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Story: The Girl with the Suitcase
It was so hard and shameful to continue to tell him of her mother’s descent into drug addiction, just so she could face prostitution, and of course Ronnie’s continuing regular abuse, knowing her mother couldn’t or wouldn’t even attempt to put a stop to it.
‘I thought people could see it or smell it on me,’ she said. ‘The other children at school ignored me, the neighbours– except for Ruth– were the same. I felt I was tainted, and even after I left there and went to Hampstead to work, I still felt the same way.’
Harry moved then and scooped her into his arms. ‘None of it was your fault, Beth, both Ronnie and your mother should be strung up. Don’t even think she couldn’t help what happened. By doing nothing she was as guilty as him.’
His cheek resting against hers was wet with tears.
‘Tell me, Beth,’ he said after a few moments of silence. ‘When you put on Elizabeth Manning’s clothes, did you feel you’d stepped out of Mary Price’s skin into Elizabeth’s?’
Beth had never thought of it like that, but it was true.
‘Yes, I suppose I did. I’d lost everything that was Mary’s in the bomb blast. Staying at the smart guest house near Baker Street, with money in my purse, elegant clothes to wear, I was a new person.
Like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. I suppose that’s awful?’
‘No, completely understandable. Even if you’d gone to the police and told them your story, what good would it do for anyone? If Elizabeth had a family it could all be returned to them, but she hadn’t, so what were they going to do with it?’
Beth pulled a troubled face. ‘Yes, but I pretended to be her. I claimed her inheritance in Ireland. I’ve lived as her ever since.’
Harry shrugged. ‘I dare say plenty of other people have taken another’s identity, especially during both wars and other major upheavals.
Elizabeth couldn’t use it anymore; she had asked you to go to Ireland with her.
I see it as recompense for the horrible things you’d been through in your childhood.
You’ve given Kathleen over in Ireland an income, you’ve been the very best companion to Rose, and you’ve worked for nothing at Hambleden House.
You’re hardly a villain, Beth, you’re a good person.
If it makes you happier to give the Irish cottage to a worthy cause, then do it. ’
‘You aren’t horrified then?’ she asked in a small voice.
Harry laughed. ‘Horrified by what that bastard did to you as a little girl, yes. I’d like to cut out his liver and make him eat it.
Such trauma would colour most women’s whole lives.
But I’m certainly not horrified about you taking Elizabeth’s identity.
I can only admire your resilience, courage and determination.
Going off to Ireland alone must have been terrifying.
Now, let’s put it aside and give me a kiss. ’
Harry didn’t tell them until the evening of Boxing Day that he’d got his orders to present himself back at Warminster the following day.
The pantomime had been a sparkling success, from leaving Clifton in a crocodile of children aged five to eleven, with the adult minders interspersed between them, to their return with the children singing the songs from the show with rosy, happy faces.
Beth had been up front with the tickets, Harry with the cones of sweets, and Rose carrying a bag of damp face flannels to wipe sticky fingers.
Harry was in much demand, all the girls anxious to hold his hand, the boys keen to ask him questions about guns and tanks.
Beth loved the pantomime, the terrible jokes, the outrageous costumes of the Ugly Sisters, and even the Handsome Prince who was a girl.
Like the children, she gasped at Cinderella being transformed from a servant into an almost princess with a fabulous ballgown by a wave of the Fairy Godmother’s wand.
She saw Harry nod and wink at her from a few seats further along the row, clearly thinking Cinderella’s story was like her own.
She smiled back. He had the youngest girl on his lap and she felt he was her prince.
All the children had learned English in the years they’d been in England, but it occurred to Beth that even if they didn’t understand some of the jokes, the plot of the story had universal appeal.
Her mind wandered from time to time, reliving Harry’s kisses, and knowing that once they got the opportunity to be alone together it would be almost impossible to put the brakes on and not go further.
Telling him about her past had lightened the burden of guilt she’d been carrying.
Last night, knowing he was sleeping in the next room, it was so tempting to creep in there.
But she hadn’t because she had to hear him say he loved her first, and, knowing he was going to leave soon to rejoin the war, it was not the time to take risks.
‘Please stay safe,’ Beth said now, biting her lip so she wouldn’t cry as he returned to the sitting room with his small bag in his hands. ‘And write to me?’
She thought he had never looked more handsome tonight– six foot two, his back ram-rod straight, his face still flushed from the cold outside, dark eyes as shiny and black as tar, and his fair hair still unsuitably long for a soldier.
He’d said earlier the captain would order it to be cut immediately.
Beth liked it that way, little wisps trying to curl around his ears, and she loved his wide mouth and how his lips turned up in a constant smile.
She knew from helping him in the convalescent home that his shoulders, chest and arms rippled with strong muscle.
And she hoped that before long she could feel his naked chest against her own.
Rose got up to embrace him. ‘You’ll be in my prayers, Harry,’ she said, her voice cracking with emotion. ‘I couldn’t be prouder of you than if you were my own boy.’ She turned away, wiping a tear from her cheek. ‘Go and see him out, Beth,’ she said.
In the hallway, with the door to the sitting room closed, Harry took Beth in his arms. ‘Just one more thing to say,’ he said before kissing her until her legs turned to rubber.
‘What is that last thing?’ she whispered, running her fingers down his sharp cheekbones.
‘I love you, Beth,’ he said, his forehead against hers. ‘I’ve been wanting to say it all the time over Christmas. Will you marry me? When I get my next leave we could get a special licence for it. That is, if you’ll have me?’
‘I love you too, and nothing would make me happier,’ she replied. She didn’t want him to go, but the longer she held him here the worse it would be for both of them. ‘But please go now as you’ve got to leave so early tomorrow, and be careful in the dark.’
‘You get back in the warm,’ he said. ‘We’ll soon have a lifetime together with no more goodbyes.’
He moved quickly, shutting the door firmly behind him. But not fast enough for Beth to miss the tears on his cheeks.
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