Page 9

Chapter nine

I n the alleyway, the void reacted with a sharp tug. Like the place itself had yanked a section out of him. He took a moment to catch his breath, bracing his hands on his thighs, bending forward.

“All right?” Hallow wasn’t looking at him but he must have sensed something. He touched Ash’s shoulder gently.

“Yeah, it’s my void.” Ash straightened up. “I’m all right.”

Hallow squinting into the distance, facing away. “Good, because I think it’s here. That shape… run!”

Ash didn’t have to be told twice. He took Hallow’s hand and ran back towards the door that would take them home.

Thundering steps followed accompanied by a horrible roar.

“Hold on.” Hallow turned, not dropping Ash’s hand, and threw a ball of light back towards the sound. “Shit.”

Ash’s blood was already up, but the repeated swearing from Hallow panicked him even more.

Hallow yanked hard on Ash’s arm, urging him faster. His eyes scanned the doors on either side of the alleyway trying to see the bandanna and their way home.

The footsteps got louder, closer. Ash didn’t want to know what might happen if the thing caught them. He skidded to a stop and yanked on the nearest doorknob, dashing through, with Hallow right behind them.

“What are you doing?”

“Buying us some time.” Once Hallow was through the door, Ash closed it, but not quickly enough to avoid a glimpse of The Quetch. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see it. But the image of something huge, draped in grey shadows and with burning yellow eyes was seared onto his retinas. The hand, huge and clawed, reached towards him.

He slammed the door before it touched him. He held the knob of the door and braced his shoulder against it. “Can it follow us?”

Hallow shook his head. “It’s bound to the alleyway. But it knows we’re here, we can’t go back out right away.”

Ash’s nose twitched, was that sea salt?

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

They turned to assess the person who had spoken.

Ash gasped. They weren’t in a room at all, but on a beach under a balmy night sky. The man who had addressed them looked formidable, a certain blueish grey tinge to his skin and intense eyes. He wore a tattered robe over pants that reached just below his knees, and he stood barefoot in the shallowest part of the waves.

The sky above was indigo, tinged with purple, and the Milky Way shone like a pathway across it.

“Far out.” Ash turned back to the door, which from this side, was embedded into the sheer face of a craggy cliff.

“Yes, I’ve never seen a door there before, myself. Most interesting.” The blue-man licked his lips.

Something in his manner made Ash queasy.

Hallow must have had a bad vibe as well, because he adopted a fighting stance, legs braced against the sand and hands raised palms out. “We won’t stay. We’re only here for a moment.” Ash had never heard him sound so hard and serious. He kept his hand on the doorknob.

“No need to be afraid.” The man moved one foot out of the surf and up the beach, leaving his other rooted in the wet sand. His eyes were intense. “You’ve come to my island, my island is me. You are standing on the source of my powers, and if I wish you to stay, you will.”

Ash struggled to look away. “Hallow, I don’t like this.”

“Open the door,” Hallow whispered. “I’ll delay him.”

The man’s face contorted into something almost demonic. He raised both hands and Ash felt a thrumming in the air, something terrible was about to happen.

Hallow whispered a few words and flung another ball of light towards the man.

Ash fumbled the door open and fell through. He looked around for the Quetch but the alleyway was empty. He landed on his ass and scrambled to his feet.

Hallow backed through the door, not nearly fast enough for Ash’s liking. He wrapped his arms around Hallow and yanked him back, letting the door crash closed behind them.

Hallow hadn’t expected that, and his momentum was more than Ash had anticipated. They fell over again.

Ash groaned as his ass and then back hit the cobblestones. “What the fuck was that?”

“A witch, a powerful one,” Hallow said. “He definitely didn’t have good intentions.”

Ash could feel Hallow’s chest heaving, from the magic use or the adrenaline most likely. His own chest was tugging again. The void wanted Hallow. Was that a good thing or a bad one?

He loosened his grip on Hallow. “Sorry, I wanted you to be safe quicker.”

“It’s fine.” Hallow flipped himself over and kissed Ash on the mouth. “I appreciate it.” He got to his feet, offering Ash a hand up.

