Page 14 of The Journal of a Thousand Years (The Glass Library #6)

CHAPTER 14

M rs. Bristow made up the spare bedroom for me, while Sally found a nightgown and clean clothing that I could use. My initial thought was to refuse, since I’d packed my own things that morning, but my cases weren’t in the room. With all the confusion and chaos of the day, I’d misplaced them. The last time I recalled seeing them was outside Huon’s house early that morning when Cyclops transferred them from the taxi to his vehicle. They might still be on the back seat, forgotten. Or he might have deliberately not given them back to me in the hope I wouldn’t leave London without my luggage.

I hadn’t told him that I still planned to leave, and he gave no indication that he assumed I would. Perhaps he thought I’d changed my mind. After all, I’d been so relieved to see Gabe safe that I’d not hidden my love for him from anyone.

It was a setback not to have my personal things with me, particularly the sentimental items that had belonged to my mother and brother, and the Hendry family journal. Gabe would see that the Hendry sisters were given the journal, and he’d keep my other belongings safe. It’s unlikely I’d see them again, unless Stanley, Thurlow and the Hobson women were all caught. Even then, there would be others who tried to use me to get to Gabe.

I twisted my mother’s silver ring on my finger. It was all I had left of her.

The moment I climbed into the soft bed, exhaustion overtook me. The lack of sleep from the night before, as well as the emotional toll of the day, had finally caught up. I managed to set the alarm clock beside the bed before nodding off. It would wake me at a quarter to five, giving me time to leave before the servants started. I didn’t want to face Bristow’s censorious glare. I wanted to slip quietly away hours before my absence was discovered.

I had no idea what time I awoke. The room was dark, but that didn’t mean it was still nighttime. The curtains were so thick, and covered the window so fully, that no light would have crept in even if it was sunny outside. The house was quiet, so that was no help either. I rolled over and glanced at the bedside clock. Ten past nine! Why didn’t the alarm go off?

I flung off the covers and picked up the clock. Perhaps the time was inaccurate because Sally hadn’t wound it recently since this was a rarely used room. But surely the clocks belonging to the world’s strongest horology magician kept perfect time regardless of when they’d been wound. I looked closer and groaned. In my exhaustion, I’d mixed up the minute and hour hands and instead of setting the alarm for a quarter to five, I’d set it for twenty-five past nine. It was due to go off in fifteen minutes.

My plan to leave while the household slept was scuttled.

As I dressed, I considered whether to leave during the day while no one was looking or wait until nighttime, when everyone was in bed. Leaving later would give me the opportunity to find my cases.

I decided to see how the day progressed. If an opportunity arose to slip away unnoticed, I’d take it.

The one good thing about a delay meant I could see how Gabe fared. Hopefully after a solid rest, he was feeling stronger. The spare bedchamber was on the same floor as Gabe’s room, but I passed it without knocking on the door. I didn’t want to wake him. Indeed, I didn’t want to speak to him. The fewer opportunities there were to surrender to my heart’s desire, the better. This was a time for my head to rule.

I met Murray on the landing. He directed me to the dining room where breakfast had been laid out. He also informed me that Gabe was sleeping peacefully.

I found quite a crowd in the dining room. Joining Alex and Willie at the table were Nurse Tilda, Daisy, Petra, Huon, and Professor Nash. The sideboard was full, some of the serving dishes still covered to keep their contents warm. The smell of coffee beckoned me.

Daisy intercepted me on my way to the sideboard and embraced me in a fierce hug. “Thank goodness you’re still here. I was so worried you’d sneak off in the night now that you know Gabe will be all right.” She didn’t whisper. Indeed, her voice was rather loud.

I glanced past her to see everyone looking at me, yet not a single brow arched in question at her words. Only Petra, Huon and Daisy knew I had planned to leave. I’d not informed Alex, Willie or the professor.

“We told them,” Petra said, answering my unspoken question.

“And we’re not sorry about it,” Huon added. “Not even a little bit.”

Daisy squeezed my hand. “We won’t let you leave, Sylvia. While it’s a good idea in theory?—”

“No, it ain’t,” Willie said. “It’s a bad idea. A real bad one.”

Tilda, seated beside Willie, cleared her throat. “I’m glad to see you heeded my advice.”

Willie sniffed. “I’m used to Sylvia now, and I can’t be bothered getting to know another girl.”

“What about my father?” Perhaps it was foolish of me to bring him up, but I wanted to test if she truly had accepted me. “Are you no longer worried I’ll attract Melville Hendry into Gabe’s life?”

