Page 18 of The Duke’s Spinster (Duke Dare #1)

A fter her observations of Lady Simone’s coquettish ways, she lost track of the conversations around her, nodding when it seemed appropriate and regurgitating a few select phrases such as, Do you really think so? and Could it be? It was sufficient to satisfy the people sitting beside her. Though it hardly did anything to assuage the gnawing feeling in her gut. She couldn’t remember ever feeling such a twisting in her stomach. As though someone were kneading bread in there. It was an awful feeling. Awful, more so, because she had to admit that this feeling was…jealousy. And she was not a jealous person.

But it wasn’t simple jealousy, it was jealousy with a small degree of uncertainty. She didn’t know exactly where Wesley’s affections laid. Yes, he had proposed, but he had never said he loved her. Made a point in fact to point out what their marriage would be like and why it was beneficial to them both. Did she even have a right to be jealous for someone’s nonexistent affections? Or unstated affections?

Jealousy was certainly complicating matters in her mind, so when the guests were dismissed, she made a quick getaway to take some fresh air.

Just before she reached the door, Nobi met her.

“Where are you going?”

“I just need a moment to clear my head with some fresh air.”

“Shall I join you?”

“Thank you, but no. I want to be alone.” She hesitated. It was a fortunate coincidence to run into Zenobia. Of all the sisters, she knew her own feelings best. After all, she had been in love with Christopher forever. “Nobi, how do you know your feelings? How do you know to trust them?”

“There’s no perfect answer to that one unfortunately. You can’t help your feelings. But you can manage them. You can let them control you, or you can control them. I’ve found the best thing for me is to accept a feeling and not fight it. That way it passes through me and runs its course. If it doesn’t pass through, then I have to find out why. Is it meant to stay?” she looked across the room, her eyes immediately finding Chris. “Or am I meant to move on? I still don’t know.”

“How did you know you loved him?”

“It’s impossible to describe. I just…I just want what’s best for him. Even if it’s not me.”

That sounded torturous. How did Zenobia live with such an ache in her heart?

“Don’t worry about me.” A sardonic smile curved her lips. It was genuine and reassuring. “I’m making my plan to snare him, and then I’ll have my answer one way or the other. Worry about yourself right now. I know you’re in the middle of something life-changing, Bodi. Just remember that it’s your life. No one can live it for you. It’s yours to feel. Only yours to live.”

She squeezed Zenobia’s hand.

“I’ll let you go, but if you need to leave, just remember our code word,” she winked as she said it. “We’ll whisk you out of here before anyone’s the wiser.”

With that safeguard in place, she stepped out onto one of the terraces and breathed in the light chill. What a mess she had found herself in. To accept Wesley’s proposal or not…under what conditions…and would he agree to all of them. If he loved—liked—her enough, hopefully he would give his assent. As long as he complied (not really his nature, but so far his way of being with her at least indicated that he was capable of doing so), she could envision a happy future together. She could finally be her full self to the world. Her heart dipped in excitement at the mere thought to be able to help other young girls find a way to be themselves.

Boudicca slid her hands along the balustrade. The night sky was lit by the moon and a few puffs of clouds. It was the perfect space to think with no one—

“I do say you need to catch us up on everything, Wesley.”

Botheration! Multiple male voices that she was not ready for. She stole behind the open terrace door and crushed herself against the exterior wall of the manor, hoping they wouldn’t see her. If perchance they did, she would say she needed fresh air…and…had stopped to smell…the—erm…wisteria. Obviously, she prayed it would not come to that.

She could hear everything the men were saying. Even the thud of a hand smacking Wesley on the back.

“What a crush,” someone said.

“Yes. I saw you both danced with Lady Boudicca,” another said.

“Yes, about that, Samuel…” Wesley started to say.

“Yes about that. What’s going on with Lady Boudicca?” A voice asked.

“Precisely my thoughts indeed. It seems like you’re taking it all quite seriously.” That sounded like Samuel, but she couldn’t be sure. She had only danced a short time with him.

“It is serious.”

The men laughed.

“Trust you to be so grave about love.”

“It’s marriage,” Wesley clarified. And the clarity was a shard of glass in her heart. If he was only saying that to save face with his male companions, it was still a cut, but not so deep. But she didn’t perceive him as the type to kowtow to his friends.

“It’s a proposal.” The maybe-Samuel voice said. “That’s what the bet was. Bump into her. Court her. Propose.”

Bet?

If the night sky had been dark before, it was black now. Her vision blurred. Her heart dropped to her slippers. Thunder rolled in her ears, fuzzing the rest of the chatter. She didn’t hear any more of it. It was all just a bet? By The Betting Buddies? Bumping into her was planned? That first night at the ball? That’s why he endured their outrageous courtship? He had to stick it out? That’s why he proposed? What the hell was going on?

Oh my God. It was so much worse than anything she had imagined. He could have been after some appealing attribute of hers, something. Anything. Status. Fortune. Beauty. She winced. No. He was after none of it. He was pursuing her for no reason. A bet. A deuced, damn bet.

She wanted to step out from behind the door and thrash him. She wanted to call him out and duel. She wanted to hurt him the way he had just hollowed her out. She would never allow herself to hope again.

But there was no fire in her spirit to do any of that. Instead, she smoothed her skirts, and stepped out from behind the door.

Without looking at any of them except Wesley, she raised a hand to quiet their murmured surprise.

Her eyes seared into him. She didn’t give any credence to the disbelief and—was that pain?—in his eyes.

There was only thing to do. Only one word to speak. It wasn’t a clue. It wasn’t a secret. Nothing was hidden anymore. It was the godawful, plain, ugly truth.

