Page 19 of The Earl’s Tempting Ward (Dukes Gone Dirty #2)

19

B enedict could hardly see more than a foot in front of his face, the rain was so blinding.

“Which way?” Hayden shouted.

Raff was leading his steed to a copse of trees off the road to get some shelter from the piercing, cold rain.

Hayden and Benedict followed.

“We’ll need to wait it out,” Raff said. “Just until it lightens.”

Benedict nodded, his jaw too tightly clenched to speak. This fear was intolerable, so much worse than the anger.

Anger he could handle. Even the past year’s shame and regret he could manage to keep in check. But fearing for Philippa was threatening to tear him apart.

His sanity was on the brink, and only the knowledge that she needed him had him holding himself together.

“We’ll find her, Benedict.” Hayden was uncharacteristically solemn beside him.

Benedict nodded. It was all he could do.

“We’ll find them,” Raff repeated, his features set in a glower as he tightened his grip on his reins. “And when we do, I’ll do what I should have done the moment Foley entered our lives. I’ll kill the bloody knave.”

Benedict wished he could feel anger toward Foley. He would…once Philippa was safe in his arms.

He’d relish murderous rage right about now. Anything other than this terrifying sensation that something more precious than his own life was at stake and there was nothing he could do about it.

Philippa meant more to him than anything. She was his heart now; she’d taken up residence inside his chest and there she would stay…whether or not she returned.

Why hadn’t he told her that when he’d had the chance?

“We’ll find her, Benedict.” Raff repeated Hayden’s vow, and Benedict gave another short nod. He would find her. Even if he had to travel to the ends of earth or steal her back using nefarious means or?—

He blinked as a dark form took shape in the distance. Peering through the rain, he wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him.

Who would be riding like hell was nipping at their heels in weather like this? It was reckless and?—

His heart leapt into a gallop as hope ran roughshod over sense.

“Benedict, where are you going?” Hayden shouted after him.

He didn’t pause to answer, nudging his horse into a trot to head out from under the protection of the leaves for a better view. With the pouring down in sheets and trickling into his eyes, it was impossible to see much more than a brown mare, a dark, huddled figure and…

Red hair.

Tendrils clung to her cheek, but he caught the vivid red of her hair as it peeked out from beneath her hood. He rode directly into her path. “Philippa!”

Her head came up and with wide eyes she pulled on the reins, bringing the horse up on its hind legs.

For a second his heart faltered. He was certain she’d lose her grip and her balance between the rearing horse and the unforgiving rain. But she clung to its neck and through the rain he could hear her murmuring to the mare as she slid down.

He was already there waiting for her, collecting her into his arms and holding her to his chest before her feet could even touch the ground.

Her arms wrapped around him, and she buried her face in his neck with a sob. “I’m sorry,” she wept next to his ear. “I’m so sorry.”

For a long moment, he could say nothing. All he could do was hold her tight, reassuring himself that she was here. That she was safe and whole and in his arms.

Exactly where she belonged.

“I’m so sorry,” she kept repeating, her words interrupted by hiccupping sobs as she clung to him. He shifted her in his arms so she was cradled against his chest like a babe.

“Is she all right?” Raff asked. He and Hayden had left their horses to rush over.

“Are you hurt, love?” he asked.

She nodded against him.

“She will be,” he answered Raff. “I have to get her home.”

“Where’s Foley?” Raff was looking behind her in confusion.

For good reason. Now that Benedict’s heart was functioning and the tight knot of fear was dissolving, his mind was filled with questions.

Where was Foley? And what had she been doing riding in this weather by herself…back toward London?

Had something happened? He squeezed her even tighter, his gaze raking over her. Aside from the tears, she seemed to be uninjured. Hope filled him suddenly. Had she been coming back to him?

She lifted her head and finally stopped saying she was sorry to speak to Raff directly. “I left Foley at the inn about two miles down the road. He’ll still be there.”

“How do you know?” Raff asked.

She sniffled loudly. “Because I got him drunk and took his horse.”

For a moment all three men stared at her. But then Hayden and Raff looked at Benedict and he could see them battling amusement. “We’ll go deal with Foley,” Hayden said. “You get your lady home safe.”

He nodded his thanks. For all the anger that normally coursed through his veins, he couldn’t even muster up a grudge against Foley at the moment.

All that mattered was here in his arms, and Foley could be left to rot for all he cared.

“Easy, love,” he said when she started weeping all over again, burying her face in his neck. “I’ve got you.”

* * *

Hours later, his love was dry and warm, wrapped in blankets before a roaring fire.

“I am sorry, Benedict,” she said. Her eyes were puffy, her nose red, but she’d ceased weeping, and for that he was infinitely grateful.

He never felt more helpless than when watching Philippa cry.

He tugged her closer against his side, using his body to keep her warm. “So you’ve said.” With a smirk, he added, “Many times.”

“Will you forgive me?” Her eyes were wide and still wet from her earlier tears.

He sighed, reaching out a hand to tilt her chin up so she was forced to meet his gaze directly. “Love, I think the real question is…will you forgive yourself?”

She was quiet, her lips pressing together as she swallowed hard. Finally she nodded. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you?—”

“I know,” he said.