Ash took it, and stood, feeling flummoxed. Was that just a natural kiss that Hallow was used to giving along with thanks? Or did he feel something more for Ash? It was so confusing and now was not the time for pondering. “How did The Quetch vanish? Is it gone or is it still around, invisible or something?”

Hallow shook his head. “I don’t know but I don’t trust it. Let’s get to the door and head back to your home as soon as we can.” He turned in the direction of their door and started walking. “Good thinking on your part, grabbing a door. Saved our hides, my magic bounced right off it.”

“Shit. Let’s hurry then.”

The bandanna caught Ash’s eye up ahead and he pointed.

Hallow broke into a run and Ash did too. A howl echoed distantly.

Hallow held back to let Ash open the door. Ash crashed into the door and got it open as fast as possible reaching back for Hallow as he stepped through. Hallow caught his hand in an instant and they moved through with a lot more dignity than the last door.

Ash closed it tight behind them.

They were in the backyard of his family house once more. The sunshine, the sound of cars driving past and the smell of cut grass grounded Ash instantly. “Okay. so, that happened.”

“It did.” Hallow frowned. He touched the door frame in each corner, said a couple of words Ash didn’t recognise and then he produced a gossamer shroud and threw it over the door, hiding it from sight.

Ash’s mouth went dry. “How did… Never mind, you’re going to say magic.”

Hallow giggled. “It was magic, you’re right.”

Ash pressed a hand to his own chest, reassured to feel solid flesh, warmth and his own heartbeat under his palm.

“Glad the void is gone?” Hallow moved closer, placing his small hand over the back of Ash’s.

“I’m not sure that it’s really gone when we’re here. It’s not as obvious but I can feel it still.” Ash swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. “I think there’s something broken about me.”

“Well, maybe.” Hallow’s gaze softened and he squeezed Ash’s hand. “But that doesn’t mean anything. You’re still a good and kind person, and you have great potential to heal and grow.”

“You really think so?” Ash didn’t quite dare to hope.

“Yes. And remember, my magic had almost no effect on The Quetch. Without you to open the doors I’d have been stuck again.”

Ash frowned. “I don’t think that means you’re broken, I think The Quetch’s curse on you is effecting that.”

“Maybe.” Hallow wiped the back of his hand over his forehead and took a deep breath. “It’s so bright here, I love it. Like home.”

They stood for a moment, absorbing the sunlight and catching their breath.

Ash pulled out his phone and saw several texts from Willow asking to be picked up. It was late in the day. He had no idea how time worked between dimensions, but he was overdue to collect her. “Shit, I gotta go get Willow. You want to come or stay here?”

“I’ll stay here, get this all tidied up.” As Ash stood, ready to hurry out, Hallow caught his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just… I gotta go.”

Hallow nodded and kissed his cheek. “See you soon.”

Ash smiled, taken aback at the casual affection even though it was hardly the first time Hallow had displayed it.

Willow was chatting with one of the Joyces when Ash pulled up, taking a moment to say goodbye before she got into the car.

“Sorry I’m late.”

Willow waved her hand, dismissive. “We have a detour on the way home. Charli’s ride from netball fell through so we have to pick her up.”

Ash’s heart sank. “Charli,” he breathed. His mind whirled. How to explain Hallow to a tween-aged girl?

“Yeah, her week at her dad’s is up. I told you when you first got here.” She slapped her phone onto the dash mount with GPS open.

Ash’s fear battled with his excitement at finally meeting Charli. They’d video called, lots of times, but it wasn’t the same as existing in the same space.

“How do you want me to introduce Hallow to Charli? As your friend? Your boyfriend?”

Ash’s cheeks warmed. “I mean, she’ll notice he’s sleeping in my room, right? I guess boyfriend is fine.”

Willow clapped her hands together. “I knew it! You love him! He travelled all this way to find you and now you’re together and it’s so. Freaking. Adorable.”

Ash rubbed his burning cheek. “Shut up. It’s not like that, it’s casual. It’s a casual thing. We’re really just friends.”

“Mmhmm.” Willow folded her arms with a distinct air of triumph.