Willie fished what appeared to be a bullet out of her pocket. “I’m ready for Hendry. If he comes here and creates a paper storm, I’ll use this.” She unscrewed the top of the casing to reveal a small wheel. “An injured soldier I drove to a field hospital at the Somme gave me this pocket cigarette lighter. He made it from a used shrapnel shell when he was waiting around in the trenches.” She spun the small wheel with her thumb creating a spark that ignited the fuel inside the shell. “Fire beats paper. I win.”

Daisy squeezed my hand again, but before she could ask me if I still planned to leave, I asked Tilda how Gabe was. I wanted a professional opinion.

“He awoke briefly in the night, disoriented but well enough to tell me he was thirsty. Hopefully he’ll eat something this morning. Mrs. Ling is preparing him a steak. Red meat is what he needs now, and a lot of water.”

I released a breath. “That is good news.”

Daisy gave me a little push in the direction of the sideboard. “You need to eat, too. There aren’t any steaks, but there seems to be everything else. I haven’t eaten such a hearty breakfast since visiting my mother’s cousin before the war. His estate was enormous, and he had triple the servants we had.” She laughed, only to suddenly stop when she caught sight of Alex. “I never liked him much,” she added quickly. “His children are as dull as a muddy puddle and his wife likes to remind my mother how much better off they are than my parents. I wouldn’t care if I never saw any of them again.”

Without looking at her, Alex got up and joined me at the sideboard. He took a long time searching for the perfect rasher of bacon. I’d poured myself a cup of coffee, and spread butter and marmalade on my toast before he placed a single rasher on his plate.

I took the serving fork off him. “You can’t ignore her forever.”

His jaw firmed.

“You love her and she loves you. Being together is what matters. Whether you decide to cut her family out of your lives or educate them, it’s a decision you should make together. You can’t decide what’s best for her without consulting her.”

“Is that so,” he said with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“My situation is different. Gabe’s life is at stake.”

He put out his hand, asking for the serving fork back. “You’re going to go through with it, aren’t you?”

I pressed my lips together.

He sighed. “I know I should encourage you to stay, but I know that real love makes you want to put their well-being above your own, even when they don’t agree that it’s for their own good.” His gaze slid to Daisy seated at the table. She suddenly looked away, pretending she hadn’t been watching us. “It bloody well hurts when you can’t be together,” he went on in a murmur, “but sometimes one of us has to be strong enough for both and make the difficult decisions. Gabe would do the same for you, Sylvia, if your positions were reversed.”

He seemed to be waiting for me to tell him that Daisy would end their relationship if she was the reason for an estrangement from his family. But I couldn’t give him that assurance. Alex’s family made that scenario an impossible one to fathom. There was no comparison, as there would never be a situation in which his parents would deny him the woman he loved because they didn’t like the way she looked or what level of society she came from.

I handed him the serving fork and joined the others at the dining table. I sat beside Professor Nash, knowing he would have something to say to me. I got in first, however.

“I wanted to say goodbye in person, but the timing… I had to hurry.”

He pushed his glasses up his nose, but they immediately slipped down again because he didn’t look up from his plate.

“I would have written as soon as possible and enclosed my library key.”

“The key is unimportant. I don’t want to lose you, Sylvia.”

“You don’t need my help, Professor. There isn’t a great deal of work to do at the library, but if you feel as though you need an assistant, there will be many who would enjoy the job. There’s a shortage of employment opportunities now that all the men have come home, and it truly is a wonderfully peaceful place.”

“That isn’t the point, Sylvia.” The genial, even-tempered professor had never sounded so angry. Although his anger was mild when compared to Willie’s ferocious temper, it startled me more.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, dropping my hands to my lap. I was no longer hungry.

The professor used a knife and fork to cut his buttered toast into small squares, but he didn’t eat any of them. He didn’t apologize for his outburst. I’d hurt his feelings deeply, and that hurt mine.

The only way to fix things between us was to admit the real reason I didn’t make the effort to go to the library after packing my belongings. “I couldn’t face you,” I said.

He hesitated. “What do you mean?”

“I couldn’t be in the library, surrounded by all those wonderful books with a close connection to Gabe’s family, and have to say goodbye to someone who’s been like a father to me these last few months. It was too hard, and I’m a coward.”

