Page 67 of The Enforcer’s Revenge (Untamed Hearts #4)
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
T ino realized once they got back to Tony’s car that he had nowhere to go.
He couldn’t go home to Romeo’s place. Not in the state he was in right now. He couldn’t even remotely tap into the brother Romeo knew after the night he’d had. That Tino was buried so deep it felt like he’d never dig him out again.
Usually, when enforcer work had him this out of touch with reality, Tino would go to Carina’s place, and he’d hide with Brianna until he was normal again.
Now that wasn’t an option.
He could stay in Nova’s apartment. He had a second bedroom there. That was probably his best choice, so he asked, “You think Nova’s fucking Carmen?”
“I mean…” Tony tilted his head and winced. “I hope not, but probably.”
“I’m kinda pissed about that,” Tino mumbled, feeling embarrassed.
“I feel like I’m failing Lola by letting her sister get tangled up with Nova, but he fucks in our circle all the time.
He’ll keep it casual and get her enrolled in college after they’re done.
All his hookups end up in college. It’s weird.
What do all these chicks talk about in Casanova’s bedroom? Math?”
“He does love talking about math.” Tony laughed. “But I’m more worried about him than her if we’re being honest.”
“Is it something I need to know?” Tino remembered that Tony was harboring a secret about Carmen. He knew she talked to Nova about it, but still. “She was in Tampa, stripping. We did kill her bouncers. No doubt it’s a shitshow, and it is my job to protect him.”
“I’m sure he can handle it.” Tony shrugged. “Do you want me to take you to the Zu’s place?”
Tino considered it and then shook his head.
“No, I can’t stomp on his game like that.
He was working hard at it the entire ride home from Tampa after he got shot.
It was actually kinda impressive, that much game with a fucking bullet in his chest. You’ll have to drop me off at a hotel.
I have safe houses, but there’s never food there. I’d rather have room service.”
“Tino, I’m not gonna leave you alone at a hotel.” Tony snorted like it was ridiculous. “Why don’t you just come back to our place? It’s right up the street.”
“You know I can’t do that.” Tino gave him a look.
“Maria will have her hands in my pocket in five seconds. I know you want me to give up the blow, but with everything going on right now… Breaking up with Brianna, and Lola dying. My Zio missing and blowing up the Brambinos. I don’t think reality is a good idea.
I’d fucking blow my brains out if I had to be sober for it.
I’m barely hanging on as it is. I just can’t handle stuff like that without a false sense of well-being.
I don’t think I ever will. No lie. I can’t do it without help. ”
“I know you’re a sensitive guy.” Tony gave him a genuine smile. “It’s okay.”
“Wonderful. I’m sensitive now.” Tino let out a laugh, but it sounded more like a sob. He put a hand to his eyes and fought against breaking down as the two of them sat in the hospital parking lot. “What a great enforcer trait. That’s gonna help us a lot with this war.”
“You’re an awesome enforcer, man. Don’t be hard on yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling things.
That’s the reason women like you so much.
” Tony sounded honest. “They liked you a lot more than me because you were always a real sensitive guy, and women pick up on it. Not just clients but our girls, too. They knew you cared. They believed that shit.” He studied him curiously. “What’s it like?”
“It sucks, Tony,” Tino assured him as he wiped his face with frustration when he lost the fight against crying. “It sucks hard. It’s fucking awful. I wish I was like you.”
“No, you don’t. It’s just radio silence in here.
” Tony leaned over and hugged him, pulling him into his arms in a way that almost worked.
He rubbed Tino’s back and, after one long moment, whispered, “Look at you, being a good influence on me. I’m all normal over here.
I won’t even offer to suck your dick to make you feel better. ”
“Oh my God.” Tino started laughing. He couldn’t believe it. He tried to pull away, but Tony wouldn’t let him. “Seriously, don’t be offering. That’s usually what I do to come down from shit like this. You might end up choking on it.”
“Do I get a Lexus for the effort?” Tony asked curiously.
Tino laughed harder and finally succeeded in pulling away. He fell back against the seat. “Just drop me at a hotel. I promise I won’t take myself out. I know Nova needs me for this war. I’ll try to sleep for a few hours, and then I’m gonna look for my zio—that’s it.
