Page 42

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

SUTTON

Every day that went by without Atlas choosing us over his fears was another day in which I lost a little more faith that what Laurel and Quinn had said might possibly be true.

Fortunately, my daughter had kept me occupied all weekend, so I couldn’t dwell on the fact that the singular man I’d ever loved couldn’t be bothered to put up a little fight for me.

Yesterday, we’d visited every antique store and flea market within a fifty-mile radius before grabbing dinner at the sushi place she loved.

It had been well after dark by the time we’d gotten back.

But instead of retreating to her cozy bedroom in Atlas’s house, she’d stayed in the cottage.

Thankfully, my mattress had been high enough off the floor that it hadn’t been ruined in the flood, so she’d slept with me, reminding me of when we’d done that when she was younger.

We set up her laptop between us and binged the latest serial killer documentary before finally falling asleep at 3 a.m. But her activities hadn’t stopped there.

She’d filled today as well, making me try on every piece of clothing I owned that hadn’t been ruined and make piles to keep or donate.

Four hours later, I was exhausted and just wanted to veg for a while.

“Seriously, Lolo, I love you so much. You are the light of my life. But for the love of god, I don’t want to do anything . I just want to sit and eat chips and scroll through mindless nonsense on my phone. Can we do that? Please ?” I asked, collapsing into one of the lawn chairs in the living room.

She blew out a long sigh and took a seat next to me.

“Fine. I was just trying to get your mind off this shithole you call a home.”

“First of all, I didn’t call it a home. You’re not here, so at best, it’s four walls and a roof. And second, it’s not that bad.”

“Are you kidding? It’s worse than the apartment in Schenectady.”

I thought back to that place—the first apartment I’d rented on my own after scoring my first contract.

I hadn’t even started paying off student loans, so I couldn’t afford much.

There was no denying it had been a dump.

“I can see the resemblance with the lack of finished walls,” I said, glancing around.

“But I think it’s cute in here.”

Laurel rolled her eyes.

“Be for real, Mom. You think sitting on lawn chairs with a plastic tablecloth covering the subfloor is cute ?”

“Well, it’s better than the alternative.”

Laurel tipped her head to the side and raised a brow at me.

“Is it, though?”

“Is it better than living with a guy who decimated my heart?” I asked.

“Yeah, I think so. He’s just like all the rest, except this time I got in too deep.”

“I thought I told you, Atlas is different.”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel very different from where I’m sitting.”

“Give it a little bit and keep an open mind,” she said, throwing back words I’d told her countless times when we’d first moved here.

“Those words sound familiar.”

“Yeah, well, they worked, didn’t they? I love it here in this stupid little town with too many fucking festivals. Where else could we possibly live where I could go to the library for a study group, swing by a book club meeting while there, and buy a vibrator from the local sex toy dealer?”

“Oh no,” I said, shaking my head.

“Please do not let Mabel talk you into her special this month. You need to start small, Lolo. Maybe a bullet vibe?—”

“Jesus, Mom, I didn’t literally buy a sex toy. It was just an example.”

I blew out a breath and sank back into my chair.

“Okay, well, I’m just saying… Masturbation is totally normal, and it’s fine if you want to explore—healthy, even. And there are definitely worse places to get a toy hookup than from Mabel.”

She stared at me for several long moments, her expression broadcasting loudly just how little she wanted to be discussing this with me.

“Okay, well. I’ve had enough of this conversation. And I’ve also had enough of this depressing-ass construction zone.” She stood and held out a hand to me.

“Come on.”

I placed my hand in hers and allowed her to pull me up.

“Where are we going?”

“Don’t worry about it. We’re just leaving these four walls and a roof for a little bit.”

My shoulders sagged, and I blew out a deep sigh to the ceiling.

As much as I wanted to do what I’d just told her—namely, a whole lot of nothing —I couldn’t deny that this was sort of helping.

These were the first two days in many when my heart didn’t feel like it was constantly being pulverized, and that was solely because of Laurel’s distractions.

Unfortunately, I knew as soon as I lay in bed tonight, alone, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, I would sink right back into that heartache.

The one that had been a constant companion since I’d walked out Atlas’s door and he hadn’t stopped me.

Laurel grabbed her coat before tugging it on and stepping outside into the chilly early-November evening.

Slipping on my jacket as well, I trailed after her, having no idea what her current plan was but knowing I’d follow her wherever she led.

“Lolo, what are we—” I stopped short in our trek across the backyard when I spotted Atlas pacing at the back door, Pandora perched on his shoulder.

He stopped mid-step, his gaze locked on me, drinking me in as if he’d been starved for the sight of me.

“What’s happening right now?” I whispered to Laurel without taking my gaze off the man I loved with my entire soul.

