Page 16 of The Four Engagement Rings of Sybil Rain

I can’t help it; I’m a messy person. Always have been.

My childhood bedroom was a constant disaster of stuffed animals and half-finished science projects.

But it was my safe place. The one place where I could really be me .

Well, there, and my tree house in the backyard.

I used to escape there when my “big feelings” got to be too much.

My parents weren’t therapy people—Mom found the whole thing distasteful, said it was like airing your dirty laundry to a stranger—so I didn’t know then that what I was experiencing was a form of panic attack.

I just knew that if I wanted to avoid being grounded, I had to make myself scarce until I calmed down.

My mom and dad are the sweetest people ever, truly, but their expectations of me have always been high, and their values old-fashioned.

Conservative, in the traditional sense of the word.

They expected a daughter who fell in line, and instead, I think from a very young age, I was just a little too much for them to grasp.

They did their best to polish up my bright sides, and they hid the dark, complicated stuff as well as they could—even from themselves.

I slide my laptop from my tote bag, brushing off some crumbs from a granola bar that disintegrated in my bag somewhere between leaving my place in LA and right now, and spend a few hours editing videos, drafting vlog content for later, doing a little research, and responding to emails.

I’m surprised to find it’s nearly six p.m by the time I finally look up from my screen.

Including my time in the spa, I’ve basically been indoors all day, which seems like it should be illegal when you’re in Hawaii.

Maybe I’ll do dinner at that cute outdoor tiki bar I passed by on my way to the beach yesterday morning.

Before I go, I do one last check of my work emails. There’s a new one from my boss, Meredith, telling me that the reel I posted yesterday with curated video clips documenting my arrival here to Halia Falls is getting great engagement.

The place looks beautiful! Reminder—we also want to do more casual, straight-to-camera reels to encourage people to tune in for the eclipse live stream on Friday where we will be doing the limited discount for channel subscribers only. Thanks, Sybil!

Well, I guess now’s as good a time as any. I do a quick mirror check and dab on some blush and a light coat of mascara, just so I don’t look totally washed out on screen.

I grab my cell and start recording.

“Okay, so, is anyone else dealing with seriously ridiculous life events right now? Weird things from your past popping up when you least expect them? Feelings you don’t know what to do with?

Well, we might have Friday’s blood moon to thank for that.

These kinds of eclipses are often described as wild cards.

During this cosmic cycle, anything’s possible, so I guess you just have to go with the flow—which I know is easier said than done, trust me.

And speaking of going with the flow, don’t miss out on Flowies 50% off sale this week!

And don’t forget to tune into our Instagram live this Friday where your first month with Flowies is free if you subscribe during the live stream! ”

Meredith always says our brand needs to reflect authenticity… let’s hope she means it. Because I basically just spilled my guts to our ninety-five-thousand followers. Though the only followers who will have any idea what thing from my past is popping up are Nikki, Willow, and Emma.

While I’m still holding my phone, a text comes in from Nikki.

Updates?

I had filled her in on my rain-soaked hike with Jamie when I got back to my room last night.

How angry he’d been… even when he was carrying me in his arms after I hurt my ankle.

She’d been quick to say that maybe beneath the anger was lingering hurt—on both sides.

But what did Jamie have to be hurt about?

He’d wanted an out, and I’d given it to him.

Now he’s moved on and he has Genevieve, the kind of woman his family probably adores.

What’s left to be mad about, really? Nikki’s response gutted me.

All she wrote back was: you guys loved each other.

It hurts when there’s that much love lost. After that, I silenced my notifications and went to bed.

No sightings today , I tell her now. #Blessed

Nikki sends back a praying hands emoji which I “heart.”

Just remind me never to get engaged again unless it sticks. I can’t have another ex-fiancé roaming the earth hating me. I already have three.

Oh Sybs , she writes back. None of them hate you. Especially not Jamie. I bet all three of them will always love you. Everybody loves you, Sybil. Six heart emojis.

I swallow, thinking of what I overheard Jamie say on the boat yesterday.

Everybody loves Sybil. Like it’s a slogan for a TV series.

Everyone loves the performance of Sybil Rain.

That’s because I put on a great fucking show.

But the guys who get close enough to actually know the real me?

Every single one of them is disappointed in the end.