He set the knife and fork down and placed his hand over mine. “You’re not a coward, Sylvia. I think the word you’re looking for is afraid. You’re very brave, but you’re not fearless. Few people are. Not even Willie, for all her swagger. In fact, I’d say the only people who are not afraid are those without feelings for others, because to care for someone is to fear for them, and to love them, sometimes without having that love reciprocated. Love and fear are inextricably bound together, and we mere humans can’t accept one without the other.” He shook my hand to draw my attention. I sat so still that he must have wondered if he’d got through to me.

My throat was tight, making my voice reedy. “You know that I’m still planning to leave to protect Gabe, don’t you?”

He gave me a grim smile. “Before you came downstairs, they told me you were kidnapped to lure him. Your kidnappers haven’t been caught, which means he’s still in danger. But there is no guarantee running away will stop them altogether. The only thing it guarantees is the unhappiness of two people.”

“He’ll move on.”

“Will he? To the outside world, he might appear as though he has, but he won’t. Not truly. Not in here.” He tapped his chest. “One day, perhaps years later, after thinking he has locked all thoughts of you away in a corner of his heart, a crack will develop. The memories will be released, a mere trickle at first, then they’ll come flooding out.” He gave my hand a firm pat and shifted closer to me in his urgency to get his point across. “You’re fortunate that you have not only found a grand love, but you have the opportunity to hold on to it. Take it, Sylvia. It’s not going away.”

He spoke from the heart, with an earnestness that I felt through our linked hands. I couldn’t dismiss such a passionate plea lightly, so I chose my next words with great care. “Gabe and I will both be deeply hurt, and perhaps that hurt will always be with us. But at least he’ll be safe.”

He sat back with a heavy sigh.

“Don’t tell him I still plan to go,” I said. “Or anyone else. Not yet.”

“You mean not until after you’ve left?”

“He’ll be all right. He’ll have his friends with him, and his parents will return from America soon. Hopefully they’ll help him find Thurlow and the Hobson women, and Stanley Greville, too.”

“Will you return once they’re arrested?”

I stared into my coffee cup. “There’ll always be people who want to study him and find a way to replicate his magic. And yes, I know there are others in his life that he cares about who could be used to lure him, but I will be seen as the easier target, the one he cares about most.” I shook my head emphatically. “I can’t be the weak link that makes him vulnerable. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him because of me.”

The professor picked up his fork and stabbed a square of toast. “I see you’ve made up your mind,” he said stiffly.

This was going to be harder than I expected.

“Prof, you strike me as a romantic.” Huon’s voice held a hint of humor, something we all badly needed at that moment. “We need your opinion.”

The professor blinked back at him through his spectacles. “A romantic? Oh no, no, no. I’ve not been… I don’t have…” He tugged on his cuff. “That is to say, women are a mystery to me.”

“And to me, although I’ve been with—” Huon cleared his throat, taking great pains not to look at Petra, seated beside him. “That is to say, women are a mystery worth solving.”

“Fun, too,” Willie said, winking at Tilda.

With a light blush to her cheeks, Tilda rose. “I’d better check on my patient.” She kissed Willie on the forehead and left.

“What’s your romantic dilemma that requires opinions?” I asked Huon.

“I want to know what grand gestures a fellow can do for the woman he admires above all others.” He still didn’t look at Petra, and I realized I was the only one who knew they’d spent the night together. Although Daisy was aware of their previous encounters and probably suspected Huon was speaking about Petra, she didn’t look her way either.

Petra tore off a corner of her toast and popped it in her mouth. She tore off another piece, and another, giving the toast her full attention.

“I am unable to advise you,” Professor Nash said. “Alex?”

Alex’s looked somewhat startled. “Ummm…”

“I was thinking of a public declaration,” Huon added.

“Of your admiration for her?” Willie shook her head. “The thing is, grand public gestures are for the one making them, they ain’t for the one receiving them.”

“What do you mean?” Daisy asked.

“The one making the gesture only does it publicly if they want everyone, not just the intended recipient , to think they’re wonderful. It doesn’t make her feel special because she knows it’s not about her, it’s about the one making the gesture. That’s why some men propose in a public place. Steer clear of those men, ladies. They’re seeking attention for themselves, which means they’re too selfish to love completely.”

Daisy nodded thoughtfully. “I always suspected you were wise, Willie.”

Willie looked a little surprised. “I’ve always suspected it, too.”

“After all, one doesn’t get to be as old as you and not learn a few things along the way.”

Alex snickered, which made Daisy smile.

Willie threw a sugar cube at him, but he caught it deftly and popped it into his coffee cup.

