Page 34 of The Homemaker (The Chain of Lakes #1)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Murphy

The heart has an infinite capacity.

Sometimes we wish it didn’t.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, quickly swiping at a tear on her cheek.

“Don’t.” I shake my head, sitting back on my heels as my hands slide off the sofa. “Don’t apologize.”

“He drowned.” She tips her head to the ceiling and closes her eyes while taking a long breath. “And I was?—”

My phone chimes. “Fuck,” I mumble, pulling it from my pocket.

“Blair is looking for you?”

I stare at the screen and nod.

“Thank you for taking me to urgent care.”

I type a quick reply and slide my phone back into my pocket. “I don’t have to go yet. Keep talking.”

“I think …” She turns and stares out the window.

“Perhaps we’ve said everything there is to say.

I lost a lot. And maybe you did too. But we’ve moved on.

” Her gaze returns to me. “Sometimes I get lost in what might have been, but it only keeps me from moving forward. You said it yourself. Sometimes the only way to move on is to actually move. If my being here is too much, even just for the summer, I’ll leave.

It was never my intention to turn your life upside down. Not then. Not now.”

I stand and drag a hand through my hair. “Worst timing,” I mumble.

“Us?” A smile plays along her lips as I nod. “What if it’s perfect timing?”

I grunt my objection to her “what if.”

She drops her gaze, picking at the edge of the bandage around her finger. “When Chris died, I didn’t cry. Not a single tear. Everything inside of me rejected the idea that he was gone. And when that no longer worked, I pretended he never existed. No love. No death.”

I slide my hands into my pockets, resisting the urge to touch her and comfort her.

“My parents were worried I wasn’t facing the truth.

” She laughs. “As usual, they were right. But I didn’t see it.

All I saw were people telling me what to think and how to feel, so I left.

Drove all night and ended up in Minneapolis.

I spent the night at a hotel and decided to find a rental. I found you.”

Maybe she’s right. We’ve said all that needs to be said. Everything else feels like torture.

“What if I needed you to help me breathe again?” she asks.

“That’s not how it felt the night your parents took you away from me. ”

Alice frowns. “I know,” she whispers. “And I know this feels like terrible timing to see me again, but what if it’s what you need to really move on? Get married. Be happy. You said you needed closure. Now, you have it.”

I have it? Is she joking? This isn’t closure.

I don’t look at her and think how lucky I am to have dodged that bullet.

It’s no longer about the past. I don’t want to make the wrong fucking choice for my future.

What if I can’t exist in this world knowing she’s here, baking bread, dancing to oldies on vinyls, and flirting with rich, married men?

It’s been eight years, and I haven’t really let her go. And now I have a chance, but all I want to do is hold her tighter than ever before. Yet, these feelings somehow coexist with my love for Blair, and it makes no sense, but it’s my truth. My truth feels like punishment.

“I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through,” I say.

Alice swallows and offers a sad smile. “Thank you. I’m fine now. Really. And I’m thankful that fate, God, whatever has brought us here.” Her smile stretches a bit more into something hopeful. “I think I’ve needed closure too.”

“Finding me engaged to Blair is closure?”

She averts her gaze for a beat, a tiny line forming between her eyebrows. “Finding you happy and in love is …” Her fingers blot the corners of her eyes. “All that I ever wanted for you.”

I wish I could share a similar sentiment, but I can’t.

Not truthfully. My wants are more selfish.

They involve going back in time and changing something.

What? I don’t know. Had it not been raining.

Had I not braked at that exact moment. Had we not hydroplaned.

Then what? She wouldn’t have been triggered.

We would have returned to my place and spent the night making love until she had to leave the next day.

But then she would have returned to me. Right?

“Why did the car hydroplaning trigger you?”

She eyes me for a second, lips corkscrewed. And just as her lips part to speak, there’s a knock on the glass door. Our heads turn in that direction at the same time. Blair smiles and waves before sliding it open.

“Oh, my goodness. How are you feeling?” She steps inside and slips off her red flats.

“I’m okay,” Alice says, holding up her hand with the bandaged finger.

“It’s actually quite embarrassing. No stitches, just glue.

Thank goodness. But I don’t do well seeing my own blood.

” Her nose scrunches. “And I’m sorry about the kitchen.

I’m actually fine now. If I wear latex gloves, I can clean up the mess. ”

“No, no.” Blair shakes her head while sliding her arm around my waist. “I just cleaned it up. My parents will never know.”

I don’t know why it surprises me that Blair did that, but it does. It shouldn’t. I’m marrying her for many reasons, and one of them is her generosity.

“I can’t thank you enough,” Alice says, with the same flicker of shock on her face.

“Is there anything else I can do for you? Have you had dinner? I can make you something or order food to be delivered?” Blair asks.

“Uh,” Alice shakes her head and smiles, “no. I’m fine. Really. But thank you. I’ve taken up enough of your night by stealing Murphy to drive me to urgent care. Go. Don’t waste another minute thinking about me.”

Easier said than done.

“Well, you know where to find us if you change your mind.” Blair laces her fingers with mine. And I hate it. I also hate that I hate it.

Alice’s gaze lands on our hands for a few seconds, and when she notices me looking at her, she quickly glances away. “Thanks again,” she murmurs.

As Blair pulls me toward the sliding door, I wait for Alice to look at me, again, but she doesn’t.

Closure my ass.

“You, Murphy Paddon, are a good man. The best,” Blair says, hugging my arm as we walk to the main house.

“Thanks. It was pretty hard work driving her to the urgent care and then back home. But the warrior in me just came out.”

She giggles. “So sexy. Let’s talk more about this warrior. I might need you to save me before the end of the night.”

As soon as we step inside the back door, she wraps her arms around me and kisses me with an open mouth. I love her. I really do. And what guy doesn’t like it when his girl gets turned on by his imaginary super powers?

She grabs my hands and places them on her ass without breaking our kiss. Then she teases my dick with the heel of her hand. It stirs like waking a teenager at six a.m. on a Saturday morning. And like a parent frustrated with said teenager for not getting up, Blair breaks our kiss and frowns.

“What’s going on, baby?”

“Nothing,” I say.

She grunts a laugh. “Well, yes. I gather nothing is going on. My concern is why?”

Why am I only getting a partial erection for her? That’s such a good question and an embarrassing situation.

“I don’t like the idea of your parents potentially walking in on us while you’re stroking my dick. ”

Yep. This is a perfect example of what a good guy (the best) I am. When I can’t stop thinking about another woman, I blame my fiancée for putting her hand on my dick in the wrong room of the house.

“My parents will come in through the basement. We’ll hear them.” She shakes her head. “What is your deal? You’ve been so off lately. Literally a few hours ago, while my parents were still here, you were ready to jump me in the bedroom. But now you’re in super cautious stealth mode?”

How do I explain that earlier I wanted to fuck her to forget about Alice, but now I can’t fuck her because I know forgetting about Alice tonight is no longer possible?

Then I think about her cleaning up the kitchen after Alice’s accident, and I feel extra guilty. So yeah, I’m going to figure out how to get the job done using her kitchen generosity as mental foreplay.

I scoop her up in my arms, and she squeals. Then I carry her to the bedroom to make love to my fiancée like it’s a chore to check off my to-do list.