“I left because I felt I didn’t deserve what you were offering.”

“I know that too.” He moved his hand so he was cupping her cheek. Never had anyone or anything been so precious to him as this woman.

It was terrifying and perfect. To have all his priorities, his goals and dreams and vision of the future so totally shifted because of one woman…

Well, it was life changing. She gave him a future where before he’d only had duty and obligation. If only he could give her the same. He wanted to, but it was becoming clear that she had to want it too.

“And now?” he asked. “What changed, love? Why did you come back?”

Her lips trembled and she pressed her cheek into his hand like she could soak up his warmth. “I don’t know if I’ll ever fully forgive myself for my reckless actions,” she said slowly. “And truthfully, I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like I deserve you.”

His heart clenched painfully as her voice hitched.

“But listening to Foley talk, seeing how he wasn’t acting but rather reacting to his father’s opinions of him…” She shook her head. “I suppose I saw it then. Just how much I’d been basing my decisions and my actions on others’ opinions. I don’t believe that I am so very wicked.”

His chest tightened again at the conflict in her eyes as she tried to sort through her feelings and her beliefs.

“I know that I never set out to hurt anyone,” she said slowly. “I know I have my faults, but I also know…” Her gaze met his and she reached a hand up to cover his. “I also know I have a lot of love to give.”

He slid his hand around to the back of her head and tugged her close for a hard kiss. He couldn’t speak if he tried, but he could show her what that meant to him.

“I’m responsible for my own actions from here on out,” she said, her voice firm. “I’ll not let my past dictate my future.”

Pride made his heart swell as he watched his little spitfire become stronger right in front of his eyes.

“I choose who I want to be,” she said.

A smile tugged at his lips. “And who is that?”

Her eyes welled with tears, but so much of the pain that clouded them lifted as she spoke. “Your wife.”

“Love,” he growled, tugging her into his arms.

“The mother of your children,” she continued.

He kissed her hard, his lips claiming hers and his tongue tasting her sweet warmth. “I love you,” he rasped when he finally pulled back. “I should have told you before. I should have said it the moment I’d realized?—”

“I love you too.” She interrupted him with a breathy whisper, her voice thick with emotions as she leaned into his embrace and buried her face in his neck. “I love you so much, Benedict. I knew that even before I left, I just…I’m so sorry it took nearly losing you for me to realize that hurting us both wouldn’t make up for my past.”

He kissed her temple, stroked her back. “I would have tracked you down, you know. You wouldn’t have been able to run from me forever.”

He felt her smile against his cheek. “I know.”

His arms tightened around her and for a long moment they held each other, reassuring themselves that no one was going anywhere.

“It was so foolish to try and run from my past, when what I should have been doing was embracing my future.” She turned to rest her forehead against his. “And you are my future.”

They were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door before his mother poked her head in. She wore a frown as she studied them both. “Where did you two get off to in this wretched weather?”

He and Philippa exchanged a wary look. The fewer people who knew about her near desertion the better. He had no doubt Raff and Hayden would ensure Foley’s silence, but he didn’t relish lying to his mother.

Luckily, she seemed to realize no answer was forthcoming. Her gaze met Philippa’s. “Doesn’t matter. What matters now is that you are here. With us.” Her eyes darted over to meet Benedict’s. “With family.”

Philippa rested a hand on his arm and squeezed as Benedict gave his mother a short nod of understanding.

It wasn’t much of an olive branch, but they were heading in the right direction. All of them. It might not be easy, but together they would be a family and they’d teach each other how to forgive and how to move forward.

His mother left them again, and for a long while they sat together in silence, each lost in memories and thoughts about the past and the future.

After a long while, Philippa rested her head against his shoulder with a sigh. “I am sorry, you know. I promise you I won’t do anything to take your love for granted ever again.”

“You’d better not,” he said gruffly, his lips pressed against her hair. “You’re mine now, you know. You’re mine and I’m never letting you go.”

He felt her smile against his lips as she kissed him sweetly. “I am yours, my lord.” The hint of mischief in her voice had his cock stirring like a dog begging for a bone. He growled, loving her giggle as she shifted in his arms, pressing her soft curves into his hard chest.

“It was awfully naughty of me to run off though, don’t you think?” she asked, her voice so breathless he couldn’t help but nip at her neck.

“Naughty? It was outright disobedient, love.”

Her breathing grew shallow and her hands insistent as he tugged her onto his lap. His hard length dug into her bottom.

“Oh dear,” she whispered. “It sounds like I’m in trouble.”

He half laughed and half growled as he shifted her in his arms, his saucy little minx. “Oh my love. It’s time we teach you a lesson then...”

“Yes, please,” she sighed, her thighs already parting to straddle him. “Show me how I can make it up to you.”

He tugged up her skirts and nipped at her lower lip. “I’ll do better than that, pet. I’ll show you just how much I love you. Exactly how you are. Good, bad, naughty, or wicked. I love you. All of you.”

Her eyes were wet with tears as she leaned back to look at him. “I love you too, Benedict. And right here with you…I have the family I’ve always wanted.” She swallowed thickly as she gave him a watery smile. “ You are the family I’ve always deserved.”