Page 16

“You’re right. The three-pack wasn’t wise.” I calmly put them back and take the twelve-pack. “You have two weeks off, baby. I don’t want you to have to keep running back to the store. It’s bad enough you have to work on the wiring.”

“I’ll still find time to make you breakfast in bed, sweetheart.”

As we head to the registers in the front of the store, Reggie nudges me down an aisle full of birthday cards, seasonal novelties, some stuffed toys, and a few card and board games.

“I don’t want to pack any board games. When we move to that new school district next year,” I tack on the clumsy cover sentence quickly, even though Reggie hasn’t alerted me that anyone’s paying attention to us.

I guess I have to get used to living like this, being careful all the time and watching every word.

“We can always leave them as gifts for the next couple who rents that house,” Reggie shrugs. He throws a deck of cards in the cart as well as a few other kinds of card games, and then holds up a few board games. “Cozy nights at home, babe, when we’re too exhausted to go out?”

This man could talk me into anything. What’s more.

.. in an entire year, Matteo and I never played a game or read a book together.

If we didn’t go out and one of us wasn’t in the mood, he watched sports.

There was never any discussion, either. He was the one providing a lavish lifestyle.

How could I begrudge him a few mindless hours of FIFA when he was taking me around the world?

Still, the realization hits hard—we had nothing in common when we were alone together. A marriage shouldn’t only exist in a public setting.

“My parents used to have our neighbors over and play rummy until all hours. Going out to the movies was a special date for them. They dated on a budget, raising four kids and not earning a lot. But I remember them laughing in the kitchen after us kids were in bed.” I cough suddenly.

“It’s a hot one. I’m parched. Should we get a couple of beers, Reggie? ”

“Get a six-pack of whatever you want, Teri.”

I get some spiked lemonade and watch Reggie nod in approval. “You like this?”

“I like anything as long as it isn’t flavored like watermelon. Can’t stand it.”

“I don’t like artificial flavors of anything. No fruity gummy bears of chewy stuff, especially not after living in Europe for most of the last year. I’m a chocolate snob now,” I laugh and take a turn pushing the cart.

When we’re at the checkout, Reggie slips three of those solid Swiss chocolate bars (the only concession to European chocolate in the store) into the cart.

Observant. Thoughtful. Doesn’t even mention it.

Once we’re in the car with the AC cranked, I give Reggie a long look.

It’s none of my business to say what I’m about to say.

Matteo’s mantra was “That’s my business, baby” (always said in a very affectionate way) when I tried to ask questions or make suggestions about his work or his habits.

I have no real right to say anything to Reggie anyway because I’m not his wife, I’m his assignment.

I guess he makes me feel comfortable because the words tumble free. I scoot higher up in my seat, bare shoulders on the warm leather. “Sometimes it’s more polite to be silent. It’s none of my business,” I muse aloud, hoping he’ll take the bait.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Oh, just something I noticed about you. Something I think you’re wrong about. But it’s not my place to say.”

“Oh, don’t do that. This week is going to drag if either of us does that thing where we stop talking because it would be more ‘polite’ not to.”

Challenge accepted. “Fine. You said you couldn’t be in a relationship.

Wouldn’t be good as anything more than a friend.

I disagree. In a single day—I disagree. You would be a wonderful boyfriend.

This thing about being a beast who needs to be loved first?

I don’t know about that, but you have so many things that women want—it would be hard to resist falling for someone like you. ”

“Well, that’s very kind, but—”

“No, you said I could talk, so I’m talking.

I avoided dating for a long time because I knew what qualities I wanted in a man.

Then, I was married for a year, and I got to test out my theories about love and relationships.

If I’d have been smart...” I sigh. “If I hadn’t been so scared I wouldn’t get another chance at a guy like Matteo or that he’d change his mind and decide he didn’t want a small town, tiny bank account type girl like me, I would have tested those theories out before marrying him.

We would have dated for a year. Or at least six months. ”

Reggie's eyes never leave the road. The broad shoulders that make my mouth water are stiff. “You learned your lesson, huh? Not plunging in again.”

That’s a loaded question, and he doesn’t even ask it. He says it like a statement.

“Ordinarily, I would say yes. Maybe if I were smarter, I’d say yes.

But I learned a whole lot in a short time.

” A bitter chuckle escapes me, and I focus on the streets and buildings zipping past. Soon, I won’t get to be a passenger anymore.

That’s another thing I’ll miss, just going for a drive with someone.

Soon, I’ll be driving solo—if I even leave my house.

“Teri?”

“Sorry, I drifted into my own head. I would plunge in again with the right kind of man. He’d have to be one I was totally confident in. Otherwise, I’d be afraid of making the same mistakes.” I’m not afraid of diving in deep with Reggie. But I can’t tell him that.

“I said this wouldn’t work if we didn’t talk, so now it’s my turn to say something. To ask something that’s none of my business.”

“Shoot,” I chuckle, lightly brushing my hand against his arm.

“How am I stacking up? To you? In spite of my abysmal track record of zero relationships—which is unlikely to change any time soon... I guess I’m just curious, and you’re probably the first and last person who can tell me if I’m ‘plunge-worthy.’”

I can’t tell him—unless he asks me point blank. I pull my hair off my neck and twist it into a ponytail to buy a few seconds. “One, you don’t have an abysmal track record. Not being able to have a relationship isn’t the same thing as failing at them or being bad at them. Did you ever try?”

Reggie’s stiff shoulders flex. “In a way. I never pushed it because... the hunger I felt was hollow. Without substance. Without the ability to fully return what I hoped would be given.”

“So you waited because you didn’t want to hurt anyone.

That was smart. I lied to myself and rushed even when I had a lot of questions about how life with Matteo would work out after a year of glitz and glamor.

I didn’t want to be a hick-town stage mother, but I didn’t plan to be a traveling honeymooner forever, either.

” I twist my fingers in my lap, realizing I still have to answer his question.

“Two, you stack up incredibly well so far. I learned that it wasn’t the big things like money and travel.

They’re nice, but they don’t complete the picture.

Like any good picture, you need lots of tiny details.

.. and you’re very good with the details. ”

I close my eyes after my speech. Probably said too much—and I don’t care. Look at my life. I’m living one kind of lie and about to live a longer one. My conversations with Reggie are probably the last ones I’ll have where I can be truly honest.

I am out of fucks to give.

“You stack up really, really well. Especially to me.” I reach over and put my hand next to him, palm up.

He takes it.