Ash turned the stereo up.

Willow raised her voice. “What I’m saying is he’s fun, he’s hot and he’s clearly into you. Why wouldn’t you embrace that?”

Ash considered. Yeah, Hallow was friendly, sweet and hot. Was he really into him or responding to Hallow’s likeability? Or was Willow noticing Hallow’s touchy-feely nature and reading something more into it? What about the way just thinking about The Quetch made his heart race with concern for Hallow’s safety?

None of it mattered. “He’s not staying though.”

Willow hummed. “How sure are you about that?”

“Very, Will. He has to get home.”

Ash turned the car into the pickup area of the high school car park. The GPS dinged that they were at their destination. Ash looked at the familiar old buildings of his high school, all those years ago. He’d been so unsure, so directionless. Well, some things never changed.

A young woman, practically a carbon copy of his sister at age thirteen, bounded up with a backpack over her shoulder and a large sports bag.

Willow elbowed Ash. “Get out to say hi, she’s a hugger.”

Ash got out of the car, tripped on his own feet and caught himself with one hand on the open car door.

Charli barely waited for him to right himself before she wrapped her arms tight around his waist. “You exist! In three dimensions!”

Ash patted her back, suddenly uncertain of how he should act. After a moment, he hugged her back. She felt familiar as his sister. “Hey Charli, good to see you without a screen dividing us.”

Charli squeezed him with a strength he hadn’t expected from her slim frame, and then let go to look at him more intently. “You’re handsome! My friends can’t ever be allowed to see you, they'd be insufferable.”

Ash laughed. He liked kids in theory, although he’d not had sustained contact with many of them. But there was something about this kid. This progeny of his sister — he cared about her instantly. He wanted to know what she thought about everything, what her dreams were, what she wanted out of life. He wanted to protect her.

Willow hopped out of the car and Charli hugged her next. “He’s so tall, mum!”

Willow nodded. “Yep, some recessive genes or something. He outgrew dad when he was seventeen.”

“I hope I get tall.” Charli threw her bags into the back seat and climbed in after. She talked the entire drive home.

Ash listened, rapt. He learned about her friends at school and her enemies, what classes she was taking, how the netball team was shaping up and how she thought they’d do in the inter-school competition.

He pulled up outside the house with his mind buzzing but for entirely different reasons than before. How would they explain Charli to Hallow? How were he and Hallow going to share a bed without catching feelings? Or... more feelings than Ash was already suppressing? What the hell were they going to do to get Hallow safely home? His head was full of questions without answers.

Charli dumped her bags in the hallway and went straight to the kitchen.

“I’m hitting the shower,” Willow called out.

Ash found Hallow sat in the living room reading a copy of The Changeover by Margaret Mahy. His face lit up when Ash walked in.

“My niece is here, she’s a hugger.” Ash stood in front of Hallow, not really sure what to do with himself. “So am I!” Hallow sat up in anticipation.

Charli bounded in with a muesli bar in one hand. “I’m Charli. Are you Uncle Ash’s boyfriend?”

Hallow’s eyes flicked between Charli and Ash. Finally, he grinned. “I am.”

Ash’s chest filled with pride. It was a lie of course, a convenient one to explain why he was sharing a room, and a bed, with Ash. But Ash liked the sound of it more than he should. His imagination took the phrase and ran with it, instantly bubbling with beautiful possibilities like growing old together and adopting cats and dogs.

He shook it off.

“Cool.” Charli sat beside Hallow. He put his book down, and by some extroverted common agreement, they hugged, each laughing.

Ash sat in the armchair, watching them, his chest full of happiness instead of yearning.

“I like your hair, it’s a very cool shade of pink. Where did you and Ash meet?”

“In a strange alleyway,” Hallow replied.

He looked like he was going to say more so Ash cut in. “In Busan, it’s in South Korea.”

Charli nodded. “I’ve heard of Busan, I listen to BTS. So, tell me everything, what did you first think when you saw him?”

Hallow started to talk, and Ash listened, rapt. Hallow liked him, he shared his first impression of Ash as a steady person.

