Page 7 of The Hard Way (The Kinky Bank Robbers #5)

Chapter Six

There’s more to a fake nose than just the nose part. A fake nose has a large ruffle of fake skin around it, and the challenge is to smooth enough makeup over the ruffle to hide where it meets your real skin. You have to use special, really thick makeup for it, and fuck, it itches!

Thor applied my new nose in the back seat of one of the cars we’d rented at the Chicago airport—the nose was in place by the time we’d passed through Pewaukee, Wisconsin, and by the time we’d hit Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, the thing was driving me insane—almost as insane as the Michael Jackson songs they kept finding on the radio.

But I’d do whatever it took. I was now Jackie Trent, insurance investigations manager from Allied National of Omaha.

In addition to the nose, I wore brown contact lenses, a brown-haired wig, large glasses, and a new lady business suit.

It was hard to get used to something so structured after the stretchy wraparound dresses I’d been wearing in Rome.

Zeus and Thor and Odin wore less awesome clothes, too.

In Rome I’d been dressing them in beautiful Italian suits like my personal trio of superhot Ken dolls.

Now they were low-rent Midwestern businessman Ken dolls in cheap suits, but it made me love them all the more.

They were coming back with me. Home with me.

Insurance investigation subcontractors—that was our job. We made business cards in Chicago and everything. We paid a ne’er-do-well pal from Guvvey’s to answer a burner phone as Allied National in case anybody actually called the number on the business card.

Zeus had a military buzz cut, wire-rim glasses, and a temporary Marine Corps tattoo.

His fake name was Marcus Dormand. Thor had put his beautiful hair in a small ponytail and put in really dark contacts, giving him the type of dark brown eyes now that looked like pure pupil.

We gave him long stick-on sideburns and an earring.

He was Henry Simonette, our hipster intern.

Odin, as insurance investigator Max Rayborne, had aged himself, adding gray to his hair and he wore the ugliest glasses we could find at a Racine, Wisconsin, drugstore, but of course, he still looked hot. Odin was like the eighth wonder of the world in that way. A mysterious vortex of hotness.

Being that I was not a mysterious vortex of hotness, my ugly glasses actually did degrade my looks, but they effectively obscured the makeup line around the fake nose.

“I’m the ugly duckling with three swans,” I said.

“You’re beautiful to us, goddess,” Thor said.

“And you get to play the boss,” Zeus said.

It was true. According to our cards, they were insurance investigators, and I managed them.

We rented a second car, which Thor drove alone, and headed on toward ground zero of my childhood.

We passed through the towns I’d always heard of tornados going through, followed by towns my high school used to play in sports tournaments.

Soon we hit Okanakee, Wisconsin, two towns over from Baylortown .

The edge of Okanakee was basically a Walmart with a lot of fast-food places leading up to it. It was definitely a far cry from Rome. After that was the historic town itself, old brick buildings that had knickknack stores, hairdressers, and taverns in them.

Then we got to the main residential street, Oak Street, which was lined with stately old trees and lovely—though somewhat decrepit—older homes. American flags waved from flagpoles sticking out of porches here and there.

Margie Mason’s Bed he hadn’t been sleeping well without cupids staring him down from every angle.

His demons were coming back—that’s what Thor and Zeus had been saying lately. That was how they explained his backslide.

“I feel like they’re watching me,” Odin said .

I pushed him onto the bed and crawled over him, blocking out the view of the ceiling. “Is this better?”

“Much.”

I removed his glasses and kissed him.

He ran his hand over the side of my ribs. “How is it feeling?”

“Way better, just like the last zillion times you asked.” It had been over a week since the injury, and it really was getting better. “No more asking.”

“I’ll ask as much as I want, goddess.”

“Watch out—if you ask again, I might punish you!” I pressed his hands down onto the bed. “I’ll sexually torture you. I’ll sexually torture you until you’re begging me to stop. I will have you panting and begging, that’s how badly I will sexually torture you—”

“Oh!” Margie was standing at the door with a stack of towels. “The towels you wanted, Mr. Cleveland.”

I jumped off.

