Page 33 of The Gingerbread Bakery (Dream Harbor #5)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Now

‘S o much for being the big spoon,’ Mac said, tugging Annie’s arm tighter around his waist. Her fingers flexed, pressing into his skin. He could feel her groan rumble through his back, and he laughed.

‘Damn it,’ she said, pulling away.

‘Where are you going?’ he asked, rolling over to face her. ‘That was cozy.’

Annie rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, and Mac thought this was his favorite morning in a long time.

‘What time is it?’ she asked and Mac glanced at his alarm clock.

‘Just after six,’ he said. Thanks to the tilt of the Earth that made December so grim in the Northern Hemisphere, it was still dark in his bedroom, although the streetlights hitting the snow outside gave the room an eerie glow.

Hecould make out Annie’s gentle smile and her sleepy eyes, her gaze soft. For now, she wasn’t scowling at him.

He liked it a lot.

‘We should check on the kittens,’ she said, even as she pulled the blankets up higher around her shoulders, clearly not intending to get up anytime soon.

‘Already did.’ Mac pointed to the side of the bed where he’d brought up the box in the middle of the night. ‘Got worried about them downstairs all alone,’ he explained.

Annie bit down on another smile.

‘You really have to stop doing that,’ she said.

‘Doing what?’

‘Being sweet.’

‘I am sweet.’

That caused a little crease to form between Annie’s eyebrows. She still didn’t believe him. She still wanted to cling to her image of him as the villain.

‘What do you think of me now?’ he asked, echoing the question they’d asked each other all those years ago.

Annie sighed. ‘I’m not really sure anymore.’

He’d take it. Anything was better than her thinking of him as the asshole who broke her heart.

‘Okay, biggest fear,’ he asked instead.

‘That I like this a little too much,’ she admitted, and hope flared in Mac’s chest. ‘What about you? Biggest fear?’

‘That you’ll never forgive me.’

The crease between her eyebrows deepened.

‘What do you think of me now?’ she asked.

Mac paused, taking her in, her bedhead and her sleepy face peeking out above his covers. He needed to get this exactly right.

‘I think you’re just as bright as when I left. I think you hold this town and your friends and your family together. I think you are still an over-achiever, but I think it’s made your dreams come true and I think you’re even more beautiful than the last time we did this.’

Annie held his gaze, not speaking, and Mac felt the world stand still as he waited. He’d wait for Annie forever.

‘That was pretty good,’ she said, after so long that Mac thought maybe she’d never answer. He couldn't help but chuckle. She was never going to make this easy for him but he didn't deserve easy so that was okay.

‘Favorite movie?’ she said.

‘ The Muppet Christmas Carol ,’ he said without missing a beat. Annie’s laugh filled the quiet room.

‘That cannot possibly still be your favorite movie,’ she said.

‘It absolutely can!’ he countered.

‘You’re ridiculous,’ she said, her nose crinkled in disbelief.

‘So, what’s yours, then? Has it changed in the past eleven years?’

‘It’s been a while since I’ve even had time to watch a movie,’ she said. ‘All I really seem to have the bandwidth for at the end of the day is reality TV.’

‘Really? And you're going to make fun of me for loving the Muppets?’

‘There's something relaxing about watching other people blow up their lives!’

At some point she’d reached out a hand beneath the blankets and was toying with the gold chain he still wore around his neck.

‘What was the best place you lived?’ she asked, her finger still looped through his necklace. He willed her to tug him closer.

‘I liked anytime I was on the coast. Santa Barbara was cool. I really liked Chicago, too.’

She wanted to ask him more, he could tell, but she hesitated. The only sound in the room was her light breathing and the slow slide of his cross along the chain.

‘Go ahead,’ he said. ‘I know you want to ask.’ He’d been waiting years for her to ask. He’d been waiting years to explain.

Annie’s lips tipped into a frown, and it took all his strength not to lean forward and kiss it off.

