Page 75 of The Fault in Our Stars

I nodded into his shirt.

“Gives you an idea how I feel about you,” he said.

My old man. He always knew just what to say.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

A couple days later, I got up around noon and drove over to Isaac’s house. He answered the door himself. “My mom took Graham to a movie,” he said.

“We should go do something,” I said.

“Can the something be play blind-guy video games while sitting on the couch?”

“Yeah, that’s just the kind of something I had in mind.”

So we sat there for a couple hours talking to the screen together, navigating this invisible labyrinthine cave without a single lumen of light. The most entertaining part of the game by far was trying to get the computer to engage us in humorous conversation:

Me: “Touch the cave wall.”

Computer: “You touch the cave wall. It is moist.”

Isaac: “Lick the cave wall.”

Computer: “I do not understand. Repeat?”

Me: “Hump the moist cave wall.”

Computer: “You attempt to jump. You hit your head.”

Isaac: “Not jump. HUMP.”

Computer: “I don’t understand.”

Isaac: “Dude, I’ve been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL.”

Computer: “You attempt to ju—”

Me: “Thrust pelvis against the cave wall.”

Computer: “I do not—”

Isaac: “Make sweet love to the cave.”

Computer: “I do not—”

Me: “FINE. Follow left branch.”

Computer: “You follow the left branch. The passage narrows.”

Me: “Crawl.”

Computer: “You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows.”

Me: “Snake crawl.”

Computer: “You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a mound of small rocks blocking the passageway.”

Me: “Can I hump the cave now?”