She averted her eyes and set them on the dresser.

“We were just kidding around,” I said.

She smiled brightly and left, shutting the door behind her.

I went and locked it, mentally reviewing what part of I’ll sexually torture you until you’re begging me to stop.

I will have you panting and begging, that’s how badly I will sexually torture you she probably heard.

I turned to Odin and mouthed the word FUCK .

He put his hands over his face, but I kind of suspected he was trying not to laugh.

“Fuck!” I whispered, aloud this time.

Odin eyed me. “What kind of person are you, Jackie Trent? You’re barely settled in, and already you’re threatening one of your subordinates with sexual torture? And what about poor Max Dormand?”

“Do you not think she believed me that I was kidding?”

“No, Jackie. You were very convincing. ”

“Stop it!” I collapsed on the bed next to him. “How am I ever going to face her at breakfast now?”

He turned and propped himself up on his elbow. “At least you made me forget about the cherub eyes.”

There was another knock.

“Yeah?”

“Let me in.” Thor.

I leaped up and opened the door. He walked in and scanned around at the cherubs. “She really doesn’t want people fucking in here.”

“It didn’t stop Jackie Trent,” Odin said. “Jackie was already threatening to sexually torture me. Even Margie witnessed it.”

“What?”

“It’s so not funny,” I said.

“Corporate America is really getting crazy these days,” Thor said. “It’s sad what bosses will do these days.”

I hit him, and he pulled me to him and kissed me.

“I should sexually torture you just for making fun of me. Because it’s so not funny.” I snatched Thor’s phone from his hands. “Is it charged up?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take a lot of pictures.”

Thor had set up an appointment to go out to the farm and actually interview my sister Vanessa about the case.

We needed the story from my sisters before we went after Andy.

Vanessa had been a little reluctant to agree to the meeting—she’d told her side of the story to the main insurance people already, as well as the FDA, the police, and the paper, but insurance investigator intern Henry Simonette could be amazingly convincing.

“I can’t believe you’ll actually be there. You’ll walk in that door. You’ll sit at our kitchen table with Vanessa. She must feel so desperate.”

Thor nodded.

“And even though there’s no way she was criminally negligent like they’re saying, I can promise you she feels guilty about that guy dying.

Probably hauntedly guilty. And so scared.

” I felt sick, thinking about how upset she must be.

We’d looked into the case a bit more and learned that if a jury found that she’d intentionally sold bad cheese, she could go to jail for years.

She’d endured so much already, it was unimaginable.

And Kaitlin and Candace would have lost two sisters.

“I want you to look at everything, memorize everything. But be nice. They’ve been through so much—”

“I have it under control, baby. I know what you’re thinking, but you have to stop. We’re going to keep your sister out of jail.”

“Okay,” I said.

“And if it seems safe, we’ll take you by on our way out. So you can see.”

“This is enough of a risk,” I said. “We’ll make Andy confess and tell why he’s lying and then leave, just like we planned.”

“I know it’s hard to be near your sisters and not see them,” Odin said.

“Oh well.” I bit back the tears and scooted around to be in back of Thor.

I made myself busy taking his hair out of the ponytail binder.

It really was best that Thor was going rather than Zeus or Odin.

My sisters would find him cute and unthreatening.

I arranged his blond hair around his shoulders. They’d always loved the band Hanson.

We headed down and found Zeus waiting for us in the living room with Margie. He came over and kissed me. “I was telling her about our vacation in Mexico.”

“Awesome!” I linked my arm into his.

Margie shot me a stern look.

Erp . Did she think I was literally threatening Odin with sexual torture, or did she just think we were having an affair?

“Also, she suggests the Cobblestone Supper Club for steaks,” Zeus continued. “I got directions.”

“Steaks sound great,” Odin said .

I actually knew all about the Cobblestone Supper Club; it was a local fancy place. The most elegant restaurant in Baylortown.

Thor pulled out his phone and punched in the address and took off.

“Ready, honey?” Zeus asked.

I took his hand. “Thanks for the recommendation,” I said.

Margie simply nodded.