Page 37

Chapter Nineteen

At some point before dawn, Ena must’ve drifted off to sleep. When she opened her eyes, it was midmorning. Even though it felt like no time had passed, she had to have fallen asleep for several hours. She looked over at Ty, who was still leaning against the tree, passed out cold.

She set to work building up the fire again and took stock of their surroundings.

The stream bubbled gently, its constant, steady flow a balm to Ena’s nerves.

The bent and leaning pine trees that lined its banks were friendly-looking, and Ena was pleased to see that the world was much the same as it had been before… everything.

She foraged around the banks for some bittercress and found some edible mushrooms. She knew that Ty’s stash of jerky and apples was almost gone, so she decided to go deeper into the woods to set a trap for small game.

She used her Knowing to locate a rabbit burrow, then, using the knife and twine she’d taken from Ty’s pack, she whittled the sticks she needed into points and drove them into the ground, arranging them with the twine to create her trap just outside the entrance.

Once the trap was set, she started to walk back to where she’d left Ty.

She really hoped her trap was successful, but if not, she wondered how she might use Ty’s shirt as a net to catch one of the fish she’d seen jumping teasingly out of the river.

She had just come to the conclusion that this was likely more trouble than it was worth, when she returned and saw Ty was awake.

He hadn’t moved, but his eyes were open. He was staring blankly at the stream. When he heard her approaching, he whipped his head towards her, seeming startled by her appearance.

He stared at her like she was a mirage. Some raw emotion crossed his face that Ena didn’t know what to make of. Relief? Joy? Desperation?

“What?” she asked, feeling suddenly concerned that something had happened.

“I thought you’d gone,” he said, his voice tight.

“Oh,” Ena replied, understanding dawning on her. He thought she’d run off and left him like this? “No, I was just setting a trap.”

Ty nodded and quickly looked away from her. He was acting strangely.

“How do you feel? Do you need help?” Ena asked, reacting to the uncomfortable look on his face.

“Well,” he said, dragging his hands down his face and clearly trying get whatever emotions he was feeling under control. “I feel like I’ve been run over by an elk, but mostly, I just desperately need a piss.”

“Oh,” Ena said again, laughing slightly in relief. She walked over and took as much of his weight as she could, helping him as he stood up stiffly. They stared at each other awkwardly for a second.

“Do you want me to…?” Ena asked, gesturing vaguely down at his crotch.

“No, no,” he reassured her hurriedly, smiling. “I think I can manage on my own.”

Then he shuffled off behind the nearest tree to relieve himself. He seemed to have a bit more strength this morning. Though he walked slowly, he didn’t seem quite as weak and pained as he had last night. Maybe he really did heal as quickly as he’d said.

When he returned, Ena handed him his waterskin, the last of the jerky, and some bittercress. Once he’d eaten a little, he wordlessly laid down on his back and fell asleep again.

Ena spent the day fervently trying not to think about what had happened, and what in the Underworld she was doing. Ty had clearly thought she’d tried to escape again. Why hadn’t she done that? The thought hadn’t even crossed her mind.

Flashes of the night before kept coming back to her.

Ty pulling the knife out of his side, then turning to look at her.

The blaze of the fire as it engulfed those men.

The sound of the man’s head smacking into the tree when she used the air to shove him back into it.

The way her visanis had felt flowing through her as she reached through the channel into the other man’s mind.

She knew her life had been under threat, and so had Ty’s, and she’d acted the only way she knew how at the time.

She felt guilty for having to kill those men, and using her Gift when she was forbidden to.

But the worst part? Part of her had loved it.

She’d been completely out of control and yet completely in control for the first time in her life.

It had been terrifying and empowering, and what that said about her, she wasn’t sure. And that part scared her most of all.

Later in the day, she went back out to check her trap to find that Gaia had granted her a fat rabbit. When she got back to their camp, she saw that Ty was awake again. He sat up against the tree stump, drinking some water. He seemed less startled when he saw her emerge from the woods this time.

“I got us some dinner,” she said, holding up the rabbit triumphantly.

