Page 120 of The Ghost of Ellwood

The end of July weather was hot and humid, but Theo’s cold hand in mine helped keep me cool. The field of green grass behind the manor ruffled as a summer breeze swept around us. Hills rolled in the distance, and the blue sky and wispy clouds above them made it look like a painting.

“We’re going to the woods?” he questioned with a tilt of his head. “Ben, I thought we were finished with our animalistic days of rutting in the trees.”

I barked out a laugh. “As tempting as it is to shove you against a tree and have my wicked way with you, that’s not what we’re doing. Be patient.”

Theo sighed and slowly swung our hands.

I kept a brave face, but on the inside I was a nervous wreck. It seemed like a great idea at the time, but now self-doubt was creeping in. What if he hated it?

We left the path and walked toward a more wooded area. Theo’s demeanor shifted slightly, and his shoulders stiffened. He recognized the location. It had taken me a bit, but I had eventually found what I assumed to be his resting place.

It was the only field of lavender on the property.

When we exited the enclosure of trees and entered the small meadow, Theo froze and stared ahead. I released his hand and approached the wild lavender. And the tombstone that now resided there.

Theodore Michael Blackwell

Born November 1st1898

Died October 24th1917

“Rest your wings now, darling boy. You’re home.”

Theo fell to his knees in front of it and trembled as he placed a hand on the soft curve of the top. Tears wet his cheeks as he silently cried. I knelt beside him, my throat tightening, and touched his back.

“Oh, Ben,” he cried. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“Why would I be angry with you?” He wiped at his face, and his body flickered. “It’s beautiful.”

“I didn’t want to dig up your body, so I thought this was the best solution.”

“Thank you, darling.” Theo kissed my fingers and held my hand to his cheek.

“How do you feel?” I asked, as my heart thumped against my ribs.

I probably sounded insane asking him, but I was terrified.

“I feel…fine.” Theo picked a leaf off me that had blown onto my shoulder. “Why do you ask?”

The words wouldn’t come out. I feared speaking them would make them true.

“Are you still worried I’ll leave?” he asked, frowning. “That I’ll move on?”

“A little bit.”

Theo had shone light on his murder and everyone knew his father had almost certainly killed him. He had shared his story when we published his journal. Now, he had a tombstone. In all ways, he should’ve been at peace and able to move on.

And I anticipated it the way you waited for a Band-Aid to be ripped from your skin.

“Don’t you see, Ben?” Theo moved my bangs aside. “You’re the reason I haven’t moved on. Loving you is keeping me here. I refuse to move on, because you wouldn’t be with me. So stop frowning. You’ll cause wrinkles on that handsome face.”

I caught his hand as he went to pull it away, and I kissed the inside of his wrist. “One day Iwillhave wrinkles. I’ll age and you won’t.”

“And I will love you still,” Theo responded, laying his head on my shoulder.

“What about when I’m old and gray?”