And with how my heart thundered at just the sight of him, every cell in my body seeming to recognize him as home , there was absolutely no denying that was where I was.

Where I still was, no matter how much I’d wished otherwise these past two weeks.

She hooked her arm through mine and tipped her head to rest on my shoulder.

“Remember what I said—just keep an open mind, okay? I meant it when I told you he’s not like all the other ones. And I think you know that too.” She squeezed my arm once before stepping away, jingling my keys at me.

“I’m stealing your car to stay at Cami’s tonight. And when I get back tomorrow, my parents better not still be fighting.”

“Your par?—”

“I said what I said!” she yelled, cutting me off before shutting the driver’s side door.

With a quick wave, she pulled out of the driveway, and then it was just Atlas and me and this chasm between us.

Even the distance I tried desperately to maintain didn’t deter him.

He ate up the space between us, his gait purposeful, determined.

But I had come to see behind the facade he put on for everyone else.

I immediately noticed the tension around his eyes, the lines bracketing his mouth, the uncharacteristic way he ran a hand through his hair as if he couldn’t help it.

And I realized with a start that he was…

nervous. Atlas —aka the Mountain—was nervous to talk to me?

Once he stood only an arm’s length away, he darted his gaze all over my face, soaking in every bit of me as if he couldn’t get enough.

As if he’d been lost without me.

“I’ve missed you,” he said on an exhale.

Then he immediately grimaced.

“Shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that yet.”

Seeing this giant of a man who was normally unshakable stumble through his words was pretty damn endearing, no matter how tender my heart was.

“Did Laurel tell you not to start with that when you enlisted her help?”

“She volunteered,” he said.

“Actually, she threatened me with bodily harm if I didn’t get my shit together and fix this.”

Despite myself, I breathed out a laugh.

“Sounds like her. And Pandora?”

He reached up and scratched the kitten where she was curled up on his shoulder, like that little curve against his neck was better than any plush bed could have been.

I remembered that curve, remembered how solid and sure it had always felt beneath me, and I couldn’t say I didn’t agree with her.

“She’s been my emotional support, but she’s a shitty listener. Claws the fuck out of me if I’m not completely focused on her. Hopefully she lets me say what I need to.”

I studied him in the quiet night, unsure if I should guard my heart or hear him out.

Unsure if I could handle choosing wrong.

This man had already hurt me once, and I didn’t know if I was strong enough to go through that again.

But from the way he was looking at me, like I was his whole fucking world, hope bloomed bright in my chest. So, I took a leap.

“What do you need to say?”

His shoulders sagged on a relieved exhale.

“I fucked up,” he said without hesitation.

“I know I fucked up, but I didn’t know how to fix it. For a while, I wasn’t even sure I should. I really did want you to go to Boston if that was what you wanted.”

Tears clogged my throat, the reminder of him so willing to let me go just as painful now as it had been the day we’d fought.

“And I just wanted you to tell me to stay.”

He made a rough sound in the back of his throat, the pain I was feeling reflected in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. Like I said, I fucked up. But I still wouldn’t have given you what you wanted.” He stepped up to me, running a callused finger from my temple to my jaw, my entire body lighting up at the soft touch.

“I never want to hold you back, trouble. Never want to be the reason you can’t be everything you want to be.”

His words hit me like a physical force, stealing my breath and any response I hoped to have.

My chest ached with a longing so fierce, I was afraid it might crack right open.

Just split, straight down the middle.

I’d run from people trying to stifle me, trying to control me.

My parents had always wanted to shove me in a tidy little box, uncaring about what I wanted.

About what my dreams were.

I’d lived with that my entire life.

And now, Atlas’s words had soothed a wound I hadn’t even realized was still raw after all these years, showing me he wanted me to soar, even if it meant watching me fly away.

“Atlas, I?—”

“Shit, I wasn’t supposed to get to that part until later.” Atlas scrubbed a hand down his face, muttering a curse under his breath.

“Can we go inside for a minute? I need to show you something.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good?—”

“Please, Sutton,” he said, his voice low and sincere, a thread of panic woven through at the possibility of my walking away.

“Five minutes.”

I wanted to say no.

Definitely should have said no.

Part of me was yelling at myself to walk away now while I still could.

To not give him a second chance at breaking my heart.

But the other part—the larger part—couldn’t help but see the earnestness in his eyes.

The sincerity. The pain that mirrored my own.

Couldn’t help but want to see what exactly he had planned.

Before I could stop myself, I nodded once.

"Five minutes.”

With a relieved breath, he led us into the house, Pandora still perched on his shoulder like a tiny little bodyguard. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected when he’d asked me to come inside, but it wasn’t leading me through the house and up the stairs until we stood outside the closed door of the guest bedroom.