“Great,” Ty replied cautiously. Something in his tone was off. Like he was trying too hard to be nice. Something had changed between them, and she wasn’t sure yet what it was or how to deal with it.

She brought the rabbit near the stream and proceeded to skin and gut it, letting the innards float away in the water. Then she speared the carcass on a large stick that she’d sharpened and set to work roasting it over the fire.

Ty was watching her pensively. A few times, he opened his mouth as if to speak to her, and then closed it again like he’d changed his mind.

She could tell that now he was awake again, there were things to discuss.

But she wasn’t sure where to start, or if she was even ready to discuss anything, so she kept silent and focused on her task.

Once the rabbit was cooked, Ena and Ty passed the carcass back and forth, picking it clean and washing down the greasy meat with their waterskins.

Ena was tempted to take a swig of the woodwater to steel herself for what she knew was coming, but she figured the smart thing to do would be to save it, in case of potential future injuries.

They finished eating in silence. The sun was just starting to get low in the sky when Ty finally spoke.

“Ena,” Ty said quietly. That one word was heavy with unspoken sentiment.

She turned to look at him. The same vulnerability that had been in his eyes last night was there, the same emotions she did not know how to acknowledge.

“Why are you still here?” he asked simply.

“You could have left hours ago and had half a day’s head start on me.

Iblis,” he sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t even know if I’d be able to track you successfully in this state.

I think you know that too. Not to mention, you could have kept running when I told you to last night and left me to my fate, but you didn’t.

You came back to fight with me.” He paused, pinning her with that intense gaze. “Why?”

Ena took a deep breath. She’d been asking herself the same question all day, and if she were being honest with herself, there were a lot of reasons. But one of them was because there were some things she needed to know.

“I’ll answer that, if you answer something for me too,” she said, meeting his gaze. There was no more beating around the bush. It was time to address hard truths. And Ty clearly agreed.

“Okay,” Ty said, conviction in his voice. “I’ll tell you whatever I can.”

“Well,” she said, wondering where to start.

“First of all, I’m not a cold-hearted bitch.

I couldn’t just leave you to be murdered in cold blood while I fled into the woods.

And I couldn’t leave you to bleed to death with no help either.

And then, well…” She fell silent for a second.

This was maybe more than she’d been prepared to share with this man who’d betrayed her trust, but she felt it needed to be said.

“I’ve never used my magic like that—to harm others.

And I’ve never used my Gift before. I was forbidden to use it, unless expressly for Gaia’s will.

And… I used it to kill a man.” She paused, letting her words sink in.

This was the first time she’d admitted it out loud, and the truth of it hit her like a ton of bricks.

“I don’t quite know how I feel about that,” she continued.

“And so, I’m not sure I’m ready to go home right now.

I’m not sure I could face them,” she finished quietly, shame coloring her voice.

She hadn’t admitted that out loud either, but it was true.

She didn’t know how she’d face Heran and Greya and the rest of her Coven after what she’d done.

What would they think of her now? Witches were meant to maintain Gaia’s balance and help mortals.

They allowed death, didn’t fight it when it was necessary, but they didn’t actively encourage it, and they never purposefully caused it.

But she had, and she’d felt so alive doing it.

And now, deep down, she wasn’t sure she was worthy of serving Gaia anymore.

Ty seemed to hear everything she didn’t say.

He was quiet for a minute, listening to her.

Then he spoke softly, but confidently. “Ena, you acted in self-defense. I can’t believe your Goddess, or your family, would fault you for that.

Yes, the man was attacking me, your sworn enemy,” the corner of his mouth curved up slightly at that description, “but had he killed me, he would have come for you next. And honestly…I didn’t recognize those men, but there’s a good chance their lawless state was a direct result of daemonic intervention.

That guilt should be on me, not on you.”

Ena was surprised. This was the first time she’d ever heard him express any sort of regret for serving Iblis. She didn’t know what to make of that. She tried to take his words to heart, though, and they did soothe her guilt ever so slightly.

She nodded at him, but there was something else that weighed on her—something she’d barely been able to admit to herself. And Ty, being what he was, was the safest person she could think to say this to.