Page 75 of The Interview

I’m stunned into silence by my husband’s admission, which doesn’t happen often.

“Rock Star,” I eventually whisper around the huge ball of emotion currently filling my entire chest.

“Love you, baby,” he says as he turns to me, and I just can’t with this man leaving me with no choice but to lean in and kiss him again.

“I’m gonna suck and fuck you so hard when we get home,” I tell him with my mouth pressed against his ear.

“You’re mic’d, remember? I think we all got that,” the sound bloke, Tim or Tom, calls out. “Some of us are going home to a Pot Noodle and our right hand, so thanks for that.”

I press the top of my head into Marley’s chest as my cheeks burn.

“So, you stayed? Kissed and made up?” Daniel asks.

“Absolutely fucking not,” Marley replies as I turn and face forward. “I literally had to crawl to the door. Went straight to my brother’s because my place was still trashed and smelt of decomposing chicken. At the time, I had no idea where Georgia and Mac’s new place was, so, yeah, I went to Len’s.”

“Then he spent the following week being an absolute pest. Kept buzzing at my front door, begging me to open it. I didn’t let him in. Jim and Len’s wedding was coming up on the Saturday, and I knew I’d see him there with my date,” I say, wearing a cheesy grin.

“Oh, yeah. Her date,” Marley says with a slow nod.

I roll and press my lips together tightly in an attempt not to laugh.

“Let me tell you about her date,” he continues.

“Eight feet tall, six feet wide. Looked like he ate whole cows in a pie for breakfast, then used their baby calves as a toothpick. In fact,” he adds dramatically, “I swear he had the remains of a hoof stuck between his teeth.”

I roll my eyes yet again at my husband’s overly exaggerated response.

“And get this, the bloke’s name was actually Dan. I kid you not: Dan the Cow Pie Eating Man.”

“It really was,” Jim confirms.

“Oh, my God, I’d forgotten all about him,” Georgia adds.

“I fucking haven’t. Bloke still haunts my dreams. Or should I say nightmares?”

“Marls,” Cam calls out, cutting him off. “How is it, right now, we have Georgia and Lu in the room, and yet you’re the most dramatic one here?”

That causes a collective ripple of laughter.

“Fuck off, big man. He would’ve made a snack out of you,” Marley tells him.

“Wait till Cam hears what he did. He won’t waste his time turning him into a snack. The geezer’ll be fish food at the bottom of the Thames,” Len adds.

“Okay, you’ve got my attention. What did he do?” Cam asks.

“I tried talking to her again and again to apologise.”

“I wasn’t about to let him off that easy. Not right then, anyway,” I admit.

“And because it was Len and Jim’s wedding, I didn’t wanna cause a scene,” Marley goes on.

“Oh, but you did.” Now it’s Jimmie to interrupt him.

“What the fuck? Did Cow Pie Dan leave me any choice? No, so you can all shut your cake holes!” Marley argues.

“Would that be wedding cake holes?” Cam asks, always ready with the dad jokes. This one’s greeted with a collective groan from everyone in the room.

“Yes, exactly,” Marls, also a connoisseur of the dad jokes these days, agrees. “Anyway, I keep my distance and let everyone enjoy their night, until I’m standing at the bar with Maca, chatting shit while we watch the girls dance. Then Dan appears from nowhere, grabs George by the arm, yanks her away from Ash, and slings her across the dance floor. Then he grabs Ash by the arse cheeks and pulls her against him. I don’t know who moves first, Mac or me, but by the time we reach the girls, G has him by the hair and is holding his head still while Ash clocks him one on the jaw.”