Page 66 of The Impossible Fortune

‘What has this got to do with the Thursday Murder Club?’ Patrice asks.

‘We circulate the screenshot from the CCTV,’ continues Chris. ‘And a DI in Worthing gets in touch and says, I know this guy, Johnny Jacks, record as long as your arm, muscle for hire, GBH, all sorts, so off we go and talk toJohnny Jacks. He’s quiet, as they always are. Never heard of Watkins, never heard of Rye, only reluctantly admits he’s heard of milk. We search his car, and there’s a receipt for a petrol station just outside Rye, and there’s a hammer covered in Watkins’s DNA.’

‘There was even an empty milk bottle,’ says Donna.

‘So we arrest him, we charge him, he’s on remand, and when he comes to trial he’s going to prison for a long time. And all because we figured that the sort of man who’d murder in cold blood is also the sort of man who’d steal a bottle of milk from a doorstep.’

‘Congratulations,’ says Patrice. ‘That’s terrific work.’

‘Thank you,’ says Chris. ‘But I tell this story for one reason only. This year I’ve been involved in eight murder investigations. Solved five of them, know who did two of them but I’m still looking for evidence. A lot of hard work, a lot of wrong turns, a lot of late nights. But in that time, not once have I been visited by any pensioners demanding information from me, hiding evidence from me, intellectually undermining me, or in any other way interfering in any murder investigation. And, I’ll be honest, I haven’t missed it, and I haven’t missed them.’

Chris sits back. He looks exhausted. Point made.

Donna and Patrice look at each other.

‘Yeah, you have,’ says Patrice.

‘You have,’ agrees Donna.

‘Donna,’ says Chris, ‘you do Elizabeth’s bidding if you want. But I’m made of stronger stuff. I’m a good investigator – I don’t need the Thursday Murder Club to help me.’

‘What if they need you to help them?’ Donna asks.

‘They never need me to help them,’ says Chris.

Matter closed.

‘Anyway, he’s too busy shooting guns with the boys,’ says Patrice.

‘There’s a woman there too,’ protests Chris.

‘Let me guess,’ says Donna. ‘You all underestimated her and it turned out she’s the best shot of the lot of you?’

‘I don’t want to be gendered about it,’ says Chris. ‘But she’s actually coming joint twelfth out of fifteen.’

‘And where are you?’ Donna asks.

‘Also joint twelfth,’ says Chris. ‘I’d be eighth, but I shot a mum pushing a pram instead of a terrorist.’

MONDAY

35

Bogdan has insisted on driving them and waiting outside.

Joyce honestly can’t see the point. ‘We could have got a taxi, Bogdan. You don’t need to give up your morning for us.’

‘I wait,’ says Bogdan. ‘In case he kills you.’

‘He’s not going to kill us,’ says Joyce. ‘He’s a lord.’

‘What about Lord Lucan?’ says Bogdan. ‘He killed someone. I saw a documentary.’

‘I once met Lord Lucan,’ says Elizabeth.

‘How long before the murder?’ asks Bogdan.

‘Oh, it was after the murder,’ says Elizabeth, at which point Bogdan turns into the driveway of Headcorn Hall.