“Right, so no public declarations of love,” Huon said. “Understood. What about public gestures of another kind, that are not romantic in themselves, but she will appreciate nonetheless?” When he realized none of us followed his meaning, he elaborated. “What if I place an advertisement in a newspaper stating that pencils are better for sketching than ink, and that as an ink magician, I fully endorse Petra’s pencils which are available exclusively from her shop.”

Petra choked on a crumb of toast.

Huon turned to her. “Will that prove to you that I’m serious?” There was no humor in his voice anymore, just the cadence of a man trying to make a good impression on a woman he admired, perhaps even loved.

We all leaned forward in anticipation of her response.

“He’s awake.” Tilda’s words, spoken from the doorway, caused a flurry of activity.

Willie was the first one out of the dining room. I thought Alex might be next, but he hung back. I had no intention of seeing Gabe, so I remained in the dining room, too. As Huon passed him, Alex caught his arm.

“Your families don’t get on, do they?” He nodded at Petra, already out of the dining room and heading for the staircase. Daisy walked by her side. “Putting an advertisement in the newspaper supporting her family’s magic will disappoint your own. I know you haven’t had a close relationship with your father in the past, but do you really want to be cut off now when you’ve recently got back into his good books?”

Huon’s lips curved with a knowing smile. “She’s worth it.”

“It’s a lot to give up. Are you sure?”

“If my family can’t accept her, and accept that I love her, then losing them is a sacrifice I’m willing to make. That’s what love means, Alex. It means making a sacrifice when necessary and making it willingly. If someone is prepared to do that for you, then it’s pointless trying to oppose them because it means they are very much in love with you.” Huon’s gaze followed Petra and Daisy, climbing the stairs. “You may as well embrace her sacrifice, my friend. She’s not going to change her mind.” He rather ruined the lovely sentiment by adding, “Once a woman’s mind is made up, it’s almost impossible to get her to change it.”

Huon left, and Alex went to follow him, but seemed to notice me for the first time. “Coming, Sylvia?”

“You go on. I need to speak to Bristow.”

I found Bristow in the basement service rooms, instructing Murray on how to present Gabe’s breakfast on the tray.

“I know how to do it,” Murray growled.

Bristow slapped his hands together behind his back, the only sign that Murray’s retort annoyed him.

He spotted me and welcomed me into the kitchen. He used to dislike it when I called on the servants during my visits. He’d been raised in a time when social hierarchy was the loom on which the fabric of society was woven, and he was struggling to adapt to the more fluid landscape of the postwar era. Although Gabe had told me his household had never been formal, Bristow had been in service for years before Gabe’s father moved into the Park Street house, and his English relatives had been aristocratic to their core.

Mrs. Bristow gave me a soft smile that had all of her wrinkles crinkling. “Perhaps Miss Ashe would like to take Mr. Glass his breakfast.”

I stepped back when Murray tried to pass the tray to me. “No, I’m not going there directly.”

Mrs. Bristow’s face fell. She and Mrs. Ling shared a frown.

“Bristow, did Cyclops leave some things here for me?” I asked.

“He did, Miss Ashe.” He glanced at his wife.

Her smile of encouragement was fleeting, but I noticed it.

I was about to ask if there was a problem when Bristow offered to take me to my cases.

“Couldn’t Murray just bring them to my room after he delivers Gabe’s breakfast?” I indicated the footman as he left carrying the tray.

Either Bristow didn’t hear me or he pretended not to. He simply asked me to follow him.

I cast a frown back at Mrs. Bristow and Mrs. Ling then followed the butler out of the kitchen. His gait was slow, particularly up the staircase, but we eventually reached the floor with the main bedrooms.

“If the cases are already in my room, there’s no need for you to accompany me,” I told him.

Again, he either didn’t hear me or pretended not to.

As we approached Gabe’s room, chatter spilled out through the open door to the passageway. A number of voices spoke over each other, all of them telling Gabe about the events of yesterday. He must be feeling much better, otherwise Nurse Tilda would have sent everyone out so he could continue to rest.

Hopefully with everyone crowding around and his breakfast now delivered, Gabe would be too distracted to see me sneak past his door to get to the guest bedroom.

Bristow stopped, however, ensuring we were visible from Gabe’s room. The butler announced me before I could move around him.

All conversations ceased. Everyone turned to me, parting so that I had a clear line of sight to Gabe, sitting up in bed. If he was pleased to see me, he didn’t show it. He scowled and crooked his finger, beckoning me.

“I want to talk to you, Sylvia.”