Page 3 of The Duke of Derby (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

The following day, Elizabeth was late taking her walk, mostly because she was late waking up.

This was, of course, because she had been very, very late going to sleep.

Her full mind had raced, not allowing her to rest until shortly before the time she would usually be waking up.

She only slept for a couple of hours, but by the time she woke up, dressed, and breakfasted, the sun was high in the sky.

Knowing she would regret it if she neglected her exercise, she set off for her walk, despite the fact that it would cut into the time she could spend in Charlotte’s company.

Mornings were usually when the two of them could simply sit and chat quietly, because Charlotte often spent the afternoons visiting her parishioners or taking care of household matters.

Just as she was approaching the borders of Rosings Park, she spied Colonel Fitzwilliam walking towards her. “Miss Bennet,” he cried, “it is a genuine pleasure to see you. I was just taking a final tour of the park as I do every year. Would you care to join me?”

“Of course,” said Elizabeth. “That would be lovely.”

As they set off in a direction the colonel chose, Elizabeth said, “Did you say this was a final tour? Does that mean you will be leaving soon?”

“I assume so,” he said. “We were originally planning to leave a couple of days ago, since we usually limit our visit to two weeks. Darcy, however, has decided to extend our stay, and since he is my source of transportation, I am at his leisure. I assume we will be leaving within the next couple of days, however. At least, that is my current understanding.”

“It must be pleasant for him to make his decisions on a whim and have everyone jump to accommodate him,” said Elizabeth.

“He does like to have his way,” chuckled Colonel Fitzwilliam. “But I believe that is simply human nature. Most men in his position would behave the same way, if not worse.”

Elizabeth thought this might be a valid point, but she did not dwell on it. “Come now, Colonel Fitzwilliam. You are hardly destitute. As the son of an earl, you can hardly have the need to deny yourself that which you desire.”

She had meant it to be a lighthearted comment, but the look he gave her in response was anything but.

It was intense, though Elizabeth was unable to decipher its meaning.

It did not last long, however, for he almost immediately looked away as he said, “I admit, I have not had to deny myself most of life’s pleasures, but in weightier matters my lack of independent fortune is keenly felt.

For example, I cannot marry where I would wish.

My allowance and income are sufficient for my own comfort, but they would not stretch to provide for a wife and children unless said wife came with a fortune of her own. ”

Elizabeth did not consider herself to be a vain person, but she couldn’t help but feel that this sentiment was directed toward her, that he wished her to know that if he could only afford to do so, he would court her favor earnestly.

For a brief moment, she was tempted to tell him of her changed circumstances, but the repercussions of such an action were too unpredictable. Besides, she did not know for certain that she did have a fortune or how much it was.

Elizabeth changed the subject, and the two of them chatted amicably for another half hour.

When Elizabeth returned to the parsonage, her mind was awhirl with too many thoughts and too much confusion. Without knowing what her future held, she could not make sensible decisions. The limbo she found herself in was too much for her, and as the day progressed she earned herself a headache.

The family was scheduled to dine at Rosings that evening, but Elizabeth begged to stay behind. After some protestation from Mr. Collins, she was allowed to do so.

Elizabeth spent the evening in a chair by the fire.

The flickering light of the flames made her headache even worse, so she turned her chair around so that she could no longer see it.

As she stared out into the room, she attempted to force her mind to stop its constant attempts to make sense of her situation.

It was a fruitless endeavor, because she simply did not have enough information.

About an hour after Charlotte and her family had left the house, there was a ring at the bell. Moments later the maid showed Mr. Darcy into the room. Elizabeth felt her jaw drop just a little in surprise, though it was not enough to cause her mouth to hang open like a fish.

Elizabeth had first met Mr. Darcy last autumn when he had accompanied his friend, Mr. Bingley, into her neighborhood. Though Mr. Bingley had been open and friendly, Mr. Dacy had been nearly the complete opposite, practically ignoring everyone and clearly thinking himself above his company.

Elizabeth had many reasons not to like the man. His general demeanor was only one of them. She had also heard rumors that he was not completely trustworthy. Her biggest complaint about him, however, had more to do with the way he always stared at her, obviously looking to find fault.

Since his arrival at Rosings, she had come to learn that he was held in high esteem by all his family.

Even Colonel Fitzwilliam clearly liked him and seemed to trust his judgment.

Since that was the case, he must have some redeeming features, but Elizabeth could not bring herself to care overmuch. She still did not like him.

Once he was in the room, he bowed and said, “I was concerned to hear that you were feeling unwell, so I determined to come see you for myself. I hope you are not in any danger or pain.”

“That was kind of you,” said Elizabeth, though inside she thought it rather ridiculous. Forcing her to deal with his unpleasant presence when she was not feeling well was the height of rudeness.

Mr. Darcy sat down and simply stared at her, almost as if he expected her to start the conversation, but she was in much too foul of a mood to concede. She did not wish to talk to the annoying man, so she would not.

After a few moments, he opened his mouth as if to speak, but he closed it before any words came out. He then shifted in his seat as if it was uncomfortable. After nearly two solid minutes of this kind of behavior, Mr. Darcy stood up and began to pace.

Elizabeth found it to be increasingly funny to see the great man so uncomfortable, but she did not laugh simply because she was quite curious to know what kind of thoughts would eventually come out of his mouth.

Her curiosity was sated, and then drowned, when he said, “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

It was Elizabeth’s turn to open her mouth and then close it again without saying anything. Her mind, already fatigued from the confusion of the day and from little sleep the night before, could form no coherent response to such a statement.

“In declaring my feelings in no uncertain terms, I know I am going against the express wishes of all my family.

I am expected to marry a lady with enough social connections to assist my sister in her search for a husband when she comes out.

Furthermore, I am related to those of such a status as would be quite displeased if I were to connect them to people who are not even landed, such as your uncles.

“All these impediments have kept me from showing the fervent admiration I have developed for you.

Yet, your sparkling wit, your bright beautiful eyes, your kindness, and your determination to do what you perceive is correct have worked together to weave a spell upon me, a spell strong enough to overcome all objections to our union.

“You are beautiful, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, in every possible way, and I hope you will find it in your heart to grant my most fervent desire. I beg you to relieve my suffering and agree to become my wife.”

Elizabeth was furious, confused, offended, flattered, and baffled.

She could not make sense of much of what he said, because he wove so many compliments and insults together as to make it impossible to respond with any amount of rationality.

Furthermore, her head hurt, and she was simply tired of thinking too much.

Her confused feelings burst out of her in the form of hysterical laughter.

It was not a pleasant little tinkling laugh, nor was it even a happy laugh. It was the kind of insane laughter that only happens when one can no longer hold in their feelings. Such confusion can only be expressed through tears or laughter, and Elizabeth was not one to cry.

She was so consumed with her laughter that she could pay no attention to how Mr. Darcy was responding, at least not in the moment.

When it gradually began to fade, however, she looked up and saw pain in his face.

For a moment, she felt guilty, but she quickly brushed it away.

He had felt no guilt in insulting her family.

Elizabeth took a few moments to gather her thoughts as her laughter gradually faded.

Oddly, her laughter had released a great deal of tension that she had been carrying.

She felt much lighter and much more able to respond to the situation she found herself in.

She said, “Mr. Darcy, do sit down. I am in no condition to stand at the moment, and you towering over me is hardly helpful.”

Once he was sitting, she said, “You have made a few rather critical errors, Mr. Darcy. The first is something I learned from my good friend, Charlotte. It is that if you hide your affection from the world you are also hiding it from the object of your affection. In short, I had no idea you felt this way, so I am completely unprepared to return your expressed feelings.”