Page 22 of The Duke’s Guide to Fake Courtship (Daring Debutantes #1)
I nformation came to Declan in a variety of ways. Rarely, however, did it come from his valet in the middle of the afternoon, and in his library, no less. Turner had walked right in, held up a cravat, and offered to help him put it on before tea at his mother’s.
Declan hadn’t intended to go anywhere near his mother, but at his valet’s significant look he’d agreed.
Which was when he had learned that Turner had heard that a maid had overheard the footman saying to someone else... He couldn’t follow it all. But the main point was that Grace was set to have tea with his mother and his aunt, and that could not be good.
He’d headed straight for his mother’s house, to discover that everything Turner had said was correct. There sat his mother and aunt, as if in judgement over Grace, who was looking pale but seemingly composed.
Not a good sign. Grace became animated when happy, and right now a statue would show more signs of life.
‘Mother! Aunt! What tales are you spreading today?’ he asked.
When all three women looked at him with shocked expressions, he turned his question into a joke. ‘I hope you’re not telling that silly tale of me running out of the house naked when I was four.’
‘You were five,’ his mother said as she lifted her face for a kiss, ‘and you were protesting the need for a bath.’
‘Good thing Nanny caught me before I became lost.’ He turned and greeted his aunt, then finally was able to bow over Miss Richards’ hand. ‘You must share what stories they have been telling. Allow me to defend my honour.’
He kept his tone light, but the words were meant with his whole heart. He knew his mother and aunt could be intimidating, especially to a woman only recently thrust into the social whirl. Which was why he had rushed over here. He did not like the idea of them anywhere around her, much less alone with her and in such a setting.
‘They told me the tale of my dowry,’ Grace said, her voice flat. ‘And that neither you nor Cedric will ever marry me. Indeed, they said it was all a game from Cedric to extort ten thousand pounds.’ She waved her hand vaguely in the air. ‘I don’t quite understand the details. Only that you and Lord Domac have been courting me in a game and I was the...’ She winced as the word left her mouth. ‘Toy.’
He shot an angry glare at his relations, but he didn’t bother with them. Instead, he touched her hand. ‘You know that’s not true.’
She arched a brow at him. ‘I know it is true. At least in part. I have known Cedric’s purpose from the beginning.’
‘But not mine.’
She met his gaze, her feelings completely unreadable.
‘No,’ she agreed, ‘not yours.’
He swallowed. This was not something he wished to discuss with his mother and aunt watching. So he squeezed her fingers. ‘Let us go for a walk. We can discuss this in private.’
He watched her eyes flicker, and he read so many conflicting emotions in them. But none had a chance to settle because his mother refused to be ignored.
‘Step away from her, Declan. You’ve been cruel,’ she said, her voice as cold as the arctic. ‘It is heinous to raise a woman’s hopes when you have no intention—when you never had any intention—of fulfilling them.’
‘What hopes?’
‘Marriage, you idiot boy!’ his mother snapped. ‘You let her believe you’d wed her!’
He straightened up to his full height, the familiar tide of fury burning dark in his vision. In that one moment he remembered all the times his father had raged at his mother. All the reasons why his cold, calculating mother deserved the hatred that burned in him.
‘She thinks she is protecting you,’ Grace said, her voice low.
When he looked down at her, he watched her gaze turn troubled.
‘Is she?’ she asked.
‘What?’
‘Protecting you from your feelings for me? Protecting you from a disastrous choice in marriage?’
‘That is not her concern!’ he snapped.
Grace had the audacity to roll her eyes. ‘She is your mother. You are her son and heir. Your choices affect her profoundly. Of course she is concerned.’
He gaped at her, but not for the reason she likely suspected. He was shocked that the rage in his blood had cooled. A few simple words from Grace, and the black tide receded.
That had never happened before.
Meanwhile, Grace slowly stood to her full height, matching him in dignity. ‘Is she right?’
He blinked, trying to shift his thoughts from his rationality to what he was being asked. It was true, his mother was indeed worried about exactly the same things he was. Marriage to a mixed-race woman would damage his power in politics, his influence in social circles, and it would definitely carry down to his children.
He now saw how ridiculous that thought was. Indeed, he’d spent the entire night thinking about just what she meant to him, and how little he cared about everything else. Political and social influence ruled his mother’s mind, but meant little to him. Whatever sway they’d once had over him was now dwarfed by what Grace gave to him.
Around her, he felt alive. She calmed his rages and brought new thoughts into his world.
That was worth everything to him!
Meanwhile, his mother snorted in satisfaction. She thought that his silence was an admission.
‘I believe we have made our point, Miss Richards.’ She held up a large engraved envelope. And while she waited for Grace’s attention, she spread her fingers to show that there were actually three envelopes. ‘I have in my hand a voucher to Almack’s. Not just one, but three—one for you, one for your sister, and one for that chit Miss Phoebe Gray. I have invitations for them all—’
‘Mother,’ he interrupted. ‘You cannot buy her off—’
His mother continued as if he hadn’t spoken. ‘You aren’t aware of it, but admission there—especially at my invitation—will establish all three of you with the haut ton . You will become respectable, and every man in attendance will also be respectable. No more of those fortune-hunters and card sharps.’
‘You forget that Cedric is one of those fortune-hunters,’ he growled.
His aunt sent him a caustic look before she stepped in. ‘We shall give you our support. We shall make each of you a viable flower on the Marriage Mart—’
‘Provided,’ continued his mother, ‘that you do not look to our sons.’
Declan folded his arms. ‘You will give her the vouchers and support them either way, or I shall make life very unpleasant for you both.’
Grace sighed. ‘Do not threaten them. It only makes them more afraid.’
He turned to her. ‘But what does it mean for you?’ He gestured to his relations. ‘They are not unique. They will never accept you, no matter what you do. Not as I do, Nayao.’
