Page 70 of The Lady is Trouble
Not here, not here, Piper.
She would not cry, she vowed and pressed her hand to her stomach. Her father had always said tears were to be hidden.
Tears are for commoners, for the weak.
Behind her, the study door closed, and Julian’s heavy tread registered.Oh, God. She couldn’t let him see her like this. He would never understand why such a simple gesture, or lack of one, had destroyed her. She passed a narrow door under the servants’ staircase. A perfect place to hide until Julian left the house, as he surely thought she’d head to the gardens. She had to face him, of course.
Just not now. Not yet.
The door was unlocked, the darkness inside so complete it swallowed her whole. Reaching blindly, she encountered shelves, crisp sheets, cool plaster—the scent of lemon and starch. Pressing against the wall, she slid until her bottom hit pitted wood.Please, she prayed, dropping her brow to her drawn knees.
The silence in the confined chamber was absolute, the house in a peaceful lull between meals, not even the tick of a clock penetrating the space. She curled into herself, tears trailing her face and soaking her dress, an unattractive affair. As would likely be expected, she didn’t cry with restraint. Gulping, airless breaths bringing the taste of salt to her mouth and stinging her cheeks.
Damn you, Julian.
The hair on the back of her neck lifted as the door opened. She peered through the fractured light to find him silhouetted by a circle of luminosity that made him look positively saintly. Her heartbeat skipped, and she recoiled, bumping her head on the wall.
“Hey, stop,” he whispered, bringing the door within an inch of closing, the slender strip of light running over her slipper and his thigh as he kneeled before her. He approached as he would an animal in distress, cupping her chin and gently raising her face into the hushed glow. Mercifully, the pitch concealed his glorious eyes, though his scent was pointed and sweet, one she’d have known anywhere. His breath was coming quickly, and his hand trembled where it held her.
“Will you…leave me, please.” The gasping halt in the plea let him know precisely what shape she was in. “Go.”
He rocked back on his heels, striking the doorframe. “Have I hurt your feelings?” he asked, stunned. His hand went in and out of the light as he dragged his fingers through his hair.
Anger sliced through her, bringing with it a slight degree of control. “You don’t think I have any? Is that it?”
“No, Piper, Jesus.” He slid, too, until he rested against the doorframe. Silence hung like a specter between them. “I’ve just rarely seen you cry. And I didn’t…I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you. I’m running from myself. Don’t you see that? A mad scramble.”
She swiped a knuckle beneath each eye and drew a shaky breath. “I’m on the outside looking in, Jules. That’s what occurred to me when I walked in your study. I should have known, figured it out by being pressed into service with an aging aunt in Gloucestershire for three years, that you were never going to let me into the Leagueoryour heart. You’ve told me often enough. Been very honest and typically honorable. I have been warned. Repeatedly.”
He jerked, his knee bumping hers. “You’re mistaken. You’ve always been—”
“Don’t make promises on top of promises you can’t keep.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Making a promise I won’t keep?” he grit out, his censure lobbing around the closet like a ball.
When he reached, she shoved him back. “I allowed myself the luxury of taking what Iwantedinstead of what was prudent. So like Scandalous Scott, am I correct? Now I’m paying the price. Tomorrow, I will hold my head high and march on. But right now, right this minute, silly female that I am, I want to feel incensed and, yes, hurt.” She dropped her head to her knees, drawing in air overwhelmed with the scent of him. “Truthfully, I want to feel nothing. For you—for the League. For all of it.”
“Come here,” he said, his appeal and the confined space leaving little room to refuse. “Fine, then I’ll come there.” He rose to a squat and braced his arms on the wall on either side of her. When she looked up, he was there, breath sweeping her cheek, broad shoulders blocking out the meager light streaming through the door. “I’m usually quite good at this—”
“Julian, you’renotgood at this.”
His hand went to her jaw as he balanced before her. She tried to edge away, but she was firmly trapped. Her mind began to chant a powerful appeal, nipples pebbling, the area between her thighs pulsing in time to her heartbeat.Oh, traitorous body. The inability to see his reaction only made her arousal flare brighter.
“I don’t know what to do with this, Piper. Withyou.” His fingers quivered against her cheek. “Finn’s dreams are slicing a hole in our security, as he’s giving away as much information as he’s getting. It’s torturing him, part of the reason he’s shadowing you like a hound, afraid to let you out of his sight. And here we are,us, in the midst of this mess, involved as I’ve always suspected we someday would be, my fixation with you tearing me in two. My desires sit at the opposite ends of the galaxy. I want to shield you from danger while I spread you like butter over my body. And I can’t find a way to combine those two with any judiciousness.”
“Judiciousness, of course.” She released a soft huff. “The League is my destiny as well as yours. I’m coming to realize I need it more than I thought possible. It’s finally providing a sense of place, of belonging. Providing a future. Healing others is healingme.”
“Iknowthat.”
“Then why exclude me?”
“Sweetheart, men often need a moment to work things out in their sluggish brains. I’m not as quick on my feet as you are. Will it anger you if I admit I’m still thinking?”
She searched for his gaze in the darkness. “So, I’m to be included going forward, no matter the danger? This is your judicious pledge?”
“You underestimate the danger. When my fears are valid. Finn and Humphrey’s fears—” She cut off his words with a crude kiss that landed on the side of his mouth. He groaned, his hands tangling in her hair as he corrected the fit. Her body spilled light from within. She hadn’t touched him in two days, but it felt like weeks.
Months. Years.