“I saw him there in this random alleyway and I knew I could trust him.”

Ash’s mouth tugged into a smile. He wanted to be steady and trustworthy for Hallow. He wanted so much, and Hallow spoke so affectionately. Maybe this relationship could work?

But it couldn’t, could it? Loss filled his chest, chasing out the shred of hope he’d had briefly. Hallow was going home to another universe.

Could you grieve for something you’d never even had? That hadn’t in fact, happened?

Hallow started to tell Charli about the places Ash had taken him around Auckland.

Ash decided it’d be better for his heart and his mind if he absented himself. He went upstairs and updated his socials with a picture he’d taken of some native trees.

Did you know most of Aotearoa’s trees are evergreen, not deciduous? They’re all beautiful though. #kiwiboy

Weird to think how easily he could pretend to be happy, when he felt utterly defeated with sadness. How often had he updated his socials and pretended everything was fine?

He should be used to this by now.

Ash took the rubbish out from dinner just as the sun was beginning to set.

The neighbourhood was quiet, uncomfortably so. Usually he’d hear birdsong, kids squabbling and playing, traffic going by, all kinds of ambient noise. Now there was nothing but an anticipatory silence.

Goosebumps prickled his skin. He tried to stash the bag of rubbish in the bin quickly, but his fingers slipped and the lid banged shut again. He swore.

Once the bag was safely inside, he became aware of the distinct sensation of feeling watched. He turned to see a large dog nearby. The collar on its neck indicated it was someone’s pet, but what was it doing around the back of Willow’s house?

The dog, some sort of German Shepherd or Huntaway cross, stared at him intently.

An ancient fear roiled in his stomach. Was the dog watching him because it was going to start barking? Was it going to attack him?

As a kid he’d been terrified of dogs after one snapped at him. He’d largely lost that fear but now it flared up again.

“Good dog.” Ash kept his voice low and soothing. “Good dog. Go home now.”

The dog didn’t respond in any way. It stood as still as a statue, except he could see it was breathing.

Fuck. What should he do? Could he dash back inside quick enough? Ash took a slow step backwards.

The dog moved towards him, a single step. Its lips curled in a snarl, revealing a line of sharp teeth.

Ash froze. How quickly could he make a break for it?

It was a dog, right?

As he stared at it, the dog moved. Not forwards again, not backing up, but stretching. Elongating. The dog’s ears and hackles stretched like a shadow in the late afternoon.

Ash clamped his hand over his mouth to keep from screaming. It was impossible.

Magic.

Dark, scary magic.

Ash bolted for the back door.

The clatter of claws on the cracked concrete behind him was accentuated by a barrage of loud, deep barks.

The dog launched at him, hard paws slamming into his back and knocking him down. He threw his arms out to catch himself. His hands hit the gravel. His wrists jarred with the shock of his weight, his face missing the back stair by an inch.

Snarling, the dog bit his shoulder. Its teeth tore into his flesh.

Ash screamed.

The back door hit the wall as it slammed open. Hallow stood in the door, wings out, hands raised, He blasted pink sparks towards the dog.

The dog yelped and scrabbled off Ash’s back.

Gasping, winded, Ash tried to get up but leaning on his wrist hurt too much.

The dog barked again, lunging towards Ash.

Ash twisted, scooting backwards up the stairs on his ass.

“GET BACK!” Willow’s voice, loud and commanding.

Hallow pressed to one side of the door as a bucketful of water sailed out over Ash’s head. The water hit the dog right on its weirdly distended head.

Hallow stepped forward, putting himself between Ash and the dog. He spoke two words.

The dog shrank back into itself. It was back to ordinary proportions, the aura of menace facing entirely.

“Christ on a bike.” Willow pushed past Ash to grab the dog by the collar. “That’s the Singh’s dog. How’d you get out, eh? Why are you going after Ash like that?”

The dog gave her a sappy look and a gentle ‘wuff.’

“I’ll get him home. You two...” She glanced back at Hallow with his glowing hands and iridescent wings and shook her head. “Get back inside before the neighbours see.”

