Page 69 of The Harder We Fall

“That’s right, baby girl,” Sam says. “Aunty Claire and your Nanna, the most beautiful angels in heaven.”

I reach for Sam’s hand, giving it a squeeze. I know how badly he wishes his mum could have met Hope. That she could have been a part of the amazing life we live, right there in the same house where she raised him. It’s a vastly different life from the one she and Sam shared. There are family outings and dinners with friends. Play dates at home and holidays at the beach.

We’re both determined to give Hope a big, wide world to explore. Even when Sam isn’t always comfortable being out in it. Even when I want to bundle her up in cotton wool to keep her safe.

Sam wraps his arms around me now, our daughter the squishy, giggling filling in our family sandwich. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, grateful for everything I have. My husband. Our daughter. The son who’s due to be born next month. I hope he has Sam’s smile and his courage.

Hope squirms in my arms and I place her gently on the ground where she crouches down for a closer look at Claire’s flowers.

“All right?” Sam asks, his hand taking hold of mine.

I nod, a smile on my face despite the thickness in my throat. “I’m glad you’re here,” I say, sliding an arm around his waist. “I love you.”

His grin is wide, and he leans in for a brief kiss before hugging me tight. “I love you, with everything I am.”

We stay there for a long moment, holding on to each other the way we always do, in good times and bad.

When we finally part, I swipe the moisture from my cheeks and then turn to smile at Hope. “I think it’s time for cake,” I tell her. “What do you say?”

She jumps up, bouncing on the spot. “Yes, yes, yes.”

We walk back towards the car. Sam and I each hold one of Hope’s small hands. As we leave, I’m overcome by the notion that this is the life Claire would have wanted for me. One filled with love and family and meaning.

This is the life she believes I deserve. And I’m living it—one precious heartbeat at a time.