Page 38 of The Gilded Lady (The Gilded West #3)

Chapter Nineteen

Z ane woke up with a start. Disoriented, he tried to sit up, but a warm, soft body in the bed next to him kept him where he was.

He smelled roses and everything that had happened a few hours earlier came back to him.

He closed his eyes and tightened his arm around her waist. She snuggled back against him, her soft bottom making him start to go rigid.

He cupped her bare breast, gratified when she sighed and relaxed into him with a gentle snore.

The sound brought out a yearning in him.

There were so many things he wanted to know about her, but he wasn’t certain he’d get the chance.

He’d had a dream, a nightmare, actually.

They had been together, walking down the street and someone had called out his name.

It was almost exactly what had happened with Castillo.

He never saw the man who pulled the trigger, but it was someone from his past. Only the bastard hadn’t shot Zane.

He’d shot Glory. The hard thud of her slamming against him from the impact is what woke him.

Danger followed him. How could he put her in danger after going through all of this to keep her safe?

Knowing he wouldn’t get back to sleep after that dream, he sat up and looked down at the woman beside him.

Being with her had been different than being with any other woman he’d ever known.

Their joining hadn’t been only about mutual pleasure.

There’d been something more. The only thing that had ever come close was his time with Christine.

He didn’t like to think about her, especially not when in bed with Glory, but there she was.

He’d loved Christine. Cared about her like he’d never cared about another person, but even in their brief time together, even with his thoughts of marriage, he’d never imagined the contentment of growing old with her.

Theirs had always been a relationship rooted in now.

That’s the relationship he and Glory had agreed upon as well, but this morning he saw more.

He saw himself waking up with her every morning for years to come.

He saw himself on a front porch holding her wrinkled hand as they watched the sunset and going to sleep with her at his side.

They’d agreed to not think about the future, but that’s all that he could think about now.

The tread of a boot on the roof overhead brought him back to the present, reminding him that he had more pressing concerns to think about.

There’d be no future to consider if he couldn’t figure out Dubose’s plan.

He moved to get out of bed, unwilling to wake her with his restless thoughts, but the moment he did she stirred and tightened her arm against his.

“Don’t go,” she whispered. “It’s the middle of the night.”

He hesitated. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to stay, it was more that he knew he’d never want to leave if he did.

She rolled over onto her back to look up at him in the muted light coming in through the window.

Light spilled across her shoulder, one breast was partially revealed.

The expression on her face cinched his decision.

It was so full of hope and tenderness that he felt himself relaxing back into the bed before he’d even made the conscious decision to stay.

It was wrong. There were so many reasons to go, but he wasn’t strong enough to turn away.

She went eagerly into his arms and settled against his chest. He’d planned to hold her until she went back to sleep, but she didn’t seem sleepy anymore.

Her finger drew small circles on his chest. He took a deep breath, trying and failing to keep her warmth from seeping into his heart.

He realized then that she was far braver than he was.

She’d faced her fear, but he couldn’t. He was terrified of loving her.

“I know that you should go back to the sofa soon, but you don’t have to go yet.”

“Oh?” His mind was too busy racing along with his heart to think clearly.

“It makes sense, don’t you think? We don’t want Able to come early in the morning and find you here.” When he didn’t answer right away, she rolled her head to look up at him. His face must have reflected his mounting terror, because she asked, “Are you okay?” She rose up a little to see him better.

He nodded and managed to hold onto what she’d said. “Why shouldn’t he find us?”

She stared at him as if he should know the answer to that question, before a tremulous smile made her lower her head. “I don’t want to put you in danger,” she teased. “I haven’t talked to him yet. And I know you’ll think I’m a contradiction, but I don’t want people to know…to talk.”

He gave her a single nod, unable to do more.

This was his chance to make things go back to how they had been before.

She would be safe from any future threats that followed him around…

and he would be safe from loving her. If he made her change her mind now, then he wouldn’t have to worry that she would change it later.

She sat up, pulling the sheet with her to cover her breasts. “Are you certain you’re okay?”

“Fine.” His voice came out sharper than he’d intended it to, and she looked up at him a little stunned. “Why don’t we make it easy? I’ll trade with Able and take my old room back.”

“No, you misunderstand. I don’t want that.

” Her voice came from behind him as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on his pants.

The heat of her hand nearly scalded him when she placed it on his bare shoulder.

It was like a siren’s call, luring him back to where he knew only pain awaited.

He rose to his feet and stepped away from the bed as he worked the buttons.

“Zane, please…I didn’t mean to offend you. I’ll talk to Able tomorrow, I promise.”

“But that won’t solve the problem of people talking, will it?” He grabbed his shirt and shrugged into it without looking at her. She was silent on the bed. Despite his intention, he couldn’t leave without seeing her expression and knowing how she felt.

Her brow was furrowed in pain when he met her gaze. “Can’t we talk about this? You even agreed that the future was uncertain. I’d rather there not be talk among the staff until we know if there is even something to talk about.”

He couldn’t handle that look on her face knowing he had put it there.

He was horrible. Here he was deriding her over this when he’d already been fighting his own demons and losing, unable to face his own fears to have a future with her.

Leaving his shirt open, he sat back down on the bed.

Only a few inches separated them, but it might as well have been miles. She made no move to touch him.

He owed her something, so he said, “I never told you about Christine.”

She shook her head, silently urging him on.

So he told her, and it felt good to open up to her.

He told her about how he’d fallen hard. About how Christine had led him to believe that she felt the same.

He still thought that she’d been honest about that, but it hadn’t been enough.

When her brother found out about them and beat him to within an inch of his life for daring to lay a hand on her, it hadn’t mattered.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to meet Glory’s gaze head on.

It wasn’t fair of him not to explain to her.

He’d never been a coward a day in his life, but here he was…

afraid of her and what she did to him. “That’s why I don’t know about the future, our future.

The way she hurt me…I don’t know if I’m able to open myself up to that again. ”

As he spoke, her eyes welled up with tears, but they didn’t fall. “She’s why you’ve been pulling away from me. I felt it yesterday at the Jameson home and again today. It’s because of her?”

“Cas and Hunter swear that she never really loved me if she could do such a thing, but they don’t know. I saw her. I held her. I know the way she looked at me. It was love and it was real. But it didn’t matter.”

She took in a wavering breath, and the sound of it pierced his soul. “I would never allow anyone to hurt you…you must know that?”

He raised a hand but stopped short of touching her knee, instead he let it fall back to the bed.

He didn’t have that right anymore. “I know that you wouldn’t.

I don’t mean that you’d harm me in that way.

” He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with his inability to say what he meant.

“I’m saying that love is fleeting. We embrace it when it’s convenient and discard it when it’s not. ”

“So you don’t even want to try?”

He shook his head. “It’s not only that.” The tinge of that nightmare was still with him, clouding his mind. One dangerous man was after her already, he couldn’t put her at risk by bringing his own demons to her door. “There are men who would hurt you to get to me.”

Her chin dropped down, but she didn’t say anything. After a moment, she pulled the sheet around her even tighter. He wanted to pull her against him and damn the inevitable pain, but he couldn’t.

Finally, she said, “Thank you for telling me.”

He hated that it had to be this way, but deep down he knew that it was for the best. Better to get out now while they were both capable of walking away. He rose, hating himself as he left.

Glory never went back to sleep. She lay there listening to the sounds of Zane in the parlor. He seemed restless, walking over to the window to stand there for a few minutes only to pace back to the front door. This went on for over an hour, until gray morning light filtered in through her window.