Page 105 of The Holidays with Mr. Mitchell

They lunged.

And just like that, I had two monkeys tying me up and slapping a bow on my damn chest.

I stared at both of them, laughing like idiots, and before I could say another word, they dragged me across the lawn toward the RV.

“You don’t need to fucking drag me into that contraption,” I said. “Avery’s due back any minute with takeout, and she’s going to kick your asses for making her husband disappear on the night her party got canceled.”

“Trust me, she’ll love watching the videos your surveillance is catching,” Jake said. “She’ll forgive us. Hell, she’ll probably stop crying over her canceled party, too.”

“That’s for damn sure,” Collin said, trying to start the RV.

“You think this piece of shit is really going to start again?” I questioned, shocked that it managed the hill on my driveway.

“Just sit back, Jimmy. You’ll see,” Collin said as he kept cranking on the RV and stomping the gas pedal. “Come on, sweetie. Daddy needs you to fire up again.”

“Sweetie?” I choked out a laugh.

“Gotta sweet-talk these old ladies,” Collin said, still cranking on the starter.

“You’re going to flood it,” Jake said, eyeing Collin as he kept pressing the gas, but the engine still wouldn’t turn over.

“Come on, baby,” Collin said through his teeth, frustration apparent now.

I smiled, watching the plan fall apart right in front of my eyes.

“You’re too frustrated,” Jake said. “Speak to her as if she were your lover.”

“Right. Fuck,” Collin said. “I’m being too forceful and demanding.”

“Exactly,” Jake said. “God, tell me you’re not like this with Laney in the bedroom.”

“Depends, really,” Collin said. “Sometimes when it’s?—”

“Can we call this shit what it is? A failed prank. Now, can you please untie me?”

“Oh, hell no,” Jake said. “We’ll hire a team of people to push this old gal to our destination if we have to.”

“Wait. There it is, baby,” Collin said softly as the engine tried to turn. “You like that, don’t you?”

“Mmm, the sweet spot,” Jake nodded.

“You both are sick fucks,” I said.

The engine coughed, sputtered, and then finally roared to life. The goddamn thing was loud enough to wake the neighborhood. A plume of black smoke filled the air, and I had no idea what to expect next.

“Where the hell are we going anyway?” I asked, bracing as we lurched forward. “I’m not sure this thing will make it out of the driveway.”

“Oh, once her engine gets running—” Jake started.

“Purring,” Collin corrected him.

“Right,” Jake patted the cracked dashboard. “She’s a dream out on the highway.”

“And don’t you go falling in love with it, either, big guy,” Collin said.

I ignored the dumbasses in the front and glanced out the cracked window. I felt my stomach drop when we eventually merged onto the freeway, straight to the 101—the route from the Hollywood Hills to downtown and toward Paramount Studios.

I exhaled a laugh, shaking my head. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You two dipshits are taking me to Avery’s party that wassupposed to be canceled, aren’t you?”