Page 43 of The Forgotten SEAL (The Real SEAL #1)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Smith

I’ve fucked up everything.

In a world where general safety isn’t promised and evil villains are your next-door neighbors, that’s a mighty feat to admit.

It’s hard to focus on work when my personal life is in such upheaval.

It’s hard to focus on work when part of the reason my life is in such upheaval is sitting next to me talking to my ex-fiancée on the phone.

The high bay at work in San Diego is full of SEALs.

We’ve been here all day, attending meeting after meeting.

Macs, the dude with perfect hair and a penchant for Armani T-shirts, saunters in through a side door.

“We need the prettiest motherfuckers over here on this side of the room,” he barks.

“I’ll need five. Maybe six if we have that many decent-looking men.

It’s for Hero Hair,” he explains, smiling.

It’s the mission name, and I immediately know why we need to send good-looking guys.

Laughter breaks out, booming around the room. “Who is deciding who’s the prettiest?” someone yells out.

It’s a welcome change of subject.

Moose’s voice and his words still carry. Megan moved in with him almost immediately after the book meeting. I’m stuck at a house full of shit I don’t want, lonely beyond belief. It’s ironic now that I’m stationed in San Diego, there’s no reason for me to be.

Zane stands. “I volunteer as tribute,” he shouts, raising one arm in the air, three fingers pointed skyward.

“Sit down, dude,” someone says. The tactics we have to employ are different than they are in usual war.

It’s a guessing game, but one that we’re picking up on quickly.

The head figures use financiers to back their initiatives.

The financiers typically live an upper-class lifestyle.

We’ve discovered it means lonely, drunk wives with loose lips.

Zane argues his finer attributes but in the end gets shut down by Macs.

While the guys squabble about who has more symmetrical features and better abs, I think about how badly I fucked up with Carina.

I don’t have a dog in this fight. My looks are long gone.

They send me when they want to scare people with sheer muscle mass and jagged scars—similar to the bad guy in superhero films. I feel like the bad guy.

It’s hard to say who is at fault. Some would argue I am for trying to escape my feelings and for leading Megan on for so long.

Others would say it was Carina for meddling in fate.

I can’t be mad at her for speaking the truth.

I can be irritated she won’t return my calls or emails.

Her attorney returned one of my emails because she’d forwarded it to him.

I’d asked a simple question about the book, but it was mostly begging for her to meet with me.

Never Forever is slated for a summer release, and with the current state of affairs, reading is the number one pastime in every age group.

Given the subject matter, it’s also highly anticipated.

The military and all the facets of SEALs are a mystery.

People know the basics, but chances are they don’t know a real SEAL.

That’s different from actors portraying them in movies.

It’s real. It’s life outside of combat. It’s me.

Advertisements are everywhere. Every single one reminding me of the only true love I’ll ever experience.

One that I was lucky to have while it lasted because it changed me—it saved me.

She’s so damn beautiful. Her headshot side by side with the cover.

She’s smirking—her full, glossy lips tilted to one side.

It’s not the shy smile of a girl I met on the floor of a theater.

It’s the confident, knowing smile of a woman who has risen to such great heights that nothing in the world can touch her.

Her brown hair is waving well past her shoulders, and her almond eyes are taunting me, reminding me what I’ll never have again.

At the rate I’m going, I don’t know if I’ll ever see those eyes again in person.

My stomach coils with anger. In a situation I can’t control, my mind dives to dark places. It transports me back to a hospital bed when I was unable to move or talk or do anything for myself. Those were my darkest days, and this feeling right now is comparable to that.

“Moose. It’s you. Get up here, you beautiful bastard,” Macs commands.

Moose stands, laughs, and makes his way to the pretty group.

Guys slap his back as he saunters to the other side of the room like he’s won an award.

I’m relieved. It means his conversation is finished and I don’t have to hear the warble of her voice on the other end of his phone.

Do I feel guilty? Yes. She made sure I wouldn’t for long, though.

She dove headfirst in with my best friend.

It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if they took our wedding date and made it their own. I wouldn’t care.

Moose throws his arms in the air when he reaches his mark.

“Thank you. Thank you. I’d like to thank the academy and my mother.

Because without her genes, I’d look like a wolverine mated with a grizzly.

