave saying I was engaged. Sort of. That’s something new, unexpected, and quite daring. What I really want to know, however, is if I am about to be dumped by my friend in favor of his father.

“Thank you, Mother,” he says eventually. “I couldn’t have done better myself.”

“I’d hope not, sweetheart. Nice to see family come in handy now and then, isn’t it?” Lady Helena takes a sip of her drink and turns back to our royal guest. “Lexi, why did he send you and not one of the firm’s flunkies?”

“I daresay, given the topic of conversation, he knew none of them would get past the front door,” answers Her Royal Highness. “I don’t know. Ask him when he calls you again tonight.”

Alistair frowns at his mother. “You’re talking to him that often?”

“I have been lately. The king is in a rare state of agitation. It had been a while since we butted heads. I don’t think I’d heard from him since you dislocated your shoulder surfing a few years back. Tell him there’s to be no more extreme sports. I forbid it. He truly is hilarious. But he enjoys yelling at me and I enjoy yelling at him. It’s a win for everyone, really.” Lady Helena frowns at her empty glass. “This conversation requires further refreshments. Sweetheart, you wouldn’t happen to have a decent bottle of champagne on hand, would you?”

“No,” says Alistair. “Sorry.”

“Time for us to depart, then,” says Lady Helena. “My place or yours, Lexi?”

The princess gets to her feet. “Yours, I suppose. But we can’t be seen together. And you mustn’t tell him I told you these things.”

“No one’s going to tattle. Do stop fussing, old girl.”

They head for the door with Dougal and the security guards in tow.

As soon as they’re gone, Alistair rises and paces the room. Back and forth he strides with a frown on his face. The man is obviously thinking deep thoughts.

“That was a lot,” I say. “A whole wide lot.”

He grunts.

Not knowing where I stand with him sucks. How has this conversation changed things? My family is important to me. The thought of not having a healthy relationship with my parents is horrible. I rub my sweaty palms on the side of my nice new black pants. “I just want you to know, whatever decision you make, you have my support.”

He stops and stares at me.

“You’ve wanted a chance to get to know your father your whole life. This is it. It’s finally here.”

“What are you saying, Lilah?”

“We’ve only known each other a week. Not even that exactly.”

“And?”

“Like the princess said, this might be your only opportunity to make peace with that side of your family. To get to know them. Losing me is obviously one of the conditions. I don’t know why I bother them that badly. But it’s not a big deal... We’re not even really dating.” With each word, my heart and hopes sink further. He’s not stopping me. He’s not saying anything. “Ali, you should take this chance if that’s what you want to do. What I’m trying to say is, it’s okay with me.”

He blinks. “It’s okay with you if we never see each other again?”

“I, um... Yeah. If that’s what you want.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Were we ever really together?” I ask with a wince. “I thought that was still up for debate.”

He holds out a hand and pulls me to my feet. But he doesn’t take a step back, he doesn’t give me any room. I am stuck between him and the sofa. “That’s very self-sacrificing of you, Leannan. Throwing yourself on the sword like that so I can have a relationship with the man who has done nothing but regret my existence since the day I was born. That’s when he wasn’t of a mind to try and manipulate me and meddle in my life, of course.”

I remain silent, not sure how to respond.

“Are you rethinking your very generous offer?” he asks.

“A little. Yes.”

He nods.

I place my hands against his chest and say, “Let me rephrase all of that. Ali, what do you want to do?”

“I’ve already told you what I want to do in the immediate future. My thoughts on the matter haven’t changed.”

“Dinner and drinks. Okay.” I take a deep breath. “Do you have a bottle of good champagne?”

“Several. But I bought them for you. And the last thing we need is Mother and the princess hanging around here getting pissed and reminiscing about the good old days.” He leans down, putting his face close to mine. “It’s the middle of the night in London, but I’ll try to get a message to him. Tell him and his people to back off and leave you alone.”

“The king doesn’t scare me.”

The edge of his mouth rises. “He does a little.”

“Maybe a little,” I admit. “But he’s not going to stop me.”

“That’s my girl.”