“No.”

*

With the code word, Bucephalus , Boudicca’s sisters asked no questions but hurried her home. It wasn’t until they were seated in her room and gathered on her bed did they wait expectantly for a coze on what had happened. None of them suffered a weak constitution, but if Boudicca was using their highest emergency code word, they all knew something of great proportions had happened.

Surprisingly Joan, not Mimi, broke the silence. “No one’s had to use that code word since…” Her eyes flitted around the sororal circle.

“Since that bastard tried to sneak Boudicca off into the gardens?”

“Mimi, language,” Nobi chided.

“Well, he was one. The set down was as accurate when I said it then as it is now.”

“You’re lucky no one heard you back then,” Nobi said.

“Not for lack of trying,” Mimi smirked.

Boudicca let her sisters banter while she collected her thoughts. A thousand thoughts of fluff had flown through her briarbush of a mind, and now the trapped fuzz was impossible to see through.

It was all fake. It was all a lie. She had been duped. He was just like every other man. But a million times worse. Her heart had not stopped racing. A pulse that was impossible to sustain. It was wearing on her nerves and draining her energy. She felt a fool to allow her heart to trust him. Him. Of all dukes. The most particular duke of them all. Why had she thought that there was something special about her?

No, she knew her worth. Why had she thought that he was something special to notice her worth when all men had ulterior motives? Why should she feel down about herself when he was the one who had been lying?

“Boudicca?” Joan rubbed her forearm. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” She didn’t want their pity.

“What can we do to make that true?” Joan asked. “What…what did he do?”

She opened her mouth to dismiss their concern but clamped her jaw shut. Why should she cover his actions?

“It was all a lie.” Traitorously, the corners of her eyes stung, and she shrugged in an attempt to will them away. “It was a bet.”

“What was a bet?” Nobi asked.

“Me.” A couple of tears spilled out. “I was the bet. None of it was real.”

“You can’t say that. We saw the way he looked at you,” Mimi said.

“Whatever you saw was fake. He might be a damn good actor, but I can assure you it was all an act.”

“But he proposed? Why would anyone offer a betrothal to win a bet? It makes no sense,” Mimi pondered.

“I don’t understand it. I won’t pretend to either. All I know is what I heard. I’m the butt of their joke.”

“Who?” Mimi demanded with fire in her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Like hell it doesn’t matter. And don’t tell me to watch my language,” she warned her sisters.

“I wasn’t going to.” Nobi had a similar fire gleaming in her eyes. “If someone’s hurt our sister, we’re going to make him pay.”

“That’s right,” Joan added.

“It’s not your fight, my dear sisters. I don’t know how, but I’ll come out stronger for this.”

Mimi looked downright devilish as she said, “I know exactly how you’re going to make him pay, and I won’t take no for an answer.”

“What are you talking about, Mimi?”

“The fencing tournament,” she said proudly. “You’re going to enter it. And you’re going to beat him in front of everyone.”

“I can’t do that,” Boudicca said.

“Didn’t you say you beat him when you practiced here together?” Joan asked.

“That’s different.”

“How? If you’re skilled enough to best him here, you can beat him anywhere,” Nobi said.

“I do believe that’s true. Though it pained Wesley to admit it, he conceded that I was the better fencer.”

“There you have it,” Mimi said.

“That’s not the issue.”

“What is?” Joan asked.

“Only men are eligible to enter that fencing competition. You all know that.”

Mimi blew a raspberry with her lips. “Pffff…that’s the easy part, Bodi. We’ll make up a name for you, you’ll change in your own space and leave your mask in place whenever you’re in public. Easy.”

“I wouldn’t say easy—” Joan started.

Mimi glared at Joan. “It is easy. And it is the best way for Bodi to get revenge. Don’t you all agree? She can beat him. And he would be humiliated in front of everyone.”

“I suppose…” Joan said. “Do we really want to see him humiliated?”

“Annihilated would be better,” Mimi threatened.

“That doesn’t sound very loving,” Boudicca said.

“Loving? What has he done?” Mimi scoffed, then muttered, “The bastard.”

“He’s not—”

“Whatever. This is about revenge. Love’s first cousin. They’re related. Trust me. And nothing tests a relationship better than familial ties.”

“Mimi might be bloodthirsty,” Nobi jumped in, “but I think her plan is the best thing to do.”

“See?”

“But”—Nobi put her hand up to stay Mimi’s comments—“I think her plan is best for a different reason.” She turned to Boudicca. “This is your dream, Bodi. Don’t let a man get in the way. Whatever he did, and to be honest, I’m not sure that whatever bet he may have had didn’t turn into some real feelings for him. I know. It’s hard to believe, but I saw the way he looked at you. Especially during your dance tonight. I think his heart may have been involved. But that’s not important for us to decide. That’s only for you to determine. And if you don’t want to discuss it with him, I respect your decision. However, I do believe you should enter the competition and win. Beat every man you match up against. And then, when the tournament is over, reveal yourself. If you want. You’ll have created a scandal, without doubt. But there will also be no doubt in anyone’s mind should they wonder who to hire as a fencing tutor for their daughter.”

“I agree,” Joan said. “You should do it.”

“I can’t do it. None of you will be able to find a match, let alone the dukes we all agreed to snare.”

“We accept the consequences,” Mimi said, with a flip of her hand, “all of them. And if the dares are meant to be, we’ll still find a way to accomplish them. We have, none of us, backed down from a challenge.”

“True,” Nobi added. “We stand with you. Whatever you decide.”