Hallow pulled Ash to his feet and they turned to do as she said. Charli stood right inside with a hand over her mouth and her eyes glued to Hallow’s wings.

Ash pulled the door closed and cradled his arm. “I guess you have some questions.”

Charli dropped her hand. “Uh, yeah!”

“Let’s wait until Willow gets back.”

“Let me see your arms.” Hallow reached for Ash’s hands.

Ash held them out for him. He twisted his neck, trying to see what the dog had done to his shoulder.

Hallow gently placed his palms on his skin. The pink glow warmed him, and the pain faded into tingles of magic as the pain dissipated.

As soon as he was done, Hallow’s eyelids flickered, and his knees buckled.

Ash caught him before he hit the wall or the ground. “Shit.”

“What’s happening?” Charli immediately inserted herself under Hallow’s arm, taking some of his weight.

“Not entirely sure, but my guess is he’s overdone it.”

Between them, they lugged Hallow into the lounge and settled him on the couch.

Ash’s stomach knotted with fear. Hallow was barely breathing, and his body was limp. “Hal, you okay? Hallow? Please answer me.”

Hallow’s eyes fluttered open and he reached a hand weakly towards Ash’s face.

“Ash, darling...” His eyes closed and his hand lowered. “Tired.”

“Of course. You okay here? I can carry you upstairs if you’d rather be in bed?”

But Hallow was already breathing the deep, even rhythm of sleep.

Charli found an old quilt and spread it over him. She looked up at Ash with large, round eyes. “He has wings.”

“Yeah.” Ash wanted to stay here with Hallow, to hold him, make sure he was going to be alright. But Charli needed answers, Willow too. He squeezed Hallow’s hand then placed it on his chest.

Willow walked in the front door, took in the scene in the living room with one glance and clapped her hands. “Tea. And explanations.”

Charli and Ash followed Willow into the kitchen. They sat quietly while she moved around the kitchen, making tea with the same bottled annoyance Ash remembered from his mother. Passive aggression with the emphasis on aggression. Cupboards slammed shut. Teaspoons jangled into cups. The fridge door lost a magnet as she threw it open.

Finally, she set the mugs in front of each of them and the biscuit tin in the middle of the table with a clang. She pulled it open, withdrew a shortbread finger and pointed it at Ash.

“Explain.”

Ash hesitated, trying to frame the situation that would sound reasonable, that wouldn’t make him look like he’d been hiding something huge from her... No words came. This was simply too weird to explain rationally. He swallowed a gulp of too-hot tea and came out with it.

“Hallow isn’t from our world.” Willow’s expression made him falter, but he knew he had to barrel on. “Unbelievable as it sounds, he’s a magic being from another world, another dimension. He didn’t fly in on a plane, he came to me from my dream. I dreamed I saw him, and he used magic to appear here. He’s being hunted by a monster. We were trying to find out more this afternoon and I guess it’s fighting back.” He blew on his tea, giving his words a moment to sink in.

Willow made an ambiguous ‘mm’ noise.

“This monster, I think that’s what happened to the dog. Somehow, the monster came through from another world and possessed it. Something... something like that. I don’t fully understand magic, yet. It’s unclear.” He took a biscuit and chewed it, waiting for them to respond. He expected Willow would shout him down. Charli? He wasn’t sure how she’d react.

“That is SO COOL!” Charli squealed. She pulled out her phone. “I wanna get some photos of Hallow with his wings out, my friends will freak out!”

Willow and Ash said “No” at the exact same moment.

“He’s asleep, that’s creepy, I forbid it.” Willow said.

Charli set her phone down with a reluctant, “okay.”

“Also a general no to posting pictures of him anywhere online including in a private message,” Ash added. “With that thing looking for him, it’s really important he keep a low profile.”Willow sipped her tea. “So, he healed your wounds with magic, is that right?”

“Yes, now he’s sleeping off the exertion. He’s been weakened by the monster and using magic wears him out.”

Willow nodded as if this was expected. “I’m going to need a bit of time to process this. But after what I saw in the backyard, the way that dog acted... I have to accept it.”

Charli looked between them, confused. “Wait, does that mean you can do magic, Uncle Ash?”

