Page 44 of The Duke’s Second Bride (Regency Second Chances #4)

A va hated to admit it, but her encounter with Brandon had shaken her so badly that she was reluctant to leave the house the next day.

It was all for the best, perhaps—though Edith would never object to a visit from her friend, she knew it was impolite to impose upon a hostess so many times in one week.

Instead, she decided to stay inside with Luke and with Pudding. With any luck, she would not run into Christian at all.

Out in the garden, it was a beautiful day. She had brought some bread out with her. Pudding curled up by her feet while she sat on a bench. She fed the cat little scraps of bread, and Pudding purred gratefully in response after each one.

“Yes,” she said softly, just to the cat. “At least I will always have you, Pudding.”

The cat arched its back in response, purring more loudly still. When he had finished the bread she had given him, he meowed plaintively.

Ava let out a sad little chuckle. “So greedy,” she scolded the cat playfully. Then she turned her head. “Are you all right, Luke?” she called.

“Y-yes!” came a shout in reply.

Luke was sitting in the grass a little ways away, his maid next to him, as he focused intently on drawing on a sketch pad. Occasionally, he glanced up and squinted at the two of them.

He had told Ava at the beginning of the morning that he wanted to draw Pudding. It was a difficult task, since the cat was constantly moving here and there, and squirming about, and did not take well to being told what to do.

Because of this, Ava had been given the task of keeping the cat more or less in one place by tempting him with bread.

It must have been working decently well, since Luke had not said otherwise even once.

Ava smiled, looking at the boy as he bent his head over his sketch book.

He looked so much like a tiny Christian, it almost hurt her heart. And yet, it also filled it. She may never have Christian’s love again, but she would always be able to have something of a child in Luke.

There was the sound of footsteps. Different than any of the waitstaff. These footsteps were soft but strong, tentative yet firm.

When the steps stopped, and Christian was next to her, she refused to look at him. Still, she could not deny the way her heart ached at the mere proximity.

Finally, she could no longer resist the urge to glance up at him.

God, he was handsome, more so now than ever, perhaps since she was painfully, acutely aware of the fact that she could not have him, and never would again.

His dark hair curled in the sunlight, thick and healthy and occasionally spotted with sprigs of silver. His eyes were dark blue and fixed on her so intensely that she nearly forgot to breathe.

She tried not to show it, however. She kept her breath steady and her voice neutral as she said, “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” he replied.

“What brings you here?” she asked.

She never could have guessed what came out of his mouth next.

“I am sorry,” he said. “I am so, so sorry, Ava.”

She looked up at him fully, too shocked to do anything else.

His eyes were filled not just with sincerity, but with a naked emotion she had caught glimpses of before, but never had been so obviously laid bare.

“I have been a fool,” he said. “The biggest fool in all of London, all of England, if not all the world. You are the best thing that could have happened to me, and I have been pushing you away.”

Ava felt frozen in place. The words seemed almost too good to be true. But she tried her best to listen without interrupting him, and without shutting down his words outright.

“It has been so long since I have opened my heart to anyone,” he continued. “But you made it impossible to do anything else, Ava. My feelings for you are so deep, and so vast, and so out of my control in a way I have never known. It makes it hard to eat, hard to sleep, hard to think.”

I have felt the exact same way , Ava thought, her heart beginning to thaw, even as she tried to keep her composure.

She still needed to protect herself.

Christian perhaps could see the hesitancy in her eyes, because he continued, “When we thought you might be pregnant, all of the love that I carried inside myself for you twisted itself into fear. All I could think of was the possibility of losing you.”

He let out a bitter laugh, more to himself than to her.

“All I could think of was the possibility that I could somehow be the cause of your pain, your demise, and how I would never be able to live with myself if that happened,” he continued. “I panicked.”

“You were trying to protect your heart,” Ava said quietly, unable to keep back the swell of sympathy that rose up in her heart.

Christian nodded. “And yet, in pursuit of that goal, I nearly destroyed it. I was so fearful of losing you in death that I all but guaranteed I would lose a happy life together with you. But I do want that life with you. I want you, Ava.”

He knelt to his feet and took her hands in his. But before she could respond, a dark cloud passed over his eyes. Not anger, but sadness—and, almost a kind of understanding.

“That is,” he said, “if you still want me. After every foolish thing that I have done, if you still want me, I will consider myself the luckiest man on Earth, and I will spend every day making up to you for the time I have so foolishly wasted.”

Ava stood up from the bench, leaving the bread and Pudding behind her, and took her hands out of Christian’s. He rose to his feet as well.

“Christian,” she began, her heart in her throat.

She had to take a moment to gather herself enough to speak.

“I was willing to dream of a life with you,” she continued. “A life that included everything this world has to offer: love, children, and yes, all of the uncertainty and risk that comes with that.”

She saw Christian swallow at her use of the past tense, as though preparing to be hurt by what she might say, and the thought made her chest pang even more.

“I wasn’t hurt by your fear,” she said softly. “I was afraid of what it led you to do. I was hurt by your decision that life wasn’t worth the risk. That I was not worth the risk.”

Christian took another step forward. “You are worth the risk,” he said.

Ava wanted so badly to approach him, but she held off, still guarding one last bit of her heart, even as it sang at the sound of him saying the words she had wanted more than anything to hear from him.

“If you’ll have me again,” Christian said, “I will build that life with you. I will take any risk you ask of me, but only if you want me.”

Ava hesitated only for a moment before stepping forward, folding into Christian’s eager embrace. He wrapped his arms around her firmly, pulling her into his chest with a joy and desperation she felt mirrored in her own heart.

“I want you more than anything, Christian,” she said into his shirt. “This past week has been agony.”

“For me, too,” he murmured, his lips brushing her hair. Then he pulled back to look at her, with his arms still wrapped around her waist. “I love you, Ava.”

Ava felt tears pricking her eyes, beading up and running down her cheeks. Christian, seeing it, reached down to wipe one of her tears away, and she could not help but lean her head into his hand.

She had missed his touch so much. Nothing felt as much like home as this—being held by her husband.

“I love you, too,” she whispered.

When he leaned down and pressed his lips gently to hers, it was as though a dam had broken in her chest, love and joy and emotion overflowing like water over a waterfall.

A sound of clapping rose from nearby.

They broke apart and turned to look. They both smiled and laughed at the sight of Luke, still a few paces away. He had dropped his sketchbook and was clapping and cheering, a look of delight on his face.

“You aren’t s-sad anymore!” he exclaimed with delight. His maid smiled next to him.

On the bench, even Pudding was purring.

“No,” Ava said, looking back up at Christian. “No, I am not. In fact, I could not be happier.”

Christian smiled. Ava had missed the sight of that smile more than anything. Happiness suited him better than any other emotion.

“I am going to take that as a challenge,” he said.

Ava arched a brow. “Oh, indeed?” she asked.

Christian nodded. “In fact, I am going to make it my duty to make you happier every day than you were the last,” he promised.

Quick as a flash, he dipped down, and before Ava realized it, she was in his arms, in a bridal carry.

“Christian!” she exclaimed, batting at his chest playfully. “What on earth are you doing?”

“What I should have been doing all this week,” he growled, before pressing another kiss to her mouth.

Without any further preamble, he began the walk back to the house.