‘Okay, fine,’ she said, like she’d made a decision, like she was ready to meet the challenge he laid out for her. ‘Why didn’t you come back? Why did you leave me sitting in the diner waiting for you like an idiot.’

He knew the question was coming, and yet somehow he hadn’t been prepared for how much it would hurt to hear it out loud. He wasn’t prepared for all the hurt she’d say it with.

‘I did come back,’ he said, and Annie scoffed.

‘Oh, you must have been invisible that day.’ She dropped the chain.

Mac sighed. ‘I did come back, and I saw you sitting in that booth and I couldn’t do it.’

Annie rolled away from him, but he saw the tears in her eyes before she did. Damn it. He was screwing this up. He had to make her understand.

‘I saw you sitting there, and I had been gone for an entire year, Annie, and I still knew nothing. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to do. I was twenty years old, and I was still lost, and I saw you sitting there and what could I possibly have had to offer you?’

He remembered it like no time had passed at all.

The feeling of looking through the diner window and seeing Annie sitting there, so poised and perfect.

He’d thought about her the whole time he’d been gone but seeing her again in real life had made him doubt everything.

It made him doubt his memories. It made him doubt himself.

He’d been miserable that first year he’d been away, but he’d done it to prove something to himself, to his family.

That he could be on his own, that he could figure out his own life, and he hadn’t figured out shit.

He came home feeling like a failure. How was he supposed to walk up to Annie feeling like that?

What was he supposed to say? I’m back but I’m still the same loser that left here a year ago.

He couldn’t do it.

Annie sat up abruptly, taking half the blankets with her, leaving Mac in the cold. ‘You didn’t have to offer me anything . You only had to show up!’

Mac sat up to face her on the bed. ‘I was scared,’ he said, desperate for her to understand.

He knew he didn’t have to offer Annie anything concrete, but he at least needed to offer her some version of himself that he was proud of.

‘I was scared that I wouldn’t be what you remembered or what you wanted me to be. ’

Annie shook her head. ‘I sat there waiting for you all day. I felt like a complete fool, like some stupid lovesick girl who waits an entire year for a boy. I never wanted to be that girl and I haven’t been her since.’

She got up, taking the blanket with her, looking around his room for her clothes. ‘This is why I can't do this with you, Mac. We can't do this again. You made me feel that way once and I won't let you do it again.’

‘And what about you?’ he said, getting up and following her around the bed even as the voice in his head was screaming at him to retreat .

This was not how this was supposed to go.

He was taking his one chance to fix things with Annie and ruining it.

But he couldn’t stop. If they had any chance of having a fresh start, they needed everything out in the open.

‘I’m not the only one to blame in all of this. ’

‘ Excuse me? ’ Annie said, her eyes going wide. ‘What are you talking about?’

He’d had no intention of ever bringing this up, but now years-old hurt bubbled to the surface. ‘I chickened out the day we were supposed to meet, but I came to Brandon White’s party on New Year’s Eve.’

Annie froze, the blanket wrapped around her shoulder. ‘What are you talking about?’ she whispered.

Mac stalked closer until they were toe to toe. ‘I came to that New Year’s Eve party looking for you. I had spent the week trying to figure it out and I realized that it didn't matter what I was doing with my life. I knew you would want to see me anyway. I knew we had something special.’

That’s what he’d convinced himself of, anyway. That he could trust Annie to want him even if he was still incomplete. He’d gone to that party ready to apologize for standing her up but also so fucking hopeful that she’d forgive him. That they could finally pick up where they’d left off.

Annie swallowed hard. ‘I didn’t see you at that party.’

‘You didn't see me because you were too busy.’ He stepped closer until Annie had to tip her face up to his. ‘Do you remember what you were busy doing that night, Annabelle?’ he asked, his voice a low rumble, every feeling he’d had when he’d seen her that night barreling back into him.

Annie faced him head on like she always had. ‘Yes, I do. I spent that night forgetting you .’