“I...well, yes. I can. Sort of.”

“I can’t believe it! Show me!”

“We’ve had enough magic for now.” Willow picked up her phone. “Go wash up and get ready for bed, Charli.”

“But Mum…” “I mean it Charli. Ash and Hal will still be here tomorrow. Your uncle and I need to have a talk.”

Ash swallowed. The word talk in that context shared the shit out of him.

Charli must have picked up on it too, because she squeezed his hand. “It was knowing you, Uncle Ash.”

Charli left the room.

Ash looked at his sister in wonder. He’d expected her to shout him down, to tell him he was crazy. “I don’t get it.” His chest constricted, an echo of the fear he’d felt staring down the dog. “I told you something unbelievable, and you’re barely reacting.”

“Ash.” Willow drained her teacup. “You’re my baby brother, and I love you. I’m absolutely fucking sick of your bullshit.”

“My bullshit?” Ash blinked. “You saw Hallow do magic, you said you had to believe me because of the dog.”

“I did. And I’ve had it. You galivant off overseas, leaving me and Dad behind. You didn’t come back when I had Charli, or when I went through a nightmare of a divorce. You wouldn’t even come back when Dad was diagnosed.”

Ash’s tongue felt like sandpaper. “I was out of cell service, I didn’t know...”

“You knew he was sick. You knew, you could have flown home from wherever you were, and you went to Tibet! You ran away!”

Ash felt her words like a solid punch to the stomach. Shame washed over him. His shoulders sagged and he hung his head.

“You came back, you haven’t even met Charli before and now — You haven’t even gone to see Dad! I told him you were coming home, and he’s been waiting. You’ll do literally anything rather than face the real world. To face your responsibilities—”

Ash lifted his head. “That’s not fair. I didn’t bring Hal here on purpose!”

Willow hissed in frustration. “I know that. I’m just fucking sick of being the responsible one.”

The yawning hole in Ash’s chest stretched wide. He was trash. Everything his sister said was true. He had avoided mundanity as much as he could, but that had meant abandoning his family. His blood relatives. He quite literally owed them his life and he’d done exactly what he pleased with it. Taken no responsibility. “I’m sorry, Willow.”

“Really?” She raised her eyebrows.

“Really.” He swallowed. How could he possibly repair the damage he’d done?

Willow set her cup down and swiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. “Is Hal going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I think so. He said he was tired though.”

“That’s good. Have you... what are you—” Willow took a deep breath. “I don’t even know what I should be asking you.”

“I don’t have a plan.” Ash looked at his hands. Maybe it was a sibling thing, but he’d known exactly what she meant. It was something he’d forgotten, that easy understanding. How comfortable he was around her. He’d left that behind, too. “I’m doing my best to deal with all of this, but I don’t know. I’ll go see Dad tomorrow. I’ll do more chores around the house. I’ll pick up Charli tomorrow, just tell me what you need.”

Willow wiped her eyes again. “That’s a start.”

“I’ll keep Charli out of whatever weird magic stuff is going to happen.”

Willow snorted. “Good luck with that.”

Ash dared to smile.

Willow caught his eye.

Then they were laughing. Suddenly, inexplicably, laughing together like they were children again. The tension melted out of Ash’s shoulders and tears ran down his face. Willow clutched her side, holding onto the back of the chair with her other hand and they laughed.

Finally, Willow caught her breath enough to speak. “You were never a wife and kids guy,” she said. “Not the settle down on the same road as your folks and spend your weekends mowing the lawn guy. We all knew it. Mum used to call you her wandering rain cloud, like in Winnie the Pooh.”

“I remember.” Ash sipped his tea, feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

“Still, it would have made a difference if you’d come home more often.”

Ash dropped his eyes to the table. He should have known Willow wouldn’t let him off that easily. “I know. Sometimes it was a cash thing, but — I think — mostly I was afraid. Afraid of being trapped here. Becoming another kiwi bloke who never amounted to much. Mowing lawns all weekend, like you said.”

Willow raised her eyebrows. “It’s not all bad, you know.”

