Page 49 of The Good Girl Effect (Salacious Legacy #1)

Jack

M y head is pounding when I peel my eyes open. I hear my name being called, but I only groan and roll away from the sound.

“Jack, wake up,” she calls again, this time more assertively. When Phoenix shoves me hard in the shoulder, I give in.

“What the fuck, Nix?” I bark, turning back toward her.

“Your phone has been ringing all morning,” she says before tossing it on my bed.

Technically, it’s not my bed. It’s her guest room bed that she occasionally lets me crash in when I get too drunk at the club to go home. Which has been more frequent lately.

I sit upright in the bed, my back against the headboard. It doesn’t matter that I’m in just a pair of boxer briefs. Phoenix and I have seen each other in our underwear since we were kids and never once felt anything more than friendship for each other. It was always more comfortable that way.

Picking up my phone, I see it’s my dad’s number in the caller ID, but it stops ringing before I can answer. Between him and my two moms, it’s been nonstop from them. I know they’re just concerned. And I assume it was my sister who clued them in on my recent…breakup? If that’s what we’re calling it.

A breakup before it even started.

Phoenix drops onto the bed and stares at me. “If I tell you that you can’t crash here anymore, do you think you’d stop drinking so much?”

I tilt my head at her. “No.”

She lets out a sigh. “Jack…”

“Don’t start,” I mutter as I rub my brows.

“It’s been two weeks.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I argue. Technically, I haven’t told anyone about Camille. Not the relationship. Not the breakup. None of it. But they always fucking find out.

To my surprise, she shoves me hard in the shoulder. “Don’t lie to me, Jack St. Claire.”

My eyes widen, seeing my normally docile friend so angry.

“I have been with you through everything. We’ve been friends since we were kids.

When no one else understood what it was like to have a family like ours, you were there.

You have always been there for me, and you know I would do anything for you.

Which is why I’m going to kick you out of my house and tell you that it’s time you get your life together. ”

My brow furrows as I stare at her. I want to yell at her and tell her she has no idea what it’s like to go through what I went through, but I don’t. Because she’s right. As much as I hate it, I know she’s right.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers when she sees my anger. “But you can’t keep living like this. I know you loved Em, but her death was not your death.”

“I know that,” I grumble without looking at her. “You don’t get it, Nix. It wasn’t just her death. It was like…I lost everything I had planned for my life.”

“So plan something new,” she urges. “Jesus, Jack. You still have that precious little girl. And a beautiful woman who loves you. Is getting drunk and crashing in my small apartment really better than that?”

I climb out of the bed and march across the room.

“Of course not.” Grabbing my slacks from last night draped over the chair, I tug them on impatiently.

I’m slipping back into the state of anger and depression I was in before Camille came along.

Back when my fuse was short and nothing felt fulfilling.

“Then what are you waiting for?” she asks, and something in me snaps.

“I’m fucked-up, Phoenix!” My voice booms, echoing against the walls of her petite guest room. “They don’t want me. Not like this. They are better off without me, and you know it!”

“What are you talking about?” she replies with confusion.

“Think about it, Nix. I got Em pregnant, and that pregnancy killed her. If she had never married me…she could still be alive.”

Phoenix’s eyes go wide before glancing toward the door. When I turn to see what she’s looking at, I spot my sister lurking in the hallway.

Fuck.

With a huff, I pull my plain white tee over my head. I need to get out of here.

But even as I move toward the door and Elizabeth blocks it with an emotionless expression, I know I can’t get out of this so easily.

“Phoenix, can we have a minute?” she asks calmly.

My gaze meets my sister’s. I spot a hint of pity there, and pity is the last thing I want.

“Of course,” Nix replies before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

My sister crosses her arms, and we stare at each other in silence.

“Jack…” she says softly.

“Not you too,” I groan as I run my fingers through my hair. “First our moms, then Phoenix, now you.”

“You want me to throw you a pity party because you have so many women in your life who care about you? Get over it.”

With a disgruntled sigh, I drop onto the chair and rub my hands over my face. Impending emotions rise to the surface, and to be honest, it frightens me. If I let them out, they could run me over like a stampede. I’m not sure I’d get back up from that.

Elizabeth sits on the bed across from me. “Cancer killed Emmaline, Jack. You know that.”

I let out a heavy breath as I lift my head. “Of course I know that.”

“Because it sounds like you’re blaming yourself, and that’s not true.”

“I know,” I mumble under my breath.

“I don’t think you do.”

Part of me realizes that I should be grateful that my sister is even talking to me. But the other part of me hates that it has to be under these circumstances.

“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’ve just…had a bad month.”

She stares back at me without responding, as if she’s not buying it. And she shouldn’t because it’s utter bullshit. I haven’t just had a bad month. I’ve had a bad few years. I’ve been running from my own pain for so long that I’ve conditioned myself to believe it’s all I’m good at.

I didn’t just break up with Camille. That fight about the fucking letter and Emmaline was resolvable, but I didn’t give it a chance. What really happened is that I pushed her away because it was easier than facing the possibility that I could lose her the same way I lost Em.