Sorry, Dad. I love you,” Moose says, throwing one arm out to take an awkward bow.

“Most beautiful,” he shouts in an accented tone.

Macs groans. “Okay, okay. Go to the meeting room and make sure your ready bags are packed.”

Everyone sighs. We’re tired. Several troops are overseas, but most of the SEALs are spread across the US.

We’ve infiltrated big cities and small cities, going wherever there’s a lead.

We have to take big and small tips in the same manner because no one knows what something small may snowball into. “The rest of you, train.”

I pull my cell out and check my messages. Nothing. “You should call her from the office line. She won’t have that number blocked,” Moose says over my shoulder.

“She has my number blocked?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I spoke with her the other day, and she’s traveling this week. Manhattan, I think? Maybe LA.? PR is gearing up for the release.” When he reads my face, he adds, “She called me, bro.”

“I swear to God I will fucking kill you, Moose. End you—if you screw up this part of my life. Do you have feelings for Carina too? Do you want to adhere to polygamy just so you can fuck every woman I’ve ever been inside of?

” It’s harsh, and I know for a fact I’ve pissed him off.

A few guys overhear and sidle in closer in case a punch is thrown. Fuck, I should throw a punch.

“Fuck you, Smith.”

I push his chest, and he stumbles backward but rights himself quickly. “I’ve stayed quiet for too long. You don’t get to ruin everything and talk to her too.”

He holds his palms out in front of his body. “I don’t want to fight you. I didn’t ruin anything that wasn’t already ruined. She’s not yours anymore, either. Like I said, she called me .”

Rage boils, and I think I will hit him—clock this asshole in the face so many times that his face will never be considered pretty. “Why did she call you?”

He clears his throat. “Let’s get out of here. The gym, yeah? We can talk somewhere else,” he says, subtly glancing around us to force me to notice our audience. Everyone knows our business anyway, but he’s right. I don’t want to be the unstable bastard of the bunch. There’s always one.

Brushing his shoulder on my way by, I storm out of the room and head for my locker. Someone catcalls, and another person growls. Goddamn animals.

Moose follows me. I hear his boots heavy on the cement floor.

“You’re supposed to be my best friend,” I say.

“I am your fucking best friend. I should have knocked you the fuck out in there, Smith. You’re raving mad.”

I turn. “I’ve lost everything. Everything.”

He shakes his head. We’re alone in the hallway leading to our cages. “You have your life. Or have you already forgotten how lucky you are to have that? I surely didn’t forget. You haven’t lost everything. She calls me to ask about you,” he whispers. His gaze turns serious.

“Isn’t that fucking bullshit? She forbids me from talking to her friends, and yet she’s allowed to do whatever the hell she wants?

She breaks up my engagement. Well, you both did that, and Carina gets to come out on the other side as the good guy.

” I’m vibrating with anger. I’m going to hit something, and I don’t want it to be Moose.

The wall is closest, and I punch it swiftly once.

The crunch echoes, and blood sprays everywhere, splattering against the white stucco.

“Jesus Christ. I won’t tell her that,” he says, shaking his head. “The fact she cares enough to call me is a good sign. Go over there. I have to get to the meeting room. We’re taking off tonight. Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” I growl. Grabbing my wounded fist, I pull it against my chest. “I’m going to call her from the office phone.”

“That’s a fabulous idea,” Moose says, using a tone you’d use with a child.

“Smith. I’m sorry. As fucked up as it sounds, I kind of did you a favor.

Until you realize that, know I’m sorry. Okay?

” He hasn’t said that to my face yet. Part of me doesn’t want to hear it, because it validates the fact that he disrespected our friendship.

I meet his gaze only briefly. It’s enough to tell exactly what he’s apologizing for.

Everything. “I’ll see you soon.” He clears his throat, unsure if I’m going to respond.

I nod. “Don’t mention it. Kick ass,” I reply.

He turns and leaves with a nod and smile. I’ve forgiven him, and I’m not sure I had anything to forgive. He’s the better choice for Megan.

I try to put my fists through solid walls because of Carina. It was never fair to hold on to Megan. I was selfish in my pursuit to honor Henry’s memory. I’m not ready to admit it, but Moose did do me a favor.