I didn’t think I’d been gone that long, but it now smelled different in here—like paint and fresh wood. That scent had always meant new beginnings for me, and my stomach swooped at the thought that this might be our new beginning. If I did what Laurel had told me and kept an open mind.

“Are you ready?” he asked, lifting Pandora off his shoulder and setting her on the floor.

“I guess that depends on what’s behind that door. Did you get help with this part too?”

“Some. But it’s still not done. Turns out, it doesn’t matter how many zeroes I offer to add to a check, it doesn’t produce more hours in a day.” He swept his gaze over me from head to toe, that single glance reminding me exactly how good it had been with him. “But I couldn’t wait anymore.”

“Wait for what?”

“You.” With that, he opened the door to my old bedroom, but it wasn’t the gray walls, generic white bedding, and furniture that could’ve belonged to anyone that I’d been expecting. It had been completely transformed in the short time I’d been gone.

I gasped as I stepped inside and looked around at what had once been his guest room, but was now well on its way to becoming?—

“A library?” I breathed, taking in the warm and vibrant space.

The walls were a deep, rich teal, and a ridiculously girlie chandelier cast rainbows around the room. Enough floor-to-ceiling bookcases lined the perimeter to house triple my entire collection, and I wouldn’t have any problem reaching the higher shelves thanks to the freaking rolling ladder . Between that and the reading nook stacked high with pillows that hadn’t yet been arranged, I was in love.

“Yeah,” he said. “A library.”

I glanced at the stacks of books piled on the floor, noticing many, many familiar titles. “I spot an awful lot of my favorites in here.”

“You should spot all of your favorites in here.”

“You bought all my favorite books for your library?”

“No, trouble. I bought all your favorite books so I could read the endings, see how those swoony motherfuckers turned shit around, and get a clue about how to win you back.”

Something warm and tender unfurled inside me, catching me off guard with its intensity. Unsure if I could trust the hope that seemed to grow with every second, I swallowed it down. “Is that what you’re doing?”

“I guess it depends on if it’s working or not.”

“It’s a very nice library—a little girlie for you, but?—”

“That’s because it’s not for me . It’s for you .”

I stared at him in stunned silence for a moment, the reality of what he meant crashing into me. “Atlas?—”

“ Fuck ,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out two keys. “I was supposed to give you these before I told you that, but you distracted me with how gorgeous you looked walking in here.”

I breathed out a laugh and shook my head, so endeared by how he continued to fumble this when his entire career had been spent executing perfect plays. “What are those?”

“Your future. Our future, I hope.” He swallowed hard, holding up a key hanging from a keychain that simply read home and placing it in my hand. “This one is for here—this house that never really felt like a home until you and Laurel moved in.” He held up the second key before setting it in my palm next to the other. “This one is blank because it can be for wherever you want to go. Boston, San Francisco, Chicago. Anywhere.”

“Anywhere?” I asked, that hope faltering as I wondered if this was his way of letting me go.

“Anywhere,” he confirmed. “But you should know that while I’ll always support whatever decision you make, there’s no way in hell I’m not going with you if you decide to leave. I love Starlight Cove, but it’s not my home. You and Laurel are.”

Tears blurred my vision as the reality of what he said crashed into me. He was choosing me—choosing us—no matter where that led. As long as we were together, it would be perfect.

“That was a lot of words for you,” I said through a clogged throat.

“Don’t expect it all the time. But it was worth it if you take at least one of the keys.” He cupped my face, leaning down until we were eye level. “I want you to be mine , trouble. For real. No more bullshit excuses about how this was supposed to be fake. It hasn’t been for me for a long time. I was just too fucking scared to admit it.”

“You’re not the only one who’s scared. But I need us to be scared together . I can’t handle it if you push me away again.”

“I won’t. I swear. It’s going to be hard as hell sometimes, but you’re worth it. You’re worth everything .”

I smiled, unable to hold it back a second longer. “See, I told Laurel you needed to figure this part out on your own. It would’ve ruined everything if she’d admitted that we’re staying.”

“If she—” His words cut off, his eyes intense as he darted his gaze around my face, trying to get a read on me. “You’re staying? In Starlight Cove?”

I reached up, wrapped my hands around his wrists, and nodded. “We’re staying. In Starlight Cove.” I tossed the blank key over my shoulder before holding up the home keychain between us. “With you.”

He exhaled a heavy sigh and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me straight off my feet. With his face buried in my neck, he murmured, “Thank fuck.”

I breathed out a laugh, wrapping my arms around him and holding him as tightly as I could. “If you’d given me the choice of keys before showing me the library and I’d chosen the blank one, were you just going to keep this library from me?”

He pulled back and met my gaze, giving a quick shake of his head. “No, trouble. I was going to build you one wherever you let me follow you to.”