As my sister stares at me, it’s like I’m in a losing battle against the truth. There is no lying to myself or running away anymore.

There’s just…feeling it.

Tears prick my eyes, and I grind my molars together to fight against them. But I’m so fucking tired of running and fighting that I start to let the pain win.

When the next three words leave my lips, it feels like tearing down the dam.

“I’m not fine.”

And that’s it. The painful prick of tears subsides when I finally let them fall.

I hold my hand over my brow to shield my face from her view. Each sob feels like being knocked over again and again. Everything hits me at once. Losing Emmaline, abandoning Bea, failing my sister, walking away from Camille. All of it.

When a soft hand lands on my shoulder, I look up to see Elizabeth crying too. Tears cascade across her cheeks, and I burst to my feet to pull her into a tight embrace. My tough-as-nails sister sobs into my T-shirt.

Holding each other, we both cry. And to my surprise, I’m not trampled by the emotion. In fact, once the tears subside, I find that I can finally take in a full breath. For the first time in years, I feel lighter.

I know it won’t last forever, but the weight of all that grief I was carrying for so long is finally gone. It will be back. I’m not naive. But for now, I’m going to savor this calm.

“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth.” I’m still holding her in a tight hug, and I don’t want to let go.

“I know you are,” she replies. “I’m sorry for being so hard on you. I know you were still grieving.”

“But I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

When she pulls away, glancing up into my eyes, she gives a sad shrug. “I was never alone.”

“Good,” I reply.

We each take a moment to dry our tears and compose ourselves. Exhaustion rolls over me like a truck.

“If you give me a minute to take a shower, I’d like to take you out to lunch. Really get a chance to talk.”

She looks up with a smile. “I’d like that.”

As I get into the shower, I stand under the spray and think about Camille. She’s the first person I want to reach for. I want to tell her that I finally let go of everything I was holding on to. And it might not seem like much, but for me, it was huge. She would know that.

She’d be proud of me.

But I can’t call her or speak to her. Not yet.

I’m still so angry at her for lying to me, but I’m more mad at myself for rushing into things before I was ready and possibly ruining something good. At least now I can admit that I have work to do before I get back into a relationship.

When I get out of the shower, I throw on some clean clothes that I keep at Phoenix’s place in case of emergency—or times like these. I quickly get dressed and meet my sister and best friend in the living room.

They’re sitting on the couch together, watching television while Phoenix works on her laptop.

I stop at the table behind the couch, spotting a familiar photo in a frame, so I pick it up and I’m immediately hit with a wave of nostalgia.

It’s a group photo of all of us taken when we were still young, me in my twenties and them in their teens.

Phoenix’s twin sister, Austin, is there too, with her boyfriend, Liam.

Our parents raised us together. They tried to make us a family. I wish I knew when it all fell apart.

My wife died. Austin and Liam went off on their own. My sister and I stopped speaking. It was like adulthood severed our relationships, and the family we built as kids burned to ashes.

Ronan wants us to get that back, and I realize it’s on me now. I wanted to leave Paris so badly to restore my family, but what about this family? If I can bring back what we had, isn’t that worth staying for?

I can’t leave.

“Ready?” Elizabeth asks.

I set the picture down and nod.

“Yeah. I’m ready.”

My sister and I are sitting inside a cafe along rue des Trois-Frères. She’s sipping her cappuccino and picking at a croissant as I watch the people walking by in their coats and scarves. So far, our conversation has been short, although there is a lot to talk about.

For now, I’m just enjoying the fact that she’ll sit in comfortable silence with me. It’s more than I had a year ago.

“I spoke to her, you know.”

Her blunt admission catches me off guard. “Who? Camille?” I ask, sounding more desperate than I mean to.

“Yes.”

“And what did she say?” I ask.

“She said she wants you to grovel on your knees and win her back.”

I tilt my head and furrow my brows. “No, she didn’t.”

My sister laughs quietly to herself. “She didn’t. She said she wants what all of us want, Jack.”

“Which is…”

Then she turns and stares into my eyes. “For you to take care of yourself. To heal as much as you can. To come back to us.”

Of course. But she makes it sound so simple.

Picking up my coffee, I stare out at the street, focusing on nothing at all. I try to imagine myself healing. I picture Camille and Bea with a better version of me. A version they deserve.

“She still wants me then?” I ask.

My sister twists her lips. “For some reason, she still wants you. But she doesn’t want to live in your wife’s shadow. She wants you to want her for her . Not because she resembles someone you once loved.”

I set my coffee down too hard, and it clatters against the table. “Is that what she thinks?”

Elizabeth looks exasperated as she rolls her eyes again.

“Honestly, this is why I’ll never fall in love. What a mess you two are. You both love each other, but you’re too stubborn and proud to admit how you feel.”

“All right, if you’re so smart,” I argue, “tell me what the fuck to do.”

“First of all, take care of yourself. Get some support and allow yourself to grieve Emmaline finally. Then tell the woman you love how you feel.” She lets out a huff and picks up her cup. “It’s not that complicated.”

I laugh as I lift my cup to my lips. “Someday, you’ll understand.”

“Never.”