“We can just leave it in the car. We won’t tell her.”
“Trust me, she’s gonna know. She’s paying attention. It was the whole foundation of our relationship for years.”
“It wasn’t the whole foundation ,” Tony argued. “Like twenty percent at most. She liked the pills you gave her, but big deal. You gave everyone stuff. That’s one of the reasons you were so popular. Everyone liked the drugs you gave them—I liked them too.”
“Thank you, Tony, you’re making me feel really good about myself.
” Tino shook his head when he remembered the small fortune in drugs he gave to his friends suffering through the same reality as him.
“Jesus Christ, why did I do that? I handed out so much molly back in the day, and I split my oxys with Maria every time I got a new bottle because I was a team player . Half the reason she needs to be on the cleanse is probably because of me.” He was quiet at that and looked back to Tony. “I was worse than Dr. Acciai.”
“Well, for me,” Tony shrugged again, “the molly was pretty valuable. It helped. A lot.”
“You used it for work, I know.” Tino sighed.
“You never wasted drugs. I always appreciated that. I had a hang-up about people wasting drugs and just blowing through them, not saving them for survival. I was obsessive about rationing my shit. I still do it. I never stopped. It’s just survival is like all the time now, so…
” He looked at Tony seriously, studying his face in the early morning sunshine.
“I’m doing the right thing, pushing Brianna away, I know it.
” He wiped at his cheeks when Tony’s gift for distracting him wore off again, and more tears rolled down his face.
He could barely breathe through the pain in his chest. “I feel like I’m dying, though. ”
“And I got zero advice to give you.” Tony started his car and put his hand on Tino’s seat to back up. “I like pussy a lot, but I don’t get it at all.”
“What if you lost Maria?” Tino asked him and took another long, shuddering breath to keep from breaking down.
Tony was quiet while he drove toward the parking lot exit. It was obvious he was thinking about it, trying to imagine a life without Maria in it. “I dunno, I guess I’d probably have to kill myself.”
Tino held up his hands when Tony looked over to him. “That’s how I feel, like none of it is fucking worth it.”
“It’s not the same. You’re still Tino, even without your girl.
” Tony flipped on his blinker and double checked if the way was clear before he turned out of the hospital parking lot.
“You still know how to be human. You still feel things. I see you doing it right now.” He shrugged again when he started driving on the main road.
“I was nothing, like actually nothing, when Maria and I became friends. Just empty. I barely talked, but she’s sensitive like you.
She cared, even though I was like a statue sitting there next to her.
She cleaned me up. Washed my hair. Cut it.
Carmine figured out I was more alive with her around and paired us up, so I just became Maria’s friend—that’s who I was after that.
We made up the game. I got to take care of her and keep her away from the mean ones.
I like that guy, Maria’s friend. He’s a good guy. ”
“Maria’s friend protected a lot of people,” Tino agreed as he swallowed past all the pain in his chest. “He kept all of us away from the mean ones. He put up with a lot of shit. He’s a rockstar.”
“Yeah, he did alright,” Tony agreed. “I don’t know how to be Tony by myself. Maria’s friend Tony, I can do that, but if there was no Maria?” He shrugged. “I’m not sure what I’d be, but probably something not good.”
“I get it,” Tino whispered and wiped at his cheeks once more, desperate for a reason to keep breathing.
He wasn’t sure how to keep going when Brianna represented so much he liked about being alive.
“I don’t have radio silence without Brianna, but I’m a different person with different people.
And I like some Tinos more than others.”
“Oh yeah?” Tony looked at him curiously. “What’s your favorite Tino?”
“Probably the one I am with my brother Romeo.” Tino raised his eyebrows wistfully. “His life’s very simple. Nova made him rich, and most of the time he just fucks around, does a lotta martial arts, and watches old Bruce Lee movies and anime.”
Tony laughed. “Sounds boring as fuck.”
“Nah, he’s funny. He keeps things light. Nothing’s too serious around him, and he doesn’t have a lotta problems or addictions. That’s why I like him the most. He doesn’t have to constantly own up to all this bullshit.”
“And after that? Which Tino is your second favorite?”