Page 38 of The Lady Who Left (The Flower Sisters #4)
M arigold’s gaze scanned the brick facade of the Westminster School, the spires of the medieval Abbey spiking into the sky behind the structure, and attempted to ignore the burning in her throat. The rumbling of London carried over the high walls and vaulted ceilings, but was muffled, as though a damper had been placed over her when she crossed into the courtyard.
Lily’s hand fell on her arm, and Marigold’s breathing eased. “It’s an excellent school,” her sister said. “The boys will thrive here.”
“How d-do you know?” How did any of them know the best way forward, the one that would protect her sons and allow them to flourish?
Lily scoffed. “I don’t . I don’t have children. But you seemed satisfied, and you can trust your judgment as a mother.”
After Reggie requested to go to school, Marigold enlisted Lily’s help in writing to every parent they knew in London, inquiring about options that wouldn’t require him to leave home. After visiting several sites, she felt the calmest in the school at the center of English government. Of course, she’d have to leave Yorkshire, but putting space between herself and Archie, all the memories they created together, would only do her good. The two weeks since the trial hadn’t granted relief, nor keeping herself busy packing up their temporary home. Now she could occupy herself with finding a new place to put down roots, this time at the heart of society.
She shuddered at the thought.
Marigold linked her arm with her sister’s and let her head fall against her shoulder. “I’m so grateful you came. I couldn’t have d-done this without you.”
Lily’s shrug bobbed Marigold’s head as she steered them through the adjacent cottage garden toward the high street. “All I did was call on some friends for advice. Besides, I needed some time away from the stables. Things are complicated.”
Marigold lifted her head and assessed her sister, noting the uncharacteristic tension in her lips. “Complicated how?”
“Whit is back.”
Marigold halted in place, too stunned to react to the incensed mutterings of the pedestrians behind her. “Whit?” she hissed. Her sister’s husband had been on the continent for going on a decade, so an unannounced return to England was nothing short of shocking. “What on earth d-does he want?”
“I have no idea,” she said, but the hair’s-breadth hesitation made Marigold suspect her sister knew more than she was letting on.
“And you’re happy with this? ”
“Of course not!” Lily’s mouth worked for a moment as she crossed and uncrossed her arms. “I haven’t seen him in years.”
“So send him away!”
Lily shook her head. “It’s not so simple. Besides, I’ve been lonely, Marigold. I spent so long building a life around his absence, but now…”
Marigold grabbed her sister’s hands. “You’re d-doing so well without him.”
“Of course I am. I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone.” The tremor in her voice betrayed the potency of her words.
“Lils, what are you thinking?” Marigold steered her recalcitrant sister towards a tea shop, hoping some sugar and a powerful brew would give them both the fortification needed for the conversation ahead.
A moment later, they were seated with a tray piled high with petit fours and sandwiches, a strong cup of tea clasped in their hands. “I’m happy without him,” Lily said, but the furrow between her brow had deepened. “I don’t want to depend on anyone.”
Marigold sniffed. “Neither do I.” Although she would rely on the income from Reggie and Matthew’s trust until she could sell her jewelry and find another way to support herself. That thought and the precariousness accompanying it made her stomach twist.
She’d been content with loneliness before, when her association with the marquess meant living on the knife’s edge of doubt and desperation, her body primed for flight and exhausted by it. Now, with that danger extinguished, she was unbalanced, adrift, longing for the ballast that would stabilize her. But she wouldn’t admit it, wouldn’t give into the urge to attach herself to something larger simply so she wouldn’t have to carry herself. She would stand on her own now, no matter how much missing Archie threatened to cut her at the knees.
Lily took a long sip of her tea and set the cup down with enough force to send some liquid sloshing over the porcelain rim. “I’ll send him away. Whatever he’s up to…”
Marigold studied her sister, saw the pull at her mouth and tension in her jaw. “Is that what you want?”
“Of course not.” Her lower lip trembled, the closest to vulnerability she’d seen in her sister’s expression yet. “I didn’t choose to be lonely. It was thrust upon me. At least you chose your independence.”
Marigold nodded, shifting as an unpleasant ache, one that had been thrumming steadily behind her sternum since she left Archie at the courthouse, took up its insistent throb. She’d chosen her fate by ending her marriage, but even more so by pushing Archie away. The frustration she’d felt in the hearing had allowed the warped coils of self-doubt and fear to send her back within her protective walls. Permitting someone in her heart meant relinquishing control, leaving herself vulnerable. Freedom would keep her safe, but could she stand being lonely now that she knew the alternative?
“I’m frightened,” Marigold said, the words breaking something loose in her chest. “Of moving to London, the b-boys in school, of being alone.”
Lily’s lips flattened. “I am, too.” She chuckled, took a petit four and ate it in two bites. “Look at us, trying to show the world how brave we are when all we’ve done is make ourselves miserable with loneliness.”
Marigold’s throat burned, and she pressed her eyes shut to battle her tears. For all the strength she’d needed to fight for her divorce, she’d been too cowardly to fight for herself , the unexpected and rare love she’d found with Archie.
And he loved her. Respected her too much to question her decision, to force her into something she didn’t want.
When she exhaled, her breath caught in a choked sob that made Lily’s brows shoot up. “I d-don’t want to b-b-be lonely,” she managed, and her sister reached across the table to take her hand.
“Do you have to be?”
Marigold shook her head, a stilted laugh breaking free as her mind leaped forward to how she could fix the mess she’d caused. “No. B-but I need your help.”
Lily’s lips pulled up on one side. “Anything. What is it?”
Marigold winced. “I need you to t-t-teach me more about rugby.”