He used her Chinese name deliberately, so she knew he referred to all of her. But in his mind she was always Grace—not as a name, but as an attribute. For all that she had suffered in life, she was the epitome of poise and refinement.
He watched her eyes grow sharp. They hopped between him and the ladies.
‘And what of your children?’ she asked. ‘Would they accept them?’
He flinched. He already knew the answer. His mother would decry the blood in her grandchildren. Their every fault would be laid at Grace’s door. Their every gain declared due to his blue blood.
The light in Grace’s eyes died out. ‘I know what it is to be without family. It is a terrible thing.’ Tears welled in her eyes, but she blinked them back. ‘I will not do that to your children.’
They had never talked about children before this moment, but at her words he saw them in his mind’s eye. Bright, inquisitive, exploring the world in ways he’d never managed.
‘Our children will be raised in a way we never were,’ he said. He touched her hand. ‘You will be an incredible mother. And I will do everything to guide our children.’
He would make sure that the legacy of rage ended with him.
‘But you said it yesterday,’ she pressed. ‘You said that love was not enough.’
‘You said that,’ he corrected. ‘And I think you are wrong.’
She looked at him, then back at his mother and aunt.
‘Don’t look at them. They don’t matter. Talk to me,’ he said as he gently drew her face back to his.
‘Yesterday you said you cannot have me. Now you are here telling me to ignore them and their fears. What has changed?’
How did he explain the extraordinary changes she had wrought in him? How did he tell her that the things he’d once valued seemed unimportant now? That there were emotions beyond rage and intellectual curiosity, feelings that he wanted to experience with her?
These were not easy things to say, and certainly not in front of his mother, but he’d try his best.
‘I heard you,’ he whispered. ‘I heard you say you love me.’
He saw her wince, as if her love was painful for her. And apparently it was, because she stepped away from him.
‘Love does not solve everything,’ she said. Then she looked to his mother and aunt. ‘I had love growing up. The monk who raised me, the navigator who taught me and the captain who protected me—they were each like a parent to me. They showed me love and taught me things that fill me even now.’ Her voice broke as she looked back to Declan. ‘You have never known that kind of love. One that is generous and supportive. So when you finally experience it, you grab it with both hands.’
She looked down at her own hands as she spoke and slowly curled them into fists.
‘But it is not enough,’ she said loudly. ‘Love, no matter how strong, cannot fill your emptiness when an entire society reviles you. Better never to have children than to watch them suffer when their own grandmother despises them.’ She lifted her chin to look directly at Declan. ‘And I hope I may not be here when you realise my love is not enough for you.’
‘Nayao, of course it is—’ he began, but he never got the chance to say more.
Her gaze had swept back to his mother. ‘I accept your vouchers and their conditions. I shall enjoy meeting the best of English society. And then I shall happily turn my back on all of you. My father and I will live in Italy without any of you.’
She turned to leave, but he caught her arm. ‘Please, Grace. You were never my toy. And this has never been a game to me.’
‘I know,’ she said, her voice barely audible. ‘But it is for them. And I can never be a winner in it. Which means you will always be the loser, and your children even more so. Eventually you will realise that, and whatever is between us will end.’
He shook his head. ‘That’s not true. That doesn’t even make sense!’
‘Maybe not to you, but your children will know. And I will know. It is a terrible life.’
And with that, she swept forward. His mother was ready, holding the vouchers out. Grace took them and departed.
He didn’t stop her. He knew now was not the time to confront her. But what pain seared through him, watching her leave!
More than he’d expected, more than he thought rational. More, indeed, than he had ever experienced before.
What was this agony? Why did rage burst through him as the door shut behind her? Rage directed at his mother and his aunt. Rage at the pain Grace had suffered. Rage at anyone and anything that would set a wedge between himself and her.
He knew the answer even as he stood frozen in shock at the realisation.
He was in love with Nayao.
He loved everything about her.
Her strength, her beauty, even her determination to protect their children. Especially that!
Never had he thought anything could feel as strong as his rage, but he felt it now.
Love.
Such love that it tamed his fury. The anger wasn’t gone, but it was tempered. It didn’t rule him. And that was yet another shock.
He had been such a fool! He’d been afraid of his legacy of rage, afraid to risk hurting anyone, so he had hidden away from society and allowed his relatives to run roughshod over him. He’d never had an inkling of how powerful love could be. He’d never guessed that there was any woman who could tame his rage and show him how love changed everything!
He now knew he would up-end his entire life for her. She was everything he needed, everything he wanted, and everything he loved. But before he could claim her he had to make his world as safe as possible for her and for their children.
While the thud of the door behind Grace still echoed in the chamber, Declan turned to his mother and aunt. He spoke calmly. He would not have them blame this on the Byrning legacy. He didn’t want to frighten them with his anger. He meant to impress his decision upon them.
‘I did not realise until this very moment how poisonous you both are,’ he said. ‘I thought my anger was a curse, but I think the real curses are your narrow minds, your bitter manipulations and how very small your world is.’
His mother snorted. ‘Do not cut up at me. We have solved the problem. We said nothing but the truth, and now her reputation is assured. Just as you ordered.’
Perhaps that was true. She had obeyed the letter of his command, but not the meaning. And he saw now that he could not force her to change. Therefore, he must look to protecting those who would be harmed by them.
‘Hear me well, both of you. You shall have no knowledge of my children. You are wrong. Your judgement is flawed because your minds are closed. You cannot imagine that anyone could have value but yourselves.’ He shook his head as he finally saw how small they were. ‘I will not allow your poison to damage the next generation.’
And with that he departed. He had a great deal to do before tomorrow night’s dance at Almack’s. Much to do before he apologised to Grace in the only way possible.