“Charli’s amazing.” Ash offered it as an olive branch. He didn’t know how to tell Willow that he admired and respected her life, but it simply wasn’t for him.

“I really am.” Charli walked in, dressed in blue, starry pyjamas. She kissed Willow on the cheek and then Ash, who gave her a one-armed hug.

“G’night, Charli.”

“See you in the morning,” his niece replied.

“I’ll be up in a minute to tuck you in,” Willow said.

Charli headed up the stairs.

In the silence that followed, a thousand platitudes occurred to Ash but he swallowed them all down. This was a real conversation, it was important, and he wanted to hold onto it. Be as honest as he could with his older sister. “You have done amazing things.”

Willow snorted. “I haven’t climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, visited Angkor Wat or gone up the Chrysler Building.” “I haven’t been up Kilimanjaro either.”

She sighed, looking back at him. “No. But I’ve been happy enough. Aside from the divorce and Dad deteriorating, and all that. It’s not been terrible.”

“I’m sorry.” Ash willed every bit of regret he felt to be heard in his words. “I should have come back to help you out.”

Willow looked deep into his eyes, searching, and finally relaxed, her hands on the table. “Thanks. I needed to hear that, I think.”

He laid his own hand over hers.

“Have you been happy, Ash? I mean, I know Insta is curated and sometimes it’s seemed like you’re genuinely blissed out, but I’ve always wondered. Does it really make you happy?”

Ash thought he knew the answer to this. He’d been happy while he travelled. He’d had moments of complete euphoria, but like everything, it was fleeting. He’d always been trying to outrun his sadness. His fear. “It didn’t... make me unhappy?”

Willow raised an eyebrow. “It was what I needed to be doing but.” He swallowed. He’d committed to an honest conversation. “In the other world, the magical parallel dimension, I have this hole in my chest.” He tapped his chest, relieved to feel it solid. “Not just a hole, it’s like this void of nothingness. It’s terrifying, but it’s also exactly how I feel a lot of the time. Or, how I used to feel. Being home and talking with you, meeting Charli, and being with Hallow? It doesn’t feel as awful any more.”

Willow’s sceptical expression had softened. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s a work in progress. I know I haven’t been a good uncle and I haven’t been there for you, but I want to change that going forward. I don’t know what’s going to happen with getting Hallow home, and what happens after that, but I really... I really want to make something work that allows me to see all of you. To make a life here, and with Hallow. I have no idea if that’s even possible, but as I’m talking, I realise that’s absolutely what I want.”

Ash heard his own words. He hadn’t realised he was yearning for a life with Hallow until this moment. Hallow had come to mean so much to him in the past few days it was impossible to imagine a future without him. He breathed out heavily. Was he allowed to want that?

Willow squeezed his hand. “We’ll find a way.”

They sat for a few moments, holding hands. Ash breathed through the emotions and willed himself not to cry.

Willow wiped her eyes with her free hand and cleared her throat. “That’s about enough dispelling generational trauma for now. I’m gonna make sure Charli is actually in bed and not live streaming Hallow.”

Ash chuckled. “I’ll take him up to bed.”

As he walked into the living room, Hallow woke up, pulling himself into a sitting position. His hair was cutely dishevelled.

“How are you feeling?” Ash stopped beside him, touching his hair gently. Hallow rubbed his cheek. “Awful. Exhausted.”

“Come on, I’ll help you to bed.” Ash tugged the blanket off and offered Hallow his hand. Hallow hauled himself up. Once upright, he swayed and grabbed Ash’s arm. “Whoops!”

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Ash slipped his arm around Halow’s waist and helped him up the stairs to bed.

Hallow didn’t bother with pyjamas, just stripped off and fell into bed. He fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

Ash brushed his teeth, changed into PJs and climbed in beside him.

In his sleep, Hallow reached for him. Ash flicked the lights off and cuddled up to Hallow. The talk with Willow had been good for him, he could feel it. But her words still stung. He had to do better. If he was going to earn a future with Hallow, he had to do better than he’d ever done before.

For now, he let Hallow’s warmth and